I am 16 years old. My father is from India but my mother is American.I am American but my father trys to raise me like I am in India.He doesn't let me date, summer, he follows me places, he searches my room,doesn't let me talk on the phone,goes to my school and sees who I am talking to and so much more. It is so tough for me because I have to lie about everything to be a normal teenager I would like to go out on the weekends and stuff but I can't and he wont listen to what I have to say. He even brought me this guys picture from India who he wants me to marry! My mother doesn't say anything about it because she is kinda scared to speak up for herself. I have been secretly seeing this guy for two years. I don't know what i should do sometimes. I have been secretly going out with this guy for 2 years. I hate not having a dad who I can talk to stuff about.He has said that if I talk to boys he will homeschool me or take to India.What shoulld I do?
2006-09-15 12:46:02 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Oh yeah by the way, I am not a wild and crazy person so I am not plannign on getting wild when i get older or anything & I understand why my dad is like that but I just wanna know whow to deal with it and what to do.
2006-09-15 13:02:20 · update #1
Oh yeah another thing. I am good at studies and I have dremas and goals. I know I have to have to study and worry about my future. I do. The guy I am with is really respectful. understand and like my bestfriend. I am not just a stupid immature girl who is worrying about having a boyfriend or complaing but it gets tough sometimes.
2006-09-15 13:20:28 · update #2
Oops I spelled stuff wrong. i am just typing fast.
2006-09-15 13:21:30 · update #3
Sounds like you're in a tough situation. I have a friend that was in the same boat as you. Her parents were both from India and they had an arranged marriage and therefore thought they should arrange their children's marriages as well. I really hope your father isn't taking it that far. My friend wasn't allowed to do much growing up as her parents looked over her every move. No going out, no staying with friends, no friends staying with her. Her life pretty much consisted of her family, school and well sneaking around like you said. It eventually got better for her and I guess this is where my advice is going. She turned 18! She went to college a few hours from home. Her parents no longer could monitor her every move. She dated whom she wanted, she came and went as she wanted and she enjoyed life as much as she could! Hang in there! As for the moving you to India part, my guess is he's telling a fib! Are you the only daughter? Then again, I don't know your father. Talk to your mother. Best of luck and hang in there! 16 down 2 years to go!
PS: As for my friend. She's doing great on her own. Finished college and has a great job. Even turned down her father's arranged marriage guy. Eventually, the father gave up on running her life. Afterall, she's no longer a child! And eventually you won't be either!
2006-09-15 13:01:11 · answer #1 · answered by futup_wvu 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have been seeing him for 2 yrs, honey you only have 2 yrs left and you can move out and do whatever you want. It is hard having a controlling dad. But you have to make the best out of what you got. Just hang in there and hey if your boyfriend understand and has been there for ya he will stick around until you are 18. You may have to get a job and go to school to support yourself but if that is what you are to do in life to enjoy it, it will be worth it. Plus this guy sounds like a pretty good guy, i dont think you will have any problems. Just hang in there it will get better. Good luck in all you do.
2006-09-15 13:28:58 · answer #2 · answered by bradosmom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hope this help. I had my first boyfriend at 20 and got married at 21. There is no rush for nothing in life. You are just about to be 18, and will be in your rights to make your own life. But think twice before taking that decision because you don't want to regret that later. The best, just listen to your father for now. Don't make him upset, you are still a minor. If your father wants to take care of you that way, just be grateful. There are allot of parents that they don't watch out for their kids until they get involve in sex, or come out pregnant, or find them doing drugs. Why not trying to concentrate a little bit in studies and try to become a well raise professional? I didn't studied when I had the chance, and now after 25 years I have regret it. Don't disappoint your father, because later on the one disappointed could be yourself. Boyfriends are not to be trusted at your age. Not to many last after a little while. Believe me, I've been through it. Love your parents and place yourself in your age....
2006-09-15 13:11:00 · answer #3 · answered by AnieFTM40 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Their is not too much you can do at this time, remember you are only 16, you will have plenty of time to date, your boyfriend and you must understand, your father is from another culture, things are so much different in his country, he knows the American pace, and he does not want his girl, to get caught up in growing up fast. Your key is to get the best education, and then you can have a life that you want.
2006-09-15 12:55:29 · answer #4 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask your mother what scares her the most, your father taking you away or you running away never to be seen or heard from again. If she choses the latter, then she needs to get a backbone and stand up to this man and let him know you are her daughter too and she'll fight him first before she allows his *** to take you anywhere and he best back off.
2006-09-15 12:56:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you are in the USA. and that you aren't going to marry someone that you don't know and that you are doing your best in school that you are a respectful. and he needs to back off a little. you need to stick up for your self. talk to your schoo; counsler about what you just said. but if you want to talk more here is my email christinadc2002@yahoo.com. but if he trys to force you into marriage tell him no.
2006-09-15 13:48:28 · answer #6 · answered by christinadc2002 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i don't think there isn't really much you can do. my dad isn't indian but he's kinda the same. i hate lying but if you abide by all the rules then you're gonna go crazy when you move out & have all the freedom in the world. it isn't healthy. you gotta keep lying, if you want a life.
i'm sorry youre in this situation... its gotta blow.
good luck :]
2006-09-15 12:52:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
when you go to college, save up money and make sure you dont go nuts when you have your freedom.
When you get old enough, make sure you save up money so you can live on yourown once you become an adult.
you know he is only acting this way because its normal to his culture. You know better than that, so do better.
2006-09-15 12:56:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well don't lie just to be "normal". Just obey him. You're not missing out THAT much. Don't go out. Don't date. Just do what he wants then maybe he'll see that you're obeying and respecting him and he'll change his mind.
2006-09-15 13:21:31 · answer #9 · answered by blahblahblahblahblah 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well all i can say is one day u will have to tell him and say i dont relate to what youre doing
2006-09-15 14:33:59 · answer #10 · answered by teetee p 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋