My nephew/godchild just turned 13 years old this year. His parents have not celebrated his birthday since he was a little boy (i.e., age 5). I cannot understand the reason for this, and when I have tried to discuss the importance of this with my brother, he becomes irrate and tells me, basically, to MYOB! I do know that this hurts my nephew because he has told me each year, until this year, when he just said, "I don't care." I am disabled and living below poverty level, but last year, I planned a surprise birthday party for my nephew. At the last minute, my brother intervened, changed all of my plans, and had the party himself. He invited all of his friends and their kids. The party I planned for months was not good enough, according to him-he could buy more/better food, drinks, he had a big house (mine was going to be outdoors because I live in an apt. complex. My brother and his wife are very well off so this is not the reason. What effect do you think this has on my nephew? Thanks!
2006-09-16 00:42:27 · 15 answers · asked by cinmcw 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Thank you so much for your responses! My nephew doesn’t have a bad attitude, he’s saying “I don’t care” in a nice way and to hide his feelings. If I say something to his parents, HE will get into trouble. They are VERY hard on him, thus he is a perfectionist. He excels in sports (on 3 baseball teams, one nationwide) and in school (principal’s list EVERY quarter). He feels very hurt when rejected/criticized (mother says in disgust, “Get out of my sight” when he gets an A instead of A+). Both parents treated very well during childhood, birthdays were celebrated. They celebrate their own birthdays. They throw extravagant parties for other occass. They give generously to my nephew, but his birthday is ignored. Parents together, neither cares about birthday. My parents are upset but don’t want to rock the boat. For Easter, Val., we give candy/gifts. Cousins show their gifts to each other. His mother said, "Hey, it's my kid!" when I suggested they do the same.
2006-09-16 02:46:53 · update #1
The importance of a birthday celebration is not in the party, it is to make the child feel special as an individual
It does not require celebrating chronilogical age in order to accomplish this- actually this type of celebration puts to much emphasis on age!
2006-09-16 00:49:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anarchy99 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I hated birthday calibrations when I was a kid. My parents were the worst ever. They would buy expensive gifts for me to give to some other kid if I was invited to a party (just to show off). They were to cheap to have parties for us. Besides my father had pornography all over our trashy mobile home. Nobody would ever want their kids at our place.
So how does a child feel if his or her birthday is not celebrated? In my case no celebration was a relief, from a lot of embarrassment.
2006-09-16 08:23:45 · answer #2 · answered by Marvin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Was your brother's birthday, or perhaps his wife's looked over when they were children? Personally, I don't understand their reasoning either, but someone needs to be an advocate for the child (whether he "cares" or not) because I think that the message his parents are sending to him is that basically they don't care about him or how he feels. He's still a little too young to affectively stand up for himself and express how this feels for him to his parents, so perhaps you could try to step in for him. Being ignored by ones parents is never a good feeling, and could manifest itself later in some harmful ways later in his life. Those parents need to wake up now and pay attention to their son. He's a precious gift, not something to be ignored!
2006-09-16 07:53:49 · answer #3 · answered by Laurie K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are doing a terrific thing for your nephew! BRAVO to you!
I think this boy is hurting because of this and his nasty attitude is a result of that treatment. I think his parents are blithering idiots that don't deserve to have kids if they are going to treat them this way.
I also think they are mean for treating you this way also. What kind of people pull this kind of BS? They are going to end up raising some sour, nasty-@ss person just like they are. You didn't mention the wife/mom in all this, unless there is no wife/mom to this boy. If the dad is responsible for all of this treatment and there is a mom around then she needs to get off her lazy @ss and slap the $hi+ out of that moron father and make him wake up and smell the coffee.
Sorry, but this kind of thing just pi$$e$ me off to high heaven.
Some people are just too mean or stupid to be allowed to breathe.
You, my friend, are a blessing. You have a heart and a conscience and are making the effort. Just keep doing the best you can, and don't be discouraged if you cannot break thru that barrier of that dysfunctional family. The Lord knows what you are doing!
2006-09-16 07:53:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Technically birthday celebrating isn't all that important. Some people have been surprised to know this but in my household...we've always given our MOM a treat on our birthdays! Because she was the one struggling with us in all that pain, we didn't do anything special by being born...so the three of us always get her something special on our birthdays. Besides a lifetime of her caring and sarcrificing and worrying about us...I'll take that from my Mom than any ol' birthday celebration!
2006-09-16 08:37:39 · answer #5 · answered by DrSH 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think it is bad if you are talking about not even acknowledging his birthday but if you are talking about not having a party every year I don't think that is bad.
When my children were growing up I gave them a 1st,5th,10th, an option of a 16th birthday party or $. The other years I bought them a present, made them a cake and had a dinner of there choice and sang them happy birthday.
Kids that get birthday party's every year expect to much, and if you cant give it to them one year are extremely disappointed (the more you give the more they expect)
2006-09-16 08:50:36 · answer #6 · answered by Joy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have a nephew whose birthday is never celebrated because his grandma doesnot like it. my nephew asks his mom everytime he goes to a party "when is my birthday? will you celebrate it?". it breaks her heart and also mine. i know how the child feels. he feels sad , rejected and confused ,asks himself why his parents dont like him.when my father in law was sick, we had to postpone my sons birthday but i was dead against it. so i fought with my hubby and had a small "kids only" party anyway. you should tell your brother that the party is for his son and if he wants to be a good father he should celebrate it every year. if i were in your situation, i would have a party every year at my home for my nephew ,no matter what.and as for my nephew, we have a small party for him every year where his dad and grandma are not invited.
2006-09-16 07:55:18 · answer #7 · answered by atahsina 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would feel bad, but I'm used to not having partys as I don't like them. Maybe ur nephew just doesn't like being at parties. Anyways, his b-day should still be celebrated because it makes him feel special.
2006-09-16 08:44:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is odd alright what kind of background did he come from did they celebrate his. and what happens on the parents b.d's? what do they do at holidays? have to see the whole picture. do they seem like good parents otherwise? it may be once the boy is older than you can celebrate with him leave the two dead heads out
2006-09-16 07:47:57 · answer #9 · answered by terri e 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not talk to your family about this and tell them your concerns its the only way you will be able to express your concern and get it off your cheast. I do however think thats wrong that they havent celebrated his bday unless their is a good reason for it!
2006-09-16 07:48:40 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋