What is your BEST joke ever, something different!????

Question

Just tell me your absolute BEST joke ever. Make me laugh till I pee on myself.

Answer 1

An Irish man applies for a job, and gets an interview.
After the interview is finished, he goes to the shops, and finds one that will make a timepiece out of anything...
...so he takes a potato into it. He questions whether or not the shop keeper can turn this vegetable into a reliable time keeper, and he was assured that, though possible, it would take about a week.

A week later, he collects his new clock, and takes it to the place where he had his job interview. He finds the boss, and presents it to him, and asked when he could start work.
The boss is really confused, and so asked why he now has such an unusual timepiece, to which the man replies:
"Well, you said if I could get a potato clock, I could have a job here!"




a potato clock = up at eight o'clock...get it??? Try saying it with the Irish accent- that's why he was an Irish man, the joke wouldn't work with another accent!

Answer 2

A "something different" joke...

A drunk was trying to cadge a drink from a bartender who kept telling him to get lost. Finally he said to the bartender, "All right, I'll show you! If you won't give me a drink, I'll run all your customers out of here".

"So how are you going to do that?", asked the bartender.

"I'm going to drink out of the spittoon", replied the drunk. "Go ahead if that's your taste", said the bartender.

So the drunk went over to the spittoon, picked it up, brought it back to the bar, and began to drink, trying to be as obnoxious about it as possible. Pretty soon, customers began to leave. After a while, there were only two customers left.

The bartender began to get anxious, so he said to the drunk, "OK, I'll pour you a drink. Just put the spittoon down".

The drunk paid no attention, but kept on drinking, choking and gagging as he went. Pretty soon, one more customer left.

"Come on, put the spittoon down. I'll pour you a drink", said the increasingly anxious bartender.

Again, the drunk paid no attention, but continued his disgusting act. Finally the last customer left. Then the drunk put down the spittoon.

"You rotten so-and-so", hollered the bartender, "I said I'd pour you a drink. Why did you have to run the last customer out?".

"I couldn't stop', explained the drunk, "It was all on the same string!".

Answer 3

A man goes to a doctor, "Doctor you need to help me! I think I'm a moth!"
The doctor replies, "Well sir, I'd love to help you, but you need a psychologist, I'm a cardiologist."
The man responds "Oh, I know."
The doctor can't help but ask, "Then why did you come to me if you knew I can't help?"
The man says, "The light was on."


(moths are attracted to light)


and another,

A cowboy goes into a bar, has a beer and comes out to find his horse is gone. He goes back into the bar and declares loudly, "I'm gonna have one more drink and if when I come back out, my horse isn't back, I'm gonna hafta do what I did in Texas!" He has a drink, leaves the bar and sure enough, his horse is back. So he mounts his horse and starts to ride off when the bartender runs out after him. "Say sir," he says, "I'm just curious, what DID you hafta do in Texas?"
The cowboy looks at him before replying, "I had to walk home."

Answer 4

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

Answer 5

two cannibals eating a clown one turns to the other and says does this taste funny to you

Answer 6

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ! a potatoe clock ha ha ha!