A guy I was seeing for a few months started to get controlling of me. I wanted to go out with my friends for a few hours with out him and he said I could as long as I gave him sex when I got home. I couldnt be bothered argueing with him so I just said I would even though I had no intention of giving him sex as a type of payment for him letting me go out. Anyway when I got home I refused and we argued about it for hours. The next day he was still so mad and said I owed him sex and I was wrong to go back on my word. I said to him " if you do this, you are doing this completely against my will, I wont scream, I wont fight, but you know I dont want this to happen and I will never forgive you if you do." he took off my clothes and I cried intensly while he had sex with me. I didnt move at all, I didnt do anything except cry. He kept going until he was finnished. Is this rape??? I cant look at him the same way anymore.
2006-09-15 21:15:42 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
after reading your great answers I just want to add that Im not thinking of charging him, we are still friends. he wants me back but I cant help feeling that he raped me and it turns me off. I dont think I can have sex with him ever gain but I dont know if Im over reacting????
2006-09-15 21:35:14 · update #1
While it is rape in the technical sense...I dont think a court of law would charge him with it. You argued with him for hours, you told him it was against your will. You had hours to walk away, but you chose to stay. You knew what his intentions were, but you stayed. Why didnt you walk out the door....You kinda allowed him to rape you. Its a very odd situation. Im a firm believer in if you say "no" then it is rape, but in this case, you had a big discussion and arguement about it...If you were really serious then why didnt you walk away. You obviously were not frightened of him because you engaged him in an arguement for hours.
Come on, fair is fair...I am a woman who believes very strongly in womens rights, but you have gone a little bit too far in blaming the man totally for something that could have been avoided...You could have walked out the door. You had every opportunity to get away, but you chose to stay.
And I think anyone who can seriously blame the man totally in this instance would be agreeing with you to get the points.
2006-09-16 01:35:20 · answer #1 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
YES!!! this is rape. Report it to the police. Contrary to what others have posted, you need not say the phrase "NO". In some juristictions, the mere thought of you not consenting is a possible case for rape.
All that needs to be proven is that he was aware of not having a 100% percent of your consent at the time the act occured. The statement you made (" if you do this, you are doing this completely against my will, I wont scream, I wont fight, but you know I dont want this to happen and I will never forgive you if you do."), followed by you crying the whole time, is a strong case for rape.
If everything you've stated is true, you have a strong case for rape. I would advise you to report this ASAP to the police.
***Any act of sexual penetration engaged in…without the affirmative and freely-given permission of the victim…constitutes the offense of sexual assault. Therefore, PHYSICAL FORCE in excess of that inherent in the act of sexual penetration IS NOT REQUIRED for such penetration to be unlawful.”
2006-09-16 06:18:26 · answer #2 · answered by dondiw 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you did not want it no matter what you agreed to do he has no respect for you he was out for his pleasure at your cost and did not care if you were crying. I WOULD NOT be his friend after that and would NEVER talk to him!
What he did is rape! He rape you emotionally as well. If you want to be his friend then Hun you gotta get some help cause your only opening yourself to him maybe one day doing it again!
What an @@s whole to do that and while you were crying not moving or nothing what a great FRIEND!!!! THINK ABOUT IT...
Wish you the best!
2006-09-16 04:42:17 · answer #3 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
AHH yes this is a form of rape, you didnt want it to happen and he knew it. You told him you didnt want it and he still kept it up. Stay away from this man, anyone like that should have been charged but i understand why you dont want to. But i think staying friends with him isnt a good idea, after all how can he be a friend or even a lover when he just took advantage of you like that????
2006-09-16 13:00:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, it's not quite the same. It's pretty f*cked up though.
In any legal sense, it was not rape. Saying "you are doing this against my will" is different than saying "no." You essentially said, "yes, but I'll be mad at you." You let him do what he did.
That said, he is a bastard for doing it. His actions were totally unacceptable, and I'm in no way condoning what he did -- but it wasn't rape.
If you wanted to, you could file charges. It would essentially ruin your boyfriend's life; even being accused of that sort of thing is enough to destroy someone. But I don't think that you would win.
Leave him.
2006-09-16 04:19:35 · answer #5 · answered by Drew 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think this was rape. While you said it was completely against your will, by letting him do this it really wasn't against your will. If you told him "No" or "Stop" and he refused, that would be rape, but it doesn't sound like this is what happened. In any case this guy is clearly no good and you should have nothing more to do with him.
2006-09-16 08:51:46 · answer #6 · answered by Alan S 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It may not be quite as bad as rape, but pretty close. If a guy can have sex with you and satisfy himself while you are crying, he has no regard for you, and you have a seriously dysfunctional relationship. I can't see how someone like that could ever be worth being with. He doesn't know what love is. The person you're with should love you as much as he loves himself. Obviously, he doesn't.
2006-09-16 05:10:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
fist of all i just want to say sorry this happened to u ! and i do think that it was rape. he heard and saw that u didnt agree with what he was doing. and i dont know what kind of sick person would enjoy having sex with the other person when the other person is just laying there and crying!!! he is a sick man and he should be reported so that this doesnt happen again!!!
and u really really need to get away from him. dont talk to him, dont answer his calls, just try to stay away and report him for what he did!!!!
again sorry this happened to u !!
2006-09-16 07:37:08 · answer #8 · answered by Steph 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it was rape. No, you are not over reacting. My bf of over 4 years did something like this to me once, I did not "just get over it" as he said I should. And now I realize I should not have to! And neither do you. We broke up over this. We are still friends but I could never have the same respect for him after he did this to me. In short, your ex is a jerk and please give him a big kick in the a** for all of us who have been where you are now.
2006-09-16 06:25:59 · answer #9 · answered by Jaded Love 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends a little on local laws, but I would say yes it is rape.
You should never agree to something you have no intention of doing, though. I'm not going to say you asked for it--he should have accepted your "no" as "no." But you set yourself up for this.
You could charge him with rape, in which case it his his word against yours and you don't have much of a case. But I would use the incident as a reason and justification to never see this bozo again.
2006-09-16 04:26:17 · answer #10 · answered by Warren D 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋