I am an engg.4th year student n have got a job too.I love with a person who is 35 yr old ,i am 25 yr old.he loves me very much but he is not in favour that i do job.he says that for doing job we have to live separately and that he dont want.he has his own buisness and he says that if you want to do anything ...you can help me in my buisness.but i dont like to do that.At the same time my parents are not agree for our marriage so i have to revolt against them too and that is very difficult for me, i love them so much. One more problem is that he lives with a big family and i want to live with him alone.I am not against his family but i dont like to live with so many people.? i know that he loves me very much and not marrying with any other girl even after very much pressure from his family and his society.He is in mid thirties so he want to marry as soon as possible..but his conditions are that i wont do job and live with his whole combined family.Now suggest me what should i do...
2006-09-16 00:58:26 · 23 answers · asked by sugandh_bhu 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
in the end it's up to you, No one else can make that decision for you, You need to ask yourself what you REALLY want. If you don't want to marrry him, then don't. Don't be afraid of not doing it. Do what's best for you and everything else will fall into place.
2006-09-16 01:01:40 · answer #1 · answered by Nicky 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't marry him. The fact that he thinks it's OK to live with his family means he isn't ready to leave father and mother and be united to you. He will never put you first - always Mom and Dad. You will therefore never be able to be truly one.
You need someone who will do the opposite: really put you first, ahead of anyone aside from God, take 100% responsibility for his life - his decisions and actions - then leave father and mother, and make a permanent, exclusive commitment to you.
If he is not in a position to do that, I don't care how attached he is to you. It is at best lust, at worst idolatry. Though the idolatry will 'look nicer' because he will be so busy worshiping you - but just watch what happens if you jump off your pedestal... He could even get abusive. The more he's pressuring you to marry him, the more likely this is.
Bottom line: You are a precious creature of God and therefore deserve love and respect. I am sure He has something better for you than what you have described.
2006-09-16 08:58:05 · answer #2 · answered by songkaila 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you think your love for him on one side of the scale will balance the other side of the scale - giving up your work, your independence, living in a crowded situation when you want your own home, alienating your parents, going against tradition, and a 10 year age difference?
I think you would come to resent the situation you are in and the worse part of that would be that you wouldn't be able to turn to your parents because they were against it to begin with...
Another consideration is, why has he waited so long to marry and why does he want to do so now? And why you? Because you can be a wife, housekeeper, and worker for him all in one?
Think very, very carefully and then think again. He is asking a great deal of you and what does he offer in return? Nothing that is going to make you happy now or in the long run.
2006-09-16 08:16:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't marry him. It sounds like you have to give up too much to be his wife while he's not giving up anything at all?! You have to give up your parents, your career, your independance, your confidence, your privacy...to be his wife. Is he really worth all that? If he loved you, he wouldn't want you to make so many sacrifices for him while he knew that it would make you unhappy in the end. Living in a big family can be a nightmare with all the interference and family politics that will make you mentally ill. Giving up a job means that you'll be at home all the time, all the more mixed up in his big family and family politics. Plus you won't have your parents to run back to if things get tough, no mother to talk to if you need help and no father to support you if things go bad. Your marriage to this person sounds like a perfect recipe for disaster so why do it? Give up on him because in the end you'll regret giving up on yourself for him.
2006-09-16 09:19:33 · answer #4 · answered by DrSH 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My first thought when I read your title was if you have any doubts dont do it you should see marriage as a life time commitment - after reading your story I now feel more strongly about it - he is probably a mummas boy if he still lives with his family and wants you to do the same - he is a control freak as he wont let you work or if you do work its for him... I know you love him but he is trying to control your life - its your life however if you want to be controlled then go for it but for me personally I wouldnt do it.
2006-09-16 08:03:51 · answer #5 · answered by ♥Kazz♥ 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Love is supposed to be unconditional. He should love you for who you are, and encourage you to do what you want. If he's putting all of these demands on you, then he's not loving you the way you should.
The age difference really isn't a problem, but all of his demands on you is. Think of how much better things would be if you found a guy who would acutally let you be yourself!
2006-09-16 08:25:06 · answer #6 · answered by squirellywrath 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NOOOOOOOOOOOO the stars are NOT aligned for you! Until you can resolve major issues together w/ compromise on BOTH sides you are not ready for marriage. and doing it to "revolt" against parents is a very childish reason and will surely bring unhappiness to all involved.
"marry in haste and regret as leisure"
2006-09-16 08:09:33 · answer #7 · answered by pappiliongoddess70578 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's clear about what he wants. You be just as clear about what you want. And it sounds like the two don't match up, so move on. I know that's easier to say than to do, but you'll probably come to regret having your life subordinated to a domineering person, especially as it sounds like you have a good education and good prospects.
2006-09-16 08:55:46 · answer #8 · answered by JustaThought 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That man wants you to live in the Stone Age.
Keep your job, no matter who you marry.
Do NOT live with a whole bunch of family members
Get some common sense!
2006-09-16 08:40:28 · answer #9 · answered by mollyneville 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well,its for you to take a decision....this guy has his terms set for you,now you have to decide whether its worth hurting your parents and marrying someone who wants you to live life on his terms and conditions....he has such demands before mariage what will he do after marriage?
look at all the pros n cons before you commit yourelf to him,he is 10 years older to you,he has a huge family n he wants you to live with them,i mean its all so unfair.....decide whether it'll keep you happy,if yes go ahead or else you know what to do!!good luck!!
2006-09-16 09:49:43 · answer #10 · answered by country_girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pack your bags and leave. This guy is only thinking of what he wants. Your needs seems to be very low on his priority list. If he is a;ready acting this way I can assure you it is not going to get better once you are married.
2006-09-16 08:33:11 · answer #11 · answered by robsnor 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋