i emotionally cheated on my long tern live in gf and i mean long term living together 15 yrs, i got talking to a girl on the internet and actually met her while on holiday with my gf but just for dinner, i got emotonally involved cos i just did, but nothing else happened with this girl but my gf stuill punishing me for it and hasnt slept with had any form of sex from me since, i desperate now what should i do
2006-09-16 00:29:26 · 37 answers · asked by johnny 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Four years is a long time for anyone to allow themself to be "punished".
I can understand why your gf was hurt about your relationship with this virtual woman - it's not about your having been unfaithful to your gf in the tradional sense - ie you did not, you say, have sex with the internet pal, but if you and she developed a close, intimate bond while IM-ing or e-mailing each other, there is something powerfully excluding about that. There was a whole area of your life that you were, effectively, keeping secret from your gf. That can hurt. Imagine if it had been the other way around. Would you have felt good?
You don't say why, after 15 years together you and she never married - maybe that was a mutual agreement because neither of you wanted or needed that, but if you then introduce a relationship, albeit in cyberspace, with someone else, that can feel pretty threatening and have an erosive effect on a person's sense of security.
Four years, though, is a long time to wear a hair shirt. This is not something your gf has "done" to you. Somewhere along the line it is something you have contracted with her. Started out with your guilt, maybe; perhaps you felt you "ought" to be punished. But I guess, since you are questioning this sorry situation in this forum, you feel like the situation is now not ok for you.
You and your girlfriend have some choices, but you have to decide together how to handle this and that means talking. To each other. With someone else present if necessary - a couples counsellor or mediator. You both have to find out what you want to happen, individually and as a couple. The options seem to be:
1. Carry on as you are, living together with you spending the rest of your life apologising
2. Cut your losses. Separate and hope that both you and she can find some happiness apart
3. Agree a way forward together - that may mean finding a way for her to get past/forgive any real or imagined wrongs she feels you've done her, and you finding a way to forgive her for her prolonged "punishment" for what you may regard as a none-too-serious offence.
4. Other
Your relationship, as it exists, doesn't sound like one that is sustainable. Act now before there is more grief for both of you.
Good luck to you both.
2006-09-16 00:55:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her.
Explain her that you made a mistake, an awful terrible mistake.
Now and forever after she is the one and only for you.
Tell her that if she will continue this way the relationship will never work and sooner or later you will find each other so far away that you will have to break up.
Add that you really love her.
Never ever do any kind of cheat again. It hurts.
2006-09-16 00:36:54 · answer #2 · answered by Magnetic 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The two of you need to sit down and have a discussion about this. If everything you are saying is true and she still won't forgive you after 4 years it is time to move on. I suppose it will de difficult to split up after 15 years but put the ball in her court.
2006-09-16 00:48:48 · answer #3 · answered by robsnor 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you still with your long term girlfriend? Loose her, she's making your life miserable!!! Is there any chance of you rekindling the relationship you had with the girl you met on the internet? Was she compatable with you? If not go and find someone else....you deserve to live and be happy, not to be punished for the rest of your life!!
2006-09-16 00:46:46 · answer #4 · answered by ang_172 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u should apologize until she 4gives u,buy her roses n a gift some thing she likes,u must earn her trust gradually it'll take time but finally it'l happen.girls have a very long memory trust me n if she doesn't 4give u then dump her n start dating again with another girl maybe the 1 from the Internet that u cheated Ur GF with her.
2006-09-16 00:39:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You screwed up but now the two of you need to decide whether or not there is anything left of your relationship. If she can't forgive you and move on then it is time to end the relationship. If she is indeed punishing you then she will be faced to decide when enough is enough. Move forward or move on. Life it too short my friend. If you get another chance you darn well better not screw up again. Trust is hard to regain.
2006-09-16 00:35:25 · answer #6 · answered by van 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you realise that your gf (Cheryl right?) asked a similar question. I told her that a man wouldn't stay with a woman for 4 years if he isn't getting any sex, especially for doing something that small. Normally I wouldn't suggest this but this relationship is crazy, she doesn't trust you, you are not getting any... I suggest you be a man and leave her.
2006-09-16 03:26:26 · answer #7 · answered by Richard C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You made a mistake... but i dont think you apologized seriously enough to her. Its been four years.. you guys are still together.. which means you want to be with her.. if you want to be with her, its time you stepped up and make a committmetn, if that's not what you want, then MOVE ON !!! 4 years is a LONG time.
2006-09-16 03:19:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you two have not has sex in four yrs.. and she is still hurting over it then i don't think she will ever get over it unless you make her.. you either have to tell her you are sorry ( I'm sure you have ) and tell you have to forgive ( not forget ) or this relationship is over coz no one is perfect and neither is she... you cant live healthy like that.. there is a point where she will have to swallow her pride and begin to live again or she will be the cause of the relationship ending not you...
2006-09-16 00:37:21 · answer #9 · answered by panda 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her to get over it already. It's been 4 years and she is still holding onto this grudge. Man I don't know how you can still stand by her. If she truly loved you, you'd be forgiven ages ago. And it's not like you screwed this other woman. Oh hell she herself could be at fault to push you to do what you did. Buddy, talk it over now or get out of it!!!
2006-09-16 00:44:22 · answer #10 · answered by brown_sugah064 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋