any thoughts?

Question

Sorry, I posted this once already but didn't get much feedback. I will get the hint if it happens like that again. But I really do appreciate some opinions.

I need some advice from y'all in serious relationships. I've been dating this girl for 4 months now and the honeymoon stuff has passed. We are definitely on good terms and we value each other's friendship immensely but it feels like I have to work to get her in the mood. She started a second job since we've been dating and it consumes a lot of her time (She probably works 60 hours a week) and she goes home tired. We aren't living together, but we probably stay over at each other's place 3 or 4 nights a week but inevitably she falls asleep in short order. I am all but certain she's not seeing someone else b/c she doesn't have the time and we still text and email each other during the day. My question is why would a girl hold it out from a guy she hit it off with in mind blowing fashion? I want to ask her about it. Is it awkward? Appropriate? Is this the kind of stuff that happens when feelings change or could it be something else?

I'm not looking for perfection. I kniw I am taking this relationship more seriously than any I ever have because I really like this girl a lot. I'm kinda in uncharted waters here and just looking for some advice. The last thing I want to do is push her further than she already is.

Answer 1

Have you talked to her about it? My boyfriend and I have been together a year, and we live together, and we both work long hours. I can say that we don't get busy as much as we used to, but when we do it's still just as good. Is it still good just infrequent? You guys might just be settling and getting more comfortable with each other. My advice is to talk to her and see what she says...she may really just be tired or it may be more serious. No one here can tell you which one, you have to find out from her.

Answer 2

60 hours a week among other things that have to get done. Count up the hours and add inhours for travel time and getting ready for work. Alot of other general stuff from shopping for groceries to doing dishes. You do not say what kind of jobs but still even doing simple jobs for 60 hours is enough. When I did those kind of hours my wife did not get much attention either. You add in time for cutting grass and working on things around the house and car. There is a reason that in the mid 1900 there became labor laws. You state that you see this. If she lives seperate alone then she is probly just getting by on her 60 hour 2 job paychecks. Talk to her about it. When is the last time she had a day off on both jobs at the same day?

Answer 3

She isn't holding out, she has taken the first step toward the two of you getting together permanently. You see, she isn't holding out, she's tired. She has started working toward a future home for the two of you, or even three of you after that mindblowing start. It may not seem like it, but she has Really started to put out!

If you start working 60 hours along side her, and planning the precious time you can be together with her, and making plans for a home, and pooling your money with hers for that home, she would undoubtedly see you in a very different and perhaps warmer, brighter light. You don't want her seeing you as just another guy that wants a girl to give it up and keep a false honeymoon going when you were never even married to her, do you?

You see, the honeymoon if there ever was one IS over. She has moved forward and wants to see if you too are serious enough to go with her, to wait for her, work with her, and be with her, even when she isn't in the mood and things are not all play.

You guys do definitely need to talk, and not just about tonight's plans. You see, she wants to see if YOU are willing to put out, or not. Either way, she has gotten serious and is spending time toward her future, and your future too, if you are going to be there with her. Get it? You aren't in Kansas anymore! :)

Answer 4

She is tired of working too much - for what reason ?. but it has influence on her performance as human being. Is nothing wrong with her if I'm tired I don't want to talk to anybody-just relax.
You can ask how you can help her to make her comfortable
or just some massage or whatever. She is coming to you and is for you be more sensitive. The sex is making you blind for sure.

Answer 5

i have been with my guy for 4+ years and we were so hottt in the beginning but it all changed and it often doese.she could really be tired, but for real talk to her about it.shell appreciate it.do something romantic on her night off of course. the first two years are the hardest.....sometimes the change is permanent but it cant always be mind blowing, it just kind of gets normal

Answer 6

well you might try having dinner ready for her when she gets home, and a good movie to watch.

Also try offering her a good back massage to help her loosen up, a little, she's prob'ly tired and wound up, don't make it look like your're tryin to get her to sleep with you.

but yeah definitely ask her about it, if you two do your deed several times a week, then you might wanna consider cutting back on it a little, workin 2 jobs can drain you, and just let her settle in to the sync of things and then work back up to it slowly.

Answer 7

Hey hun....Girls like her are trully good girls..we are out there..we are all not hoes...In a relationship(me of 5 yrs) its tough and its not easy..communuication is the key!!!! yeah ask her about it in some nice manner but dont push it id be tired/exhausred from hours like that!! good luck...ps..life is never gonna be perfect...

Answer 8

Sex is 99% mental, if she is so tired that she is drained physically and mentally, it just isn't gonna happen. Right now, you're just one more thing on a list that is already too long.

Try setting aside time for a date. You two can still go one one ya know. :)

Answer 9

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Answer 10

I think she`s jut tired. Why don`t you talk to her and tell her how you feel, but be careful and don`t say anything that gets her to think youre not happy with her...