should I clock my uncle for making my mum cry 5 years ago when he criticised the way she had brought me up?

Question

maybe violence not the answer, but I never had a chance to confront him about it and now will be seeing him in a few weeks at a cousin's wedding. ok I've got long hair, beard and tend to wear black lots (had a lip piercing last I saw him but gone now), but that's all he went on. the second he saw me at the airport 5 years ago he clammed up and gave me evils. I see him every years 5 or so, he lives in south america me in europe. I am 28, educated and well adjusted (i think haha), and i believe my loving mother did a great job bringing me up, especially as I was a 'difficult' teenager shall we say.

My rage has stayed dormant up till now, but just found out that he'll be at the wedding. Not sure what I'm going to do when I see him but another crap comment to my mum and I'm afraid it could be a trip to casualty for him. Not a violent person me, but grrrrrr, not happy about this one....what should I do folks?

isn't it amazing how people can judge people without knowing a thing about them..

cheers angisele, that's the kinda thing I want to hear...

Answer 1

I'd do nothing. for now, It's a wedding and not your day to shine, if you know what I mean. Maybe at a later date, when it's not a happy occasion, or a funeral or anything, then you can say something. But it's probably best to not say anything at all. He sounds like a jerk and his response would more than likely piss you off more anyways. Stick up for your mom though, if he does say something to her. But do it in a nice manner. Like telling him that you are a good person, and how you turned out is no concern of his, regardless of how bad he thinks you have, and that you and your mother have lived this long without him in your lives, and can do just fine without him and his opinions.

Answer 2

If he dose it this time I'd say to him it's not your life and I've done nothing wrong so stop with the dirty looks if you want a picture take one but do it out side so no one else sees you I have a Niece that dresses like that and I think that when you get to that age you are who you want to be she's 18 today and as for my son oh my did I have a time with him when he was 14 he dyed his hair blue ,green,red, not all in the same day different times gosh I was so embarrassed but I still went with him to the mall the way the people looked at me is how in the world could I let my son do such a thing I looked at it like this he is his own person so who am I to judge him if he wants to do that well than I'm all for it good luck at the wedding but than maybe you should just walk away from him and let it be

Answer 3

Have you ever thought that such a rude remark made you take it as a challenge and helped you to refine your life? Your mom also would have taken it in her stride to bring you up as a bright young man!! If its your maternal uncle, your mom knows him better than you and has forgiven him.
When a senior man see an young child, he/she may say something about the things the modern generation do as these were not there during their childhood. Its not out of hate but its because tey all want you to be a good person!!

Answer 4

If you're comfortable with who you are, and your mum is proud of you, that is all you really need. Do you need your uncle's approval? Okay, so he made you mum cry 5 years ago, I'm not making light of that, but it was 5 years ago. As long as your mum is proud of the person you have become and you like yourself, let it go. If your uncle approaches you or your mum at the wedding, try to be civil and let him know that while he is entitled to his opinions, you don't really want to hear them if they're going to be rude or hurtful. If he starts up anyway, smile, say excuse me and walk away. There is no reason that you or your mum need to stick around and listen to someone else's unhappiness.

Answer 5

I think you should not confront him, instead you should have a conversation with him when you see him. Calmly bring up the fact that despite any errors of the past, you strongly believe that your mother did a terrific job raising you to be the man that you currently are. Point out the good things in your life. Give credit to your mom and tell him he owes her an apology. Tell him to watch what he says so that you dont have to approach him again to make him feel stupid.

Answer 6

violence is never the anwser it was 5 years ago he might not remember what he said and it would not be a good idea to spoil your cousins wedding I feel that the best that you can do for your mother is to prove to him that you are a better person because of the way that she raised you and do not stoop that low of saying anything negative to him he will see that your mother raised you very well if he doesn't well to hell with him don't talk to him again

Answer 7

I wouldn't hit him over the past comments. But I believe I would at least tell him where to go if he says something rude to your mom when you see him again. Especially since it sounds like your mom did a wonderful job raising you. He shouldn't be disrespecting you mom.

Answer 8

well since you said you are not a violent person, the best thing to do is be on your very best behavior. smile at him and just be as sweet as you can be to everybody. and if he does pipe up and thinks you are nothing but a little ugly duckling, just smile and tell him that at one point you thought of being like him but since he is so ugly inside you decided against it.

Answer 9

You should tell both your mum and your uncle that your mum is a saint for having put up with such a difficult, self involved, grudge-bearing, resentful person as yourself.

And then get over it already.

Answer 10

Rage never helps. You can not control the whole world. You can cotrol only yourself. So forgive him.Do not think of revenge or confronting him.