mean step-dad?

Question

I have a step dad, because about 4 years ago my real father had a heart attack and died. I am 12 years old. When I first met my step father (when he was my moms boyfriend) he was really nice. But now since they got married, he treats my sister and me like crap. For example, we get yelled at for talking to him when he's eating. Whenever he drinks, he starts a fight about anything stupid ex: door knob, grass, light etc. I'm sick and tired of this. We recently had our house remodeled. We (mom, sister me) had to put everything back and clean up. It took about a week, and my mom has back problems (car accident). While my step dad said that he's been helping the people remodel the house although all he did was walk around and annoy them. Now he says your lazy and stupid and brain dead and I'm tired of it. He also talked crap about my real dad even though he never knew him. That really made me sad. I also got punished for not closing a garage door! That's really messed up! I'm tired of this!!

I talk to my mom about this, and sometimes my step-dad is nicer and sometimes he isn't. It always comes back. My mom keeps on saying he never had kids before but I really don't think that has anything to do with the way he treats us. He also says hes smarter and all that jazz. I am going to talk to my mom soon again. Thanks for the people who have answered and ill try to keep my chin up.

He also drinks alchol everyday, and my mom knows he has a drinking problem, and this is the main problem, because he's normal before he drinks. I'm going to talk to my mom about his drinking a little more, but I honestly think he hates me because he treats my sister nicer than me.

As for the shower door, I had to clean a bathtub that was really dirty, because I got paid to do it =]

Answer 1

If he really does drink like you say he does....his alcohol problem is making a problem in your life. Some people are "happy drunks" and others are mean. Characteristic of alcoholics is exactly what you're talking about...conflicts and issues, the alcoholic making others around him/her feel bad. My fiance had a stepfather that sounds so much like yours! Can you believe one time his stepfather confronted him (angry and ready to fight!) because he thought that Dannie (my fiance) took his underwear??? Now why would anyone in the world want to wear anyone else's underwear???

I'm sorry to say, though, that your mother chose your stepdad, and it is her decision to get rid of him. The best you can do is talk to your mother in private and tell her how he makes you feel bad and whatever. If it helps you, keep a record of what happened and how it made you feel in a notebook and show your writings to your mother. She might (1) decide he's a jerk too, and get rid of him, (2) take an issue about it and talk to him, or (3) do nothing. Chances are she is not going to do #1...I know it sounds stupid to you and me, but when emotions like love are involved people just dont think right! She might do #2 and it will either (a) - result in him being nicer to you or (b) result in him being meaner to you. Its a chance you have to take though, and if he's meaner you can talk to your mother again, or if there is anyhting abusive going on (emotionally or physically) and your mother just isnt "getting it" then talk to a friend, a friend's parent, or a teacher. Even sadder, your mother might do #3 which is ignore it all. Once again, if its really bad you HAVE to talk to someone else to get a resolution. If its bad but not that bad then just try to ignore him, do what he says, etc...but seriously, once again, if it crosses the line and your mother wont do anything you have to tell someone else! Anyway, you're 12 which sucks because you have another 6 years (potentially) with this jerk, so just make sure you do something (like talking to someone outside the family, even a police officer) if it gets too bad and other than that avoid your step father at all costs.

My fiance's stepfather was a drunk and very abusive and his mother has divorced him recently. Unfortunately it has taken 4 years! People are stupid when there are emotions involved, but dont take out-right abuse...go talk to someone first, and keep a record so you have it all clear!

Answer 2

You should talk to an adult that you trust at school or in the family. That behavior is uncalled for. He knew that your mother had childern when he agreed to marry her. I am a step mom, and it is not the same situation, but if it was I can tell you it would go nothing like that. This man is ill and it makes him feel more manly when he treats people this way. WHat I think is that it makes him look childest that he has to pick on women and childern. Why doesn't your mother do something about it? NEVERTHELESS, talk to an adult that you trust, they will get you the help that you need and there is help out there. Keep your chin up, it'll be ok, someone will help you! God bless you!

Answer 3

I went through close to the same thing, my real dad divorced my mom when I was a month old, and she met my step dad when I was 2 years old. I have 2 younger half sisters who were always treated better than me by him. He was an alcoholic and my mom put up with it for 19 years. I tried talking to her about it, but she never listened. So I ended having to put up with him yelling at me for no reason, among other things, until I was old enough to get a job and move out. The funny thing is that once I moved out everything changed and now we get along. My 2 1/2 year old daughter loves him, they get along so well, he is her favorite relative. And now my mom and him are separated. All I can say is that if your mom won't listen, you will have to put up with it until you can support yourself. I did it for 17 years.

Answer 4

Sounds to me he only married your mom so he could have people to yell at and control. I had about 3 step dads like that. One really loved to beat me with the belt, even went as far as to plant things for me to get in trouble for. ******.Just keep your head up. Remember what dosen't kill you will make you stronger. Plus when you become rich and famous you can pay him to kiss your A#$.Hopefully your mom will wise up and leave the jerk. Sorry about your dad, he is in a better place and will take care of this. Remember he is watching over you and wont give you more then you can handle

Answer 5

You and your sister seriously need to talk to your mother.
Explain to her how you both feel. Let her know that it hurts
your feelings when he talks bad about your father. I don't know the full story but the way you are talking about him makes me
upset. I am a single parent and I know I would never let anyone
talk **** about their father. But my case is different from yours
so yes I wouldn't care if they talk **** on him,( he's a dead beat
dad). I think he's over reacting on the things. As for the garage
door, all he had to do was tell you. Just talk to your mom
hoping she will see what both of you are seeing and hearing.
But in the other she could be in denial. Or be afraid of him,
if thats the case, you all need help. Don't let him hit you or your
sister and of course your mom.

Answer 6

They're is not really much you can do. You Mom is probably scared about raising kids by herself... She knows about his behavior, and yet does nothing. This is often the case, she thinks she is doing what's best, but it's not working. I could suggest seeing if you can stay with an Aunt, Grandma, etc.. but if these are not really options.. I'm very sorry, I had to deal with 4 different horrible step-dads growing up... Good Luck...

Answer 7

Does your mom know what is happening?
Do you have any other family that you can stay with? I know it's hard to go through these changes, but remember that everything you deal with now will make you stronger later in life.
God does not give you anything that you cannot handle. Take some comfort in that, and be the strong person that you can be.

Answer 8

Definitely try talking to your mom. If that isn't possible, talk to another trusted adult like an aunt, uncle, teacher, etc. I am sorry that you have to go through this. Keep your chin up.

Answer 9

im sorry about the step dad you have.my mother died when i was eight and my father remarried the true blue wicked step mother.i just dealt with it.but now that her and my father have divorced he says why didnt i tell him it was so bad. i always thought he knew like he couldnt see it. so dont make the same mistake. go to ur mom let her know what this is doing to you.you and your sister let her know.good luck to you sweetie .please keep us posted.be advised though....if he has put his hands on you or your sister or you feel he may...call 911

Answer 10

I am sorry if you are having problems with your stepdad.However I am having a little trouble believing you are a 12 year old who wanted to know how to clean a shower door.That just doesn't seem to be a typical 12 year old's question.(I just checked out your previous question)