My daughter is getting married in December of 2006. She announced the wedding 12/05 Her fiancees parents told my daughter they were going to pay for everything. When she asked them again in June they still confirmed that they were going to pay for everything.
Now my daughter asks about wedding invitations and reception information and the mother of the groom says that unfortunately they can not pay for anything because they have to remodel their kitchen for Thanksgiving. (The only reason they are remodeling their kitchen is because their older son's in-laws are coming over for Thanksgiving Dinner and they are financially secure, a.k.a. "well-off)
So, I have not saved any money for the wedding, since I thought they would pay for it and a lot of holidays are around the corner.
So, should I, the bride's mother (single parent, single income) pay for a wedding that is a couple of months away or should the groom "Man-up" and tell his parent's to help pay?
2006-09-15 11:02:02 · 29 answers · asked by mrsoscaralvarado 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
You cannot force ANYONE to pay for the wedding, including the groom whom you so desperately want to "Man-up." Suggestion: Have a small, intimate ceremony in someones living room, and serve a couple of trays of food from someplace that does that sort of thing. A small cake is optional. The bride can purchase invitations at Target (very inexpensive) and do them on the computer. Or, you can just tell people when and where, as it would not be a large group. Toast the couple with some moderately priced champagne and let them be on their way. Weddings don't have to be GRAND SPECTACULAR EVENTS!
2006-09-15 11:07:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
You don't want to know what just came out of my mouth as I read this, it's too obscene to post :-)
First of all, how rude of them! I cannot believe that any parent would be more worried about what people think of their friggin kitchen than their son's wedding. It's a kitchen for pity sakes, who cares what they think? Do they think that their in-laws will care one way or another if the counter tops match the floor pattern? Do they think that it will make these people like them more? If they are so shallow as that, they don't have a prayer of making a good impression no matter what the damn kitchen looks like! Rich or not, these people will see right through any pretenses.
Your future son-in-law needs to have a long talk with his parents. While a fancy, expensive, wedding isn't everything, they are breaking a promise for a very bad reason. He can't make them do anything, but he does need to let them know how hurt he and your daughter are that they think a kitchen is more important than their wedding. His parents need to know how insulting their behavior is, not to mention rude, conceited, shallow, self-absorbed.....
OK, done ranting, I'm better now.
Then the three of you sit down and realistically figure how much you could put towards the wedding. If you can contribute $500 between now and then, and nothing more, then I'm sure they will appreciate it. Then they need to reevaluate the whole thing. Guest list, ceremony site, reception site, attire, food, drinks, music, photographer, cake, invitations, flowers, decorations, etc... See where they can cut costs. A small ceremony at a friend or family's house can still be beautiful.
Remind them that no matter what happens, the important thing is that they are getting married. While it hurts to have your wedding dream destroyed, it's not the end of the world. They should focus on the fact that they are getting married for life, not a wedding for one day.
2006-09-16 00:48:25 · answer #2 · answered by welches_grape_jelly 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You do not have to spend 2000 or even 1000 on a wedding. My wedding is coming up and it will be very nice. Not super fancy or anything but sweet and simple. The bridesmaid dress is a good idea it is what I will be wearing and you cannot tell its not a wedding dress. We are doing a potluck reception and having our wedding in the park so we do not have to pay for a hall. We do have a hall reserved in case of bad weather however. The bouquet was handmade from flowers at walmart and the cake will be about 65 dollars to feed 60 ppl. The jduge is 50 dollars, reception hall 50 dollars ( American Legion) I made my invitations myself with microsoft word and regular paper and they look awesome. I am also going to be serving apple cider homemade which will cost only around 15 dollars for the stuff to make it. Im pretty sure we are pulling this wedding off for around 400 dollars and it will be a very nice affair with a lot of fun afterwards. Weddings do NOT have to be flashy, they do NOT have to cost tons of money. The wedding is just a day, the marriage is whats important. I think it is great you want to pitch in:) My fiance and I however are mostly doing this ourselves in as little as 7 weeks. We don't have much money either not because we didn't plan but because we just dont have enough leftover after bills. My parents are chipping in the 165 total for judge, cake, and hall everything else we are doing ourselves. Good luck:)
2006-09-16 01:02:26 · answer #3 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The bride and groom should pay for their own wedding, unless any other family members VOLUNTEER to help with costs.
Although it is wrong that the in-laws promised something and are now backing out, there is nothing anyone can do about it. Having the groom try to twist their arm regarding the promised money would be rude.
The bride and groom wil just have to have a simpler wedding than they originally thought. Tell them to consider having ceremony and reception at a non-meal time of day, so a meal will not have to be served (that cuts a major expense)-- just cake and punch, or just a cheese and fruit platter, or just cookies and cocoa.
If she still has not purchased her dress, tell her to find a bridesmaid's dress in white or cream. No one will know it's not a bridal gown.
She can carry a family Bible or rosary or something like that instead of an expensive bouquet.
There is no shame in having a simpler wedding. Shaking down relatives for money, for a wedding the couple cannot afford, WOULD be shameful.
2006-09-15 18:38:46 · answer #4 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately there is not much you can do. The grooms parents traditionally pay for at least part if not all of the reception.
You could speak to your future son-in-law and ask him to speak to his parents but you can not force him too.
No offense but are you saying in a year they have not saved up any money to put towards it themselves. Nor purchased anything? I find that irresponsible on the couple's part.
You could offer to contribute but by no means should you put yourself in debt over this. Help as much has you can. There are numerous ways to cut corners.
Is a huge wedding and ceremony really that important? If it is maybe ya'll should postpone the wedding to give the couple time to save money up for it. You could save up some to contribute too. Perhaps his parents would be willing to chip in at a later date.
Not to borrow trouble but do you think the parents might have refused to pay because the are trying to stall or stop the wedding?
You said they are only remodeling to impress the inlaws right? Now I am not encouraging you to be as rude has them, but they seem to be pretentious.
Why not tell them your plan to have a ceremony and cake/punch reception and tell them you want to invite the ritzy neighbors and other inlaws? That might be a way to get the parents to contribute.
Unfortunately I have seen similar broken promises. A bride was supposed to receive a large monetary gift to pay from the wedding from grandparents. The grandparents decided to go on a vacation with the money.
We managed to do a lovely afternoon wedding for around $2,000 complete with a meal and DJ. It can be done!!
You can make all the flowers from silk flowers or even ribbons. Simply have the bridesmaids carry a single flower with ribbons tied around the stem.
I know I digressed but I do not want you to be discouraged. Just keep your eyes open to the possibilities. If you want some more cheap and easy money saving tips email me at mbjwithouse@yahoo.com. I will be more than happy to share them with you.
I hoped I helped somehow. Good Luck!!
2006-09-15 20:34:45 · answer #5 · answered by mbjwithouse 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately you can't make anyone pay for anything, but your right your Son-Inlaw should still say something to them about it as backing out now is wrong and just plain mean.
When my Husband and I got married we had to find the money ourselves as I come from a single mother family and wouldn't burden my Mother with the financial strain. In the end Hubbies family wouldn't even come unless we paid their airfares, when we were struggling as it was. In the end we had a small ceremony surrounded by only my family. Ten years later I'm still struggling to be accepted into their family, but I figure it's their loss.
Anyway back to your problem I'm sorry there is no one solution to the problem. You can try and make them meet their obligations to pay as they have promised. But if they are mean, nasty people they'll just find another way to ruin your daughters happiness, unfortunately this sort of people exist. Maybe your daughter could scale down the wedding a little to help cut cost, not the best solution I know but it is an option.
Goodluck to you, I hope you all work it out and have a beautiful day. And good luck to your Daughter and Son In-law, may their marraige bring them every happiness and blessings in life.
2006-09-15 19:36:23 · answer #6 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The engaged couple need to grow up and pay for their own wedding. His parents lied and that's not right but they aren't obligated to pay for a wedding. Under no circumstances should you go into debt for a wedding. They can have a small wedding with you and some other close friends. There's no law that says you have to have a big wedding. Invitations haven't been sent out so you don't have to cancel a big wedding. Your daughter might want to consider the family she's marrying into.
PS - Welches is right, your SIL needs to talk to his parents about their broken promise. I guarentee this is sign of how things will be in the future and your grandchildren are the ones who are going to suffer.
2006-09-16 03:16:45 · answer #7 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think the groom better "Man-up" and the bride "smarten up" and the two of them should have planned to pay for their own wedding. They had a whole year to save for it. It is nice when parents offer to pay for a small part of the wedding, but it was nasty that you have not saved anything in a year and it is not an excuse that "a lot of holidays are around the corner", as you say! If this can't be all decided on soon, the wedding better be postponed. Sounds like things aren't ready either, and Sept. is half over. Invitations should have already been settled, deposits would have had to be paid on lots of things - all of this sounds fishy....
2006-09-15 23:19:02 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
when my daughter got married 6 years ago - she & her man went ahead & arranged everything then informed both sets of parents that the wedding was happening in 5 weeks time.
as they had both been living in flats & then together for a while they had most of the things they needed so they asked their guests to pay for their own meal at a restaraunt instead of buying them gifts. they wanted those close to them to share their day & celebrate with them. I made her dress & the one for her sister as bridesmaid - this was all that I paid for & then her father paid for their passports as they were having a delayed honeymoon overseas.they paid for a bus to transport the guests ( about 40) from the ceremony venue to the reception - whole thing was on a island
weddings do NOT have to cost a lot of money to still be memorable & should be within the budget of the couple without out going into debt for it.
there are many options available - limited only by your imagination to limit costs but still have a fantastic day.
a cocktail party will be a lot less expensive than a sit down dinner; something catered at home can be very cosy,your daughter does not need to purchase a **Wedding gown* as such - just something that she is going to feel comfortable with & by the time she adds accessories ; flowers & shoes it will have a *wedding feel ** to it. also she could look at a pre-loved gown.
also keep guest numbers to a minimum- only those people really important to the couple.
another young friend of mine was married last year & she just had a simple event - they catered for it themselves & hired a local football club hall. her bridesmaid bought her own frock. I made the wedding outfit as a gift to the bride. some friends of her stepmother provided some entertainment & they had hired a juke box.
I hope this has been helpful in giving some things to think about- after all the wedding is really only for a few hours compared to a life-time for the marriage
2006-09-15 22:44:19 · answer #9 · answered by fairypelican 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That was very rude of what your daughter's soon to be in-laws did. Unfortunately, the groom, bride or you cannot force these people to pay for the wedding even though they promised that they would. The only way they can be force to pay is if a promissory note was done between the couple and the groom's parents. If I was in your shoes though, I would just pay for what you can along with the bride and groom. Your daughter can still have a nice wedding even though it's a few months away. Honestly, if I was the bride, I wouldn't want them to have their hands in nothing concerning the wedding at this point. Good Luck and you and your daughter and son-in-law do the best you can.
2006-09-15 18:21:43 · answer #10 · answered by Shay 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋