I am 35 years old. My parents and immediate family think I should still do everything they tell me to do. They think they know best for my life. They get really upset when I go against their opinions. But they think I am nothing but a complete failure and have done nothing but "screwed" up my life. They think I have done nothing but made one mistake after another. Granted, I will admit I have made some stupid mistakes and I have not made the best decisions my entire life but I am trying to do much better. I can back this up and prove it. They do not give me credit for anything and see nothing positive in my life. All they see and tell me is the negative and mistakes. How do you handle family members like this? What do you say when they are upset cause you don't follow their "orders?" Please Help! I am sick and tired of this. It has been this way my entire life!! Keep in mind, my 32 year old sister is nothing but "perfect" and the best, a shining example in their eyes.
2006-09-15 11:02:44 · 9 answers · asked by dreams2Bteacher 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You should tell them how you feel. Tell them that you may not be perfect, but you want to live your life like you want to.
2006-09-15 11:11:50 · answer #1 · answered by doglady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
(*laughter*) I'm 50 and my mother still tried to treat me like I was 12 until a few years ago. I think it's one of those things that parents just do. She still slips occasionally, and I just laugh at her.
A couple of things will help.
1. Don't share everything with your family. The more they know, they more they can use against you.
2. When they offer "opinions", say "thank you..I'll add that to my list of things to consider".
3. When they ask why you never listen to them, say "I always listen".
4. When they complain you never take their advice, smile and say "That's why advice is always free, so you don't have to take it if you don't want to".
You can control how much impact they have on you. The best thing is to deflect it with humor or by not sharing. When it gets ugly, give them a hug and a kiss, excuse yourself and leave.
At some point, once they get over being tight jawed and accusing you of being overly sensitive...they'll stop. For awhile. About the minute you let your guard down...they'll start up.
I suggest refusing to justify your life, your mistakes or your decisions. When they bring up something you did "wrong", just say: "yeah..I made all those mistakes so you have something to discuss at family dinners". But say it with a smile.
This is what families do sometimes.
2006-09-15 18:24:19 · answer #2 · answered by Kaia 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well I am 23 and I have been on my own since I was 15. And my family thinks I am a disappointment also. I have 2 kids and a job. Maybe I Should have gotten a lot farther in life than I have, but I am doing it now. Anyways they can think what they want. I know they sit around and talk about me. But the truth is that I am supporting me and they don't. Anyways-I don't really talk much to my family, because when I did need them the most, they wern't there. But anyhow- I guess to answer your question. No matter what most parents continue to want to run your life and make decisions for their children. I guess it's just because they love you. But most familys are disfunctional and they should't put you down, they shoul encourage you and support you. Well good luck!
2006-09-15 18:56:41 · answer #3 · answered by sexygal8321 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first remember you will always be their "baby" even when you are 85. Do you have kids? (You'd know what I mean if you do is all) Also just b/c they tell you what to do doesn't mean you have to do it. You are grown and can do whatever you want to do. If their approval is important to you then don't give up and every time they throw these "mistakes" in your face, bring some good decisions up and make that list grow so you can continue to have examples of your efforts.
2006-09-15 18:15:35 · answer #4 · answered by oneluv1169 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
whoa sister , you are talkin some sirius stuff now ! the real question is why do our generation even care to wonder about it . i think i speak for all children ever born when i say thats the way it is and until it changes thats the way its going to be. in other words its nothing new your parents are doing to to you because if your grandparents are still alive then they are still doing it to your parents and they are just passing it along. if you dont have children yourself find a surrogate so you can have someone to tell what and when to do it and they in turn can have somebody to show that they dont give a damn either.
2006-09-15 18:14:41 · answer #5 · answered by stoppedinmytracksandlovingityepp 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most of the time parents of grown children offer their kids suggestions for what is better and just wanna be supportive.
But you ARE an adult and if you feel as if you need to be given more freedom and stuff, then talk to your family and explain to them politely about how you feel. If they don't listen to you just ignore them or talk to your sister and see if she can help you out by getting on your side and explaining to your parents on how you feel.
Good luck.
2006-09-15 18:11:43 · answer #6 · answered by sweetdollツ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel. I am 31 and my mom will not let me just live my life. I have a great paying job, a awesome spouse and a 3 year old daughter. My mom drives me nuts, she tells me everything I do wrong and what I should do and how to do it... For some reason she has higher expectations for me than my brother. I just try to shrug her off and live my life... But there are some days.............................. grrrrrrr
2006-09-15 18:10:21 · answer #7 · answered by Kristy G 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To our parents we will always be "children" so therefore they'll think they know best, just humor them! As long as you know that you're doing the best for you!
2006-09-15 18:12:23 · answer #8 · answered by Pildi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just live your own life, and tell them how you feel
2006-09-15 18:19:41 · answer #9 · answered by Giggles 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋