For what reasons do you spank your children?

Question

I know there were several people here before me who asked if children should be spanked and I was really surprised about the large number of answers that said yes.
Now to those people who favor spanking my question is what do you want to teach your kids by spanking? What kind of misbehaviours do you think you stop this way? What do you think will be the effect on your children's personality? Do you think it is good if a child follows rules mainly because of a fear from punishment?

Answer 1

It is not punishment by fear; it is a demonstration of who is in charge. The parent is (should be) in charge, not the child. A spank to the buns is not violent when administered correctly and consistently and will not harm the child. I'm talking about a wooden spoon to the buns, not an outright violent beating, people. Spank when the child is disdainfully disobedient or has done something very wrong; do not use it for every little thing. There are other methods, too, not just spanking. But spank away! Those little brats need to know their place, and sadly, too many wussy parents these days are failing miserably at discipline.

Answer 2

Although I am guilty of sometimes misusing the word discipline--e.g. I will say I "disciplined my child" as an euphemism--this is not accurate.

Spanking is a form of punishment. There is not a parent that does not punish their child. We only disagree on what is the best type of punishment.

There are parents who talk about "natural consequences." I don't really completely understand this. If my child is playing in the street--what is the natural consequence of this. Obviously is not being run over with a car.

If the child has been warned about playing in the street and repeats it I think evryone will agree some sort of punishment is warranted. If you are one who thinks that talking about it will worked I think we are loggerheads. A child is not an adult--reason, pleading and logic will only get you so far. It is important that the reasons not to play in the street be explained--to the extent, and this depends on age, the child can understand them. But there has to be consequence for not heading this parental rule.

I believe that spanking is the best punishment. This is based upon my experience as a parent and a kid. It is also based upon modern research.

Although we hear a lot of media talk about research saying that spanking is ineffective, counter-productive and may even be harmful, the fact is that these studies are very flawed.

The are generally based upon interviews with adults about how much and for what they were spanked as a child. Then there is an attempt to correlate their report with subsequent behavior or adult problems. Of course, no adult can possibly give anything approaching an accurate report. And any attempt to correlate this with subsequent behavior is nebulous at best and fiction at worst.

The second type of study involves interviews with mothers. They report how often they spank and how bad the behavior of their children is. The studies find that spanking is ineffecitv because more spanking results in worse behavior. This is an illogical conclusion. It may just be that a child that behaves badly is spanked more for that reason--not the other way around.

And the research which has shown a correlation between spanking and violence of children goes both ways. There are very valid research which indicates it is just the opposite--spanked children act out violently less.

The most comprehensive research was done by a psychologist at Boy's Town (which does not spank). He reviewed all the research on spanking. The research which had not been peer reviewed was eliminated. The conclusion was that spanking does not lead to violence or any other discerbable problem and it is the MOST effective way to get a child to comply with their parent's wishes.

Finally I will just say something about the punishment alternatives to spanking. These are essentially parental jailing--whether called timeouts or groundings or it may be a "virtual jailing" (can not watch TV, video games, etc.).

I believe these types of punishments are both ineffective and mean (to both parent and child).

A young child in the process of any type of prolonged punishment loses sight of the reason for the punishment--and it just becomes an ineffecitve, unfair deal.

With older children prolonged punishments are not more effective than jail is in promoting better behavior by adults.

Spanking is an immediate unplesant feedback, It teaches and reinforces a lesson. It is over quickly and then the air can be cleared.

Answer 3

First of all, you are asking a lot. I think you are trying to convinced yourself that spanking is wrong. In my opinion, it's not. Many of the so called experts, including Oprah believes that spanking a child is wrong, however there is a big difference between spanking and beatings. Personally, I was spanked as a child and I'm perfectly fine. I've gone to college, have a career and have a great social life. My personality was not affected in any way. I have several friends and a strong loving relationship with my parents and siblings. I think fear can definitely be a good thing. If a child is brought not fearing anything because he or she just have to just sit in time-out or a simple punishment that can leads to disaster. It didn't take me long to learn when I did not do what I was told to do, I had to deal with the end result- a spanking! The bible also says not to spare the rod of correction. I appreciate my up bringing and believe in disciplining a child at an early age. I don't believe in leaving bruises on a child. And for the first part of your question that's based on parents discretion.

Answer 4

In direct answer to your question, in particular, the end of it, I would say that is what we ALL ARE teaching everyone (fear of punishment). That is for example one of the main purposes behind jail and prison which are the results to not following the rules of the government If that were not the goal, then we would be medicating and doing correct mental health care for the offenders. Come to think of it, that is how we are treating the juveniles of today and the jail the prison recidivism rate has skyrocketed! Not gone up, that would be natural because of population increase. I am saying skyrocketed, there is a big difference, so never mind, do it your way. Maybe one day all juveniles will be raised in jails and prisons and that will cut all the red tape.

No, seriously, there are billions of times when a spanking is not needed. Spanking should be reserved for SEVERE misconduct that is intentional and/or malicious and it should only serve to impress in the mind of its recipient that there are harsh penalties for horrible behaviors that injure others. It should then work as a deterent and in most normal people it will. It should never be abused, be a frequent occurance, nor should spanking go the extreme that it requires medical attention. By appropriate spanking then you teach your child immediate and most memorable consequences arise out of big wrongdoings and hopefully you teach that long enough and consistently so that the child you are raising won't be one that the police have to haul away every time he or she sets foot out of the sight of authority. Now I have a question for you, what effect will a record and hobknobing for months to years behind bars with hardcore creeps get a person? I am saying what affect will it have on the recipient? On his or her victims and on all of the families it involves? Remember though that I said consistent not persistant and I believe just as firmly that parents who go beyond what is a little pain for a short while, are the abusers and abusers need help not custody of children...at least not until they have received successful help for themselves. I sure know I don't want any child that follows rules for rewards either, because when the candy runs out what's going to happen won't be pretty by that time. Best wishes parenting.

Answer 5

You teach the same thing with spanking that you teach with any form of punishment. By it's very definition, punishment is something to be feared, it causes pain on some level ... whether it's physical, emotional, ect. Spanking basically causes pain on more than one level, including physical, which is why it is so effective. But as with any punishment, it can be abused and used too often, or incorrectly applied.

Yes, I think it is good for a child to follow rules in fear of punishment, but perhaps not mainly ... it is one way to instill in them the values of doing good. At the same time, it's also important to praise the child for doing right, and for the child to feel good about doing what is right. You see, punishment is designed to correct behavior, but it is only the beginning. It is to get the child on the right track, and it needs to be reinforce with discipline, and further, the child should be encouraged to utilize self-discipline for the right reasons.

You cannot "stop" misbehaviors with any form of punishment including spanking. That should be made clear. What you are creating is a consequence for misbehavior that a child can understand and respect. The way to stop misbehaviors is to instill morality and ethics into the way that they think ... this has less to do with punishment and more to do with discipline. Punishment alone serves no purpose ... punishment with discipline, empathy, hope, ect. give life a greater purpose, and helps one understand their purpose in life much clearer. You can choose to discipline without punishment, and that can work with success. In my opinion, punishment coupled with discipline has a greater chance for success.

So ... spanking can give a child a wrong impression ... as can any method of punishment that is not used correctly. Spanking, in my opinion, does not have a negative effect on a child's personality if it is used properly. I have been spanked as a child, and I realize that it does work ... it's an excellent deterrant. I use it sparingly ... for more serious infractions or things that are repeated after warnings have been given. Even my children have admitted that it is the most effective means of punishment that they have encountered ... that is because it was used properly ... not in anger or frustration, but as a means of direction, to help and assist the child ... not to humiliate them and simply cause them pain, or the "tooth for a tooth" mentality. No punishment is fair for any infraction, but something must be done. Wny not utilize a method that is most effective when used properly? But you must keep in mind that it's only the beginning, before and after punishment, discipline must be instilled, and Love must be illustrated. It works ... particularly on those occassions when the other forms don't do the trick. Sure you can take things away from them, and that works ... or give them extra chores ... but as punishment, it has it's lasting effect on the mind and body, as does spanking.

Answer 6

Im 100% behind spanking my brothers and i were brought up with being spanked if we were bad and we turned out okay.
I have tried the "time out" and "go to your room" punishments and they dont work at all, they will continue to disobay me with a spanking they think about what they done wrong and knowing what they will get if they do wrong pretty much stops the misbehaveior.
Now my aunt on the other hand dont believe in spanking at all and now she is being slapped and basically beaten on by her kid or my cousin and that started at an early age hes now a teen and still disrespects my aunt why? because he gets away with it and he didnt get anything but a time out or sit in the corner, it just goes to show they dont "learn" from their mistakes. You dont have to spank a child for everything they do wrong a threat will usually work and if it doesnt stop then the spankin comes into play.

Answer 7

Children should not be spanked. If you want to see a result of child abuse I'm it. My father used to hit me for no reason when I was young. When I was 4, I was thrown against a brick wall, leaving a permenant dent in my skull, I was hit for saying the word 'surprise'. By the age of 8, I had tried committing suicide. I feared him so much that even to this day, we have not had an actual conversation in my whole life. I'm now almost about to be 22. I also now have a child of my own. There is nothing he could ever do that would make me hit him, all it does is encourage violence.

Answer 8

I'll be the first to say that spanking does often encourage a child to lash out in the same way when it comes to them being upset and angry.

HOWEVER...

I was spanked as a child, and every single time I was "whooped" I knew I had done something wrong. My parents didn't just spank because they felt like it... You had to do something very bad in order for it to get to the point. 99% of the time... with each spanking I never repeated what had caused me to get spanked in the first place.

Discipline is needed in rearing a child, and that doesn't always mean spanking. I'm sorry, but as a last resort, it clearly illustrates that the child has done something wrong.

I'm not scarred by the effect of it all as an adult, and I certainly don't think that it in any way, shape or form affected my personality.


I was spanked when I would have otherwise hurt myself a thousand times worse than what a little whack would have done. It clearly pointed out "These are the rules, and this is for your own good."

Answer 9

I absolutely believe it is good for a child to follow rules for fear of punishment, doesn't everyone? If there were no chance you could go to jail for it a lot more people would be stealing don't you think. Fear of reprisal is the motivator for proper behavior. Punishments for children must hurt enough to be remembered. It doesn't necessarily have to be physical pain but I do not disapprove of a good swat in some circumstances. If a child has been very excitedly looking forward to a certain event at school or a friends house and is not allowed to attend due to misbehavior it will hurt and he/she will remember it. Grounding, ie "go to your room (Containing all your toys, a TV, video games, a boom box and so on) is hardly punishment. A cranky child is one thing but deliberate disobedience is quite another and the child must be firmly reminded of the expected behavior as well as who is in charge just as the police and courts remind misbehaving adults...forcefully if necessary.

Answer 10

I agree that you shouldnt just BEAT a child, for no reason. That is not discipline. But a good spank to the rear I think is okay, as a last resort, and with a warning. I used to get the "1.......2......" and if my mom got to three....well, I usually didnt let her get to 3!! haha

i have always been a very respectful student though throughout school, and rarely got into any trouble. i really think this was bc i respected my parents and knew how to behave, because they taught me this using many ways, including spanking.