I have been with my (first) boyfriend for 11 years. We are due to get married next year. However I have just met a guy at work and I have a massive crush on him! I love his personality and his looks, there is chemistry between us and my fiancee and I haven't been getting on as well since we got engaged. I feel like I've never had a chance to explore my feelings. What if I'm not really in love with my fiance - what if its just what I'm used to?
Just to let you know I have never been unfaithful before or had feelings like this about anyone else.
2006-09-15 22:32:21 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
You and your fiancee have been together for 11 years that is a long time to be together It sounds like to me its the old familiarity
thing like an old married couple you just know one another so well and for so long and now you have a crush on somebody else. Not at all a bad thing. Your heart will be honest with you.
give your self sometime to think about this and think do you think you are really still in love with your fiancee or not. I think this is just a fling thing with the other guy. Don't act upon it or you may life to regret it. but what ever you do be happy with your decision good luck.
2006-09-15 22:47:14 · answer #1 · answered by Mrs Magoo 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey honey if you have any doubts with your fiancee you shouldn't get married. I was in a simular situation years ago. I was due to get married in the December, (although had, had a few niggles when I had gone to see him in the May, he lived in Kentucky)when I was out with my sister, a guy, whom I sort of knew started talking to me, I told him I was getting married, and we chatted. We bumped into each other alot afterwards. I wasn't looking for anything with him, infact tried to set him up with my sister, although we did flirt a little. One night we kissed, and I didn't hold back. I felt terrible all evening, I knew that if I even had thoughts for another person let alone kissed them I shouldn't be getting married. I called off the wedding, then told the guy that I had done so. I never expected it to go anywhere...but within 3 months we were living together and engaged, now 8 years on, we have been happily married for 6 years, with a wonderful daughter. I have never regretted it for 1 second!
On the other hand you may just be having pre-wedding nerves. I think you need to take a look at your relationship and decide if you can honestly see yourself with this guy for the rest of your life, or have you both been caught up with the wedding, Yes, it can be a nightmare to tell everyone it is off and some people may not be happy, but your happiness is the most important thing. You and your fiancee could always call off the wedding for afew years and see how you go.
Good luck to you, you can always email me if you wish to talk. Do whatever makes you happy, we only have 1 stab at life, and it can be a long drawn out one if you are not happy.
God bless you.xx
2006-09-15 22:57:03 · answer #2 · answered by pinkbabi 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Pre-wedding jitters.
Sounds like there is something lacking in your relationship, that you feel you can or are getting from this crush.
Forget the crush, and work on your relationship with your fiancee.
I had a massive crush on someone else a while back. Turned out it wasn't because I didn't love my fiancee, but because I didn't feel like he was giving me enough attention. We worked on that, and I haven't looked at another guy since. If you love him, it's worth it. Don't let some crush come between you two.
2006-09-16 04:14:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A crush is all it should remain,the grass is not always greener on the other side,yes you'reboth probably flirting and that gives us a nice feeling about ourselves.This may be a nice guy at work but whats he like at home,he could be a slob he probably has bad habits like the rest of us.If you are unhappy with your fiancee then break it up but dont cheat on him.If everyone is honest we all go through life having crushes on people but those who act on their feelings are the ones who usually end up getting hurt,but others just enjoy the feeling and the buzz that someone fancies the pants off you and enjoy if till it fizzles out.Think carefully if you play with fire you will get burnt!
2006-09-16 04:43:17 · answer #4 · answered by candyfloss 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go on a break with your fiancee and explore and see if you still want him . tell him it's just to make sure that you really love him and don't be hurt. the chances are it's just a crush and it will pass and it sound that you and your fiancee need some post-marriage counselling first do this fist before the exploration and it just might be a hick-up on your road to happiness if the counselling bring back the flame the whole crush was just because your relationship needed something and you need to find it before throwing away 11 years.
2006-09-15 23:48:26 · answer #5 · answered by qwerty 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well,i guess you waited a bit too long before getting married n yes m sure you would have never explored n now you are attracted to someone else...but ask yourself,is it wise giving up such a long term relationship for a crush,i mean whatever differences you guys have can be sorted out by talking n acting upon it,you have put in 11 years of your life in him n its not so easy to give up for a two day old crush,this crush is just an attraction,trust me,so think n think wise n take a call!!good luck!!
2006-09-16 02:58:08 · answer #6 · answered by country_girl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
call off the engagement right now!!!!!!!!
save yourself the heart ache later and tell the fiance exactly what you just wrote here. You really really really need to split with the fiance and see how other men are. If you are already doubting now then in a year or 10 or 20 you will ahve cheated its a given.
go for the hot new guy but only after you have broken off with the current guy
2006-09-15 22:37:31 · answer #7 · answered by knowitall 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Take this advice from someone who has been thru this scenario. You may think the grass is greener on the otherside, only to find out its not. Then your stuck with no fiancee and ruined a good relationship. Its natural to not get along prior to the wedding, but please - don't mess up what you have, you will regret it.
2006-09-15 22:42:28 · answer #8 · answered by Irish Girl in Cali 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you might be having a "grass is always greener" moment. It's probably just nerves. Nobody's perfect. If, however, you keep feeling like this, or want to act on it/be unfaithful, call the wedding off.
2006-09-15 22:44:32 · answer #9 · answered by blahmph 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
start by talking to your fiancee about this situation... it's hard, and it'll be very hard for him to stomach...but, if you can't bring yourself to be thoroughly honest with him then there's a problem... and if you can't have a normal discussion about what is inevitably human, then you might both want to rethink your plans together. You may find that he is having similar experiences, and this may help you both. And of course, it may just be nerves... how have you got this far?
2006-09-15 22:47:23 · answer #10 · answered by Cru A 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋