How can I gently tell my family I need some time to myself..lots of it?

Question

I work,hubby does not,have a child home and raised one already..I am so nuerotic lately.

My hubby has a recent disability which I have come to terms with,I do not mind working for my family at all,I have worked all my life,my daughter is 11,my son is 22 and he,just got married and is away at Dental school, I have been married 27 yrs.Just need time,but do not really have any to myself.

Right,I feel like i have no reserves left,has been a trying few years and i feel like i have just realized my future will be full(thank God for kids,though)..at my age seems like i should be conserving a bit,but it's all full steam ahead,it seems.I guess it just hit me.

Answer 1

It perhaps would have helped if you told us why your husband doesn’t work, and how young your ‘at home child’ is.

Does ‘time to yourself’ also include spending time away from work?

I don’t think anyone should begrudge you for wanting to spend some time to yourself.
As far as having ‘lots of it’ to yourself, I think that really would depend on whether your children would suffer.

Being a mother can be a thankless task at times, and it is easy to feel that your efforts are ‘unappreciated’.
Some time away from the family can therefore prove beneficial in helping the rest of the family to appreciate what you try to do for them.

By all means, take some time to yourself, but please, don’t cause the children to suffer in the process !!!

Answer 2

Having dealt with this issue recently, I can tell you that you are not neurotic, and that you are having very real and normal feelings. Coping with a life change like this, where your husband is disabled, can be very taxing on you, not only physically but mentally and emotionally. Hopefully you have someone you can talk to, vent about your frustrations. If your husband is able to take care of your 11 yr. old (I'm sure that she can do it herself, and take care of your husband to boot,) then you need to find an out once or twice a week. Take up a new hobby. Go to the library and read a book. Take a craft, cooking or exercise class. Heck, go to the grocery store by yourself! If you explain to him that you need a break for a couple of hours, and he loves and cares about your well-being, then this shouldn't be a problem. A few hours each week will help make a big difference, and you won't feel like you need huge chunks of time anymore. You need to give yourself and each other time to adjust to the changes you are experiencing. Hang in there, and good luck to you and your family.

Answer 3

This one is rather easy. Call up about four of your girlfriends and plan a five day trip somewhere. (if you lack funds, it can be at the hotel in the next town), then tell your hubby that you are starting an annual tradition called "keeping mommy's sanity". This is where you get to take a five day hiatus once a year with your girlfriends and vent, b i t c h, relax, and have a few cocktails while you take a breather. If he puts up a stink, insist the stores quit making midol, he's on your last nerve and if you don't get some alone time, you're gonna blow!

Answer 4

The only thing you can do for your health and your peace of mind is to let them know that right now is not a good time for whatever it is they want to do. You don't say that they come for Sunday dinner or they just drop by to visit. Either way all you can do is to say it's not a good time and if you want to set a day and time to have them over. It sounds like you are a close family and sometimes close gets suffocating I know I'm the oldest of six, raised a child on my own I was the one they came to for sitters for their kids, to be present at dinners to help make and clean up after..I finally had to say Wait just one second..took a deep breath and said things had to change and they did. Every thing worked out so well..Here's wishing you the best of luck

Answer 5

Are you feeling neurotic because you are tired of supporting your family? I think it's not time for yourself that you need but a job for your hubby...Your hubby and child are your life now, and if you think you need a break, you certainly can't do it alone but always with them. Hope your hubby will find a job so you will not feel the financial burden all by yourself. Be strong....

Answer 6

Just say it the more you wait and wait the more it's gonna build up! Gotta do you some good I would have a relative watch your kids and go on a vacation!!!! Go to a girl friends place for a weekend or a short road trip with a friend. You need it and deserve it.

Answer 7

Plan a weekend trip or a week trip to a spa with a girlfriend or go by yourself. Simply tell your family that you need to relax or else you might lose your mind. They should be understanding since you seem to be the primary bread-winner.

Answer 8

You need a mommy time out.

Do you have any money saved where you could take a small pinch out of it for a quick weekend trip somewhere?

You don't have to wait for a 14 day vacation...but the worst thing you can do for your family is burn out, and that's where you're headed if you don't do something, FAST!!!

Answer 9

There is no gentle way to tell your famliy this but it is best to get it over with you are no good to them or yourself if you keep this up. Being an wife, mother and worker are very hard to do but we handle it and sometimes forget about ourselves. Every one needs a little break sometimes. You deserve it.

Answer 10

Jsut let your famiy know how you really feel i mean nothing is better than the truth so just tell your family what's going on. Good luck