Ladies: Is virginity a sign of weakness?

Question

Are virgin men big-time turn-offs? Do the men in mid or late 20s who preserve themselves for the right girl....are turn offs? Are the ones who will only do it with the girl they love immoral? Or do you admire the ones who lose virginity as early as possible.

Answer 1

Hi Maddy, This is a great question! I read the other responses and was not a bit surprised by what these folks are saying. It IS a sign of great streanghth of morals and high integrity to one's belief system. It is also the most precious gift two people can give each other, to save their bodies for an act of real committed and bonded love which both have agreed to share their lives together. It IS the most proper method of ensuring two experiance a bonding which otherwise would not be acheived.

When two people come to their marriage bed untouched and inexperianced, they are able to explore and share in the experiance of sexuality together. They both know they are honored to be the one chosen by the other as the one special person with whom each wishes to share an entire lifetime with and they each saved something precious to share with each other, their bodies. This IS the ideal way to approach sexuality. It is the time honored method of approaching the physical act of making love. Sex is not intended to be recreational. It is intended to be a sacred physical extension of a spiritual bond. It is intended to enrich the bond between the parties, for each to be new to the physical act, to explore each other in this physical way and learning how to bring pleasure to each other. When both are innocent of physical sexual encounters they do not have anyone to compare their spouses with. Neither need to worry if the other will cheat or bring a disease into their relationship. Each is comforted in the knowlege the other is as inexperianced, which eases the worry of not pleasing or being "good" enough. When each come into the relationship as sexual innocents they know the their partner is capable of high morals and streangth of charactor. This brings a level of trust unable to be acheived any other way. As you know trust is the corner stone of any sustainable marriage union. Without trust, complete trust, a relationship withers and will die.

However, while we alll know the hows and whys this is the preferable method of conducting oneself, it is indeed a rare occurance these days. At least in America. Even in our history, men were able to have premarital contact without much censure, while women were cast out and discarded as unclean and unwanted. This atmostphere of unfairness is a large spark in the sexual liberation movement. The sexual liberation movement was nothing more or less than an entire generation throwing out all that is special of human sexualality and bonding in marriage units. It was the unfairness of how the world percieved it ok for a man to have premarital sex and not for a woman to do the same. However, in doing so our culture threw out the baby with the bath water. We now have a mess on our hands.

While all these good folks who answered how strongly they admire those who do sustain and hold this act sacred, in truth they would find it odd to know a man was a virgin at such an advanced age. The world would view a man negitivily for maintaining his virginity much more quickly and was an edge of contempt than they would a woman. This is a bit of a reversed double standard. Today, more people still think a woman more capable than a man of sustaining virginity. Many think a man who is sitll a virgin at nearly thirty exactly as you asked, as not only weakness but of a lack of desirability, some flaw, or other lack in the man. These good folks would never admit to these thoughts, as it really is politically correct to view any who are able to sustain virginity as a strong moral individual. However, in truth, a man would be considered at the least, odd if he did so. At worse he would come under suspicion of having perverse desires he is fighting to not act on or has acted on in secrecy. Look at Micheal Jackson, how his difference has sparked such an outcry of him bieng a pervert who enjoys little boys bodies over women. If we are different, we pay the price by being ostricized by our community and if a large public person, the world. I do not know if Michael Jackson is a pervert, I only know he is different. Some people have very low sex drives, and some even have no sexual drive at all. While this is not common, it is a rare occurrance and is a reality. Many think any who are different are an abboration.

Do to this misconception and rush to form adverse judgements of our fellow man (and woman) our youth rush to conform to what they perceive as social expectations. Even when these youth are raised in good religious homes with parents of sound morals and strong integrities as examples and a church family which attempts to instill these sacred ideals, they still will more likely conform to what their peers are doing. Young men especially feel great pressure to perform as soon as they can. If they remain virgins their friends will make fun of them and girls will not date them. This type of pressure is indeed difficult to throw off and sustain what in their heart of hearts they know is right and good. This pressure is so intense boys will lie about "conquests" and their sexual encounters. Even to the point of destroying a young girl's reputation.

So, while in theory all these folks say they would think highly of any who remained virgins until marriage, in truth they would think this person, especially a man, an abboration, if not a pervert. If a young man has not been with a woman by the age of fifteen of sixteen, even family members will begin to wonder if he is gay. This is such a sad situation for our youth and has created so many horrible consequences. We also have young and misguided parents who encourage ever younger children to view the opposite sex friends they may have as "boyfriends and girlfriends". I have heard parents refer to friends of children as young as two years old. When we have such intense presure to have boyfriends and girlfriends it is no wonder children are engaging in sexual encounters at ever younger ages.

As a society we need to stop and take a look at what we are teaching our children and how we are forming their ideas of what is proper and what is not. We must understand that to discuss friends as a "romantic" connection is harming them and robbing them of their innocence. The sociatal expectation to attain a romantic relationship at ever younger ages is promoting sex. Today we have children in kindergarten coming home and announcing they have a new boyfriend or girlfriend instead of a friend. However, if you ask this same child if what they think of kissing somebody of the opposite sex, they say ewww!! So, who are they performing the announcement of having a boyfriend or girlfriend too? Their parents, older siblings, and other relations. This is something we all need to see and change. When I hear a parent refer to her child having a boyfriend I am appolled. This same parent is going to be so surprised when the daughter winds up pregnant at twelve or thirteen, and blame the child for the situation. Many families applaud the male children who wind up getting a young girl pregant. Oh, they will put words like "He is too young to be a daddy, how could this have occurred?", but in reality that child hears, "My son is such a boy, he is virile and I am proud of him, takes after his old man.". The mixed messages children hear confuse the hell out of them and leads to disaster adn heartache as well as destroyed children.

There are those who are capable of sustaining their virginity until they marry. I personally know a woman who is now in her early fifties who has never married and so has never had sex. She is a strong religious woman who takes her beliefs seriously. I also have a soon to be brother-in-law, in his fifties who is a virgin too. Is this odd? In todays world it certainly is. How many truly view him as strongly moral, with high personal integrity? Not many, even his family has said how odd he is. Isn't this a sad commentary on our society today? I personally view both these individuals as decent, moral, idividuals with a strong sense of personal integrity. However, even I have wondered if each has much of a sexual drive. I whom I wish to believe is enlightened and fair, have had poor thoughts about both individuals, thoughts I am ashamed of and only admitt due to wishing to honestly answer this question. If I have these negitive thoughts, how many others have them as well, but simply will not admitt them due to what is currently politically correct?

There are many who decide to forgo sex their entire lives. Men who become monks or priests, women who become nuns, or take vows to follow their religious beliefs fully. The rate of child sexual abuse among Cathlic Priests is actually less than one percent of the entire population of Priests. We only have the perception this rate is higher due to the sensationalisim of each single case. With todays mass communications it is easy for one case to reach the worlds ears. This faultsly skews the numbers.

So, while I don't think it is politically correct to state that a man in his late twenties and still a virgin is a turn off, sadly for too many it is. The second part of your question, if those who do have premaritial sex with a woman they love is immoral, that is true if you are christian or any other secular religion of the world. All religions believe premarital sex is wrong. Isn't this curious? That all secular religions believe certain actions are immoral and wrong? I believe certain behaviors are simply wrong regardless of religion or lack of religion. We are born imprinted with what is right and what is wrong. This is built upon or tamped down by how we are raised. However, we all know, deep within our hearts what is right and what is worng. We now that murder is wrong, that coveting something not yours is wrong, that lying is wrong, that theft is wrong, rape is wrong, force of any kind if wrong, etc. Some things are simply wrong regardless of your upbringing and we know this in our hearts. Yes, premarital sex is wrong. Living together without the benifit of marriage is wrong and it is not a real committment. If we live together a short while, then get married, it legitimizes our union and brings full committment, but it does not erase the wrongness of living together pre-marriage.

We can find many methods of excusing our behaviors, and sometimes we must do what is wrong in the name of survival. However, it still does not erase the wrongness of the action or behaviors. Killing during war is still murder and those who have the misfortune of having to do so live with the knowlege in their souls the rest of their lives. Many come home from the battle feilds damaged even with the knowlege they had little choice in the matter.

Sorry for getting a bit off tract, but all this is inter-related. No, I do not admire those who lose their virginity as soon as possible. I do admire those who sustain and give the gift of themselves in total spiritual and physical committment until marriage. I am ashamed to admitt I have had poor thoughts for older men who sustain from sex, contrary to how I wish to think. Sex without benifit of marriage is wrong regardless of how much you love the person. We committ wrong with full knowlege it is wrong. When we do so we must be honest with ourselves and face our own decisions and this is a personal relationship with ourselves and our higher power. It is nobodies elses business, except a paster or leader personally chosen by an individual.

No matter how we dress wrong up, it is still wrong. If we are to grow we must acknowlege this and determine how we will continue to conduct ourselves and our lives. We are responsible for our own actions and we must face the truth on how our actions can and do affect others. Our actions are a reflection upon ourselves, our families, our communities, our society, our world.

Maddy, you ask good questions and I am honored you would ask me to answer them. These questions are thought pervoking and insightfull. They also provide a forum for chosing honesty over self promotion and self delusion. Again, sorry for the misspelling. I am horrid at spelling and always have been. ;-) Have a great day Maddy!

p.s. I am surprised with those who have misunderstood a hypothetical question as your own personal belief. Wow! LOL

Answer 2

I think that waiting until you are sure you've meet the right one is a turn on for the lucky lady that you share that with. What is defiantly a turn off is when I guy sleeps with anything walking, just to be doing something with someone and that shows he has nothing up stairs in the brain.... so that kind of person you wouldn't want to spend much time with. However, a girl might spend more time with her virgin BF, so they can work on making it better.

Answer 3

I admire the virgin guys! Virginity is a sign of strength, not weakness. It's strength because it shows that you waited, you were strong enough to fight those urges and say no to sex before you're married. I don't care what people say about the "right girl"...if she's the right girl then MARRY her before sleeping with her. Also, waiting for the right girl someday and that girl waiting for the right guy someday have absouleuty no chance of getting an STDs or any of that crap! Way to go!

Answer 4

I admire the guys that keep themselves pure until they have found their soul mate...not many out there.... But yes I think it is the same way with a girl... a guy or girl will have more respect for the other if they know that they are pure and have saved themselves for the one that was intended for them in the first place.... I see nothing wrong with waiting. Life is to short and there is to much incurable disease to even try to sleep around with a bunch of people. I say if you love together you can learn together. Life is what you make of it and if you both are pure in body and pure in heart you both will have no regrets and no past to haunt you in your relationship. You are very rare! But you will have my utmost respect and many others too! May God bless you and Your soul mate and may you both find one another soon, if you haven't already. Good Luck

Answer 5

I'm not female but I feel compelled to answer this question.
Man, you've got all backwards.
"The ones who do it with the one they love immoral"? What world do you live in? With today's gimee, gimee, gimee, I want it now attitude, the men and women who wait are the strong, moral ones. There are many other things to admire in people than losing "their virginity as early as possible". You make it sound like it's a great moral quest to pop the cherry before the age of twelve. How about strength of conviction or moral fiber?
To admire someone simply because they wet their dick is wrong.
D

Answer 6

Doing it with the girl you love and being virgin is not the same thing. If you're just doing it to get experience, who would call you immoral? It's not a turn off if a guy's a virgin but it's not certain he knows how to do anything.

Answer 7

I really admire a man who has the morals and values and commitment to save himself for the woman he loves..too bad more men aren't like that.

I think they are not turnoffs, but worth pursuing.

I certainly do not admire the ones who lose it as soon as possible...not at all.

Answer 8

Virginity is a sign of integrity. I admire people who keep theirs until they are married or in a really committed relationship. It shows that they are not willing to share their bodies with just about anyone.

Answer 9

I think losing your virginity at a young age, boy or girl, indicates a disfunctional childhood. Someone like that may carry things over into later life.

Answer 10

How can virginity possibly be seen as a sign of weakness???? Sleeping around is weakness--it's easy to do that, and harder to make moral decisions and stick to them.

Answer 11

No. In fact its a turn on. No one should loose his/her virginity without true affection. Loosing virginity early is just a form of child abuse, nothing gr8 in it!