There seem to be alot of men who think that the money they pay in childsupport is for their ex to go shopping with. They don't stop and think that a child needs food, clothes, and a bed to sleep in, and this stuff isn't free. What is worse is the men who had one night stands. They seem to think that since it was a one night stand, that the woman either needs to abort the baby, give it up for adoption, or deal with it herself. Even with men who were there in the beginning. There seems to be so many men trying to get out of childsupport. My ex-husband changes jobs every time I turn around. He told me once, that he wished I had to give him reciepts of what I spend his childsupport on. PLEASE!!! I get $200.00 a month. That doesn't go far, especially when he doesn't help with school supplies or clothes. I have filed to have the attorney general review his child support but they are dragging their real. Why don't some men think they should pay childsupport?
2006-09-15 10:30:13 · 27 answers · asked by LittleMermaid 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
First of all, my heart goes out to you. No-one should be left to deal with this kind of stuff on his OR her own. Since it's usually men who perpetrate this kind of crap, it's one of those things that makes me ashamed of my own gender on occasion.
Anyway, unfortunately, you'll probably just have to accept the fact that some men are simply selfish jerks who can't deal with the responsibility of having a child.
A couple of my single mom friends have begun to live their lives not expecting to receive ANY child support. If they get it, great...they take their kids out for a fun dinner or something with the money. If not, oh well, they weren't expecting it anyway.
It may not be a perfect solution to the problem, but seems to work for them....
2006-09-15 10:35:36 · answer #1 · answered by Silver 4 · 5⤊ 1⤋
the reality is that there are women out there that have made a bad name for all of you. some women do spend money alloted to the childern on their own personal wants. Also, one has to ask why a man should have to pay for housing. If you did not have a kid would you not need housing. So why should he have to pay for it. I am definetly all for child support but i think certian amounts are unrealistic and there should be more accountability on the expenses. I dont see any problem with a woman submitting reciepts to an arbirator to ensure that money being recieved for child support is actually being used for the child. I disagree however tthat child support should have a said amount. If the father lives a lifestyle that is luxurious then so should the child. A father should not argue that his child can do without certian things only so he would have to pay less in child support. A mother on the other hand should not expect that her child be given amount outside of the fathers means becuase she wants her child to never go without. Both these situations are unreasonable.
As a man I can see the frustration of some men when a woman you have no intention of staying with gets preganant. You as the man may not want the child so abortion or adoption seem like a viable option. But as the man you have no say and if the woman decides to keep the baby you are now held responsible. However, if a woman decides that she doesnt want the baby she need not consult the father. It seems like a double standard but one that has a basis in biology.
That is why my belief has always been for both men and women: anytime you have sex (protected or unportected) you automatically stipulate to care for any child born of that act financially and emotionally. any other recourse is selfish and unjust to the child (born or unborn).
2006-09-15 17:51:50 · answer #2 · answered by NaNuk_911 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Some men (not all) have a hard time giving up their money for their child because they are still a child themselves (mentally). As for the woman spending support on themselves that is nearly impossible unless the child is unfed, unbathed, homeless, and naked. The average cost of raising a child = $170460.00! The $200 per month? 170460 divided by 18 yrs = 9470 divide that by 12 months in a year = approx 789.16 $200 only covers about 1/4 of the support, yet each supplied 1/2 the genes. Complaining about less than 1/2 price?
2006-09-15 18:16:17 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Let me start by saying that there is no reason that any man anywhere should never pay child support of some kind, with that said I move to your question...
Some men see support as a punishment not because they want nothing to do with the child(ren) but because there are judges out there that will set support costs so high as to the person paying can not support themselves. I have a friend who pays $500/minth in support, but his after tax, before support take home every month is around $900. He then has to pay the $500 leaving him with $400/month to support himself on, and I know it's possible, but it's damn hard when you take into consideration the cost of rent (even on a cheap run down place), car payment, cost of gas, food, utilities (the one's not included in his rent anyway) it's rough, and as you stated before $200 goes quickly with a child, well, so does $400 when you're just trying to survive. Now I have asked him why his payments are so high and why doesn't he try to have it lessend and the answer is he can't afford to go back to court. His ex has a $65,000/year job, he has a $16,000/year job so there is no way that $500/month is a fair amount to him.
Support is supposed to be based off of the incomes of the parents, and here in Ohio, the state figures that a family would spend around $10k/year on a child. Now they look at income and percentage of income. Add $65k and $16k and you get $81k/year between the 2 of them and 75% of that is her income, so state figures she should be responsible for 75% of the yearly cost with her income leaving him with the other 25%. So that would mean the state would expect her to pay $7500 and him him $2500 each year, but that is a guideline, judges can take their own discretion. He's paying $6000/year and her the other $4000, so when you look at that situation for example, that is a big reason some guys see support as unfair.
As for what you mentioned about your ex wishing he could get reciepts. I don't know you so I can't say anything about your situation, but me growing up with divorced parents can say that I think the support payee should be forced to provide the payer with very detailed reciepts. My mother got support from my father for me and my 2 siblings but rarely spent the money on us. She had all the new nice things in the house and we were wearing 3 and 4 year old clothes that were worn out and or too small for us. She was going out and leaving us with sitters, but we had to go on free lunch because she claimed that she couldn't afford $30/week to give her kids lunch money ($2/kid/day). So I grew up in a situation where a lot of shadyness was going on and it's people like my mother that is the reason that there should be records kept.
Hopefully that answers your questions and get's me a best answer vote ;-)
2006-09-15 18:00:34 · answer #4 · answered by David B 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
i agree that a lot of men think that child support goes on shopping and stuff that doesn't seem necessary. this is a silly thought because even if the mother does buy herself something that should be OK because at the end of the day that money would have come from somewhere else like grocery money. Men should realise how much there is to bringing up children. you have to be there 24-7 unpaid! Housing costs, fuel bills, feeding, clothing is only the beginning. As for having the cheek to say about wanting receipts, its up to you how you spend any monies given after all you're the one who's there for the children physically and emotionally. keep on at him, i would.
2006-09-15 17:59:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
I would give him a note every month saying
Rent $550 divided by 3 people (or however many) = $183.33
Utilities $250 divided by 3 people = $ 83.33
Food for the child, estimated $100.00
Two shirts $ 15.00
Pencils and paper $ 3.50
Haircut $ 9.00
and so on, and he will see he owes you.
But, the non-custodial parent usually feels that they should not be helping to pay for the housing and utilities because you have to live somewhere. I told mine that if I had to live on my own, I could live in a studio apartment and pay a lot less utilities, so those things do figure in. Just go ask the court, please.
Some day it will all be over with. Every time you find out where he works, get it reported to the court.
2006-09-15 17:59:05 · answer #6 · answered by jboatright57 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Because they don't get to see where their money is going and I hate to admit it but a lot of women spend it on bs instead of their children. Most guys would rather take the kids than to give the women the money and it's usually out of spite so of course they will try to fight the child support and claim the mother is unfit. Then you have jerks that just don't want to pay b'cause they are too lazy and stupid to work and when they do get a job, they end up quitting so it makes it hard for the mothers to claim the money. I myself don't get even half of what I should but I refuse to have anything more to do with the boy's dad. He can keep the money but I have my boys. If it means busting my hump to make ends meet then so be it!
2006-09-15 17:43:34 · answer #7 · answered by peg 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
i agree with you. however, just because the woman can carry the child, why does that give her all the options? half of the child is his baby too. i'm talking about the one night stand cases though. i understand that both people decided to have unprotected sex and are both fully aware of what the consequences might be. so if a woman gets pregnant and says she keeping it, why does the man have no say what-so-ever? i think if the woman wants to keep it and it is documented that the man wants her to give it up or get an abortion, the woman should take fully responsibility of the child. i do feel sorry for you and your children though. it must be very hard for all of you. just know that at least one of their parents loves them very much and is a great parent.
2006-09-15 21:10:34 · answer #8 · answered by redpeach_mi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A lot of dead-beat dads are just selfish and/or want to punish their kids' mother for going on with her life. My father was both of those things...Back in the 70's he only had to pay $20 per week to my mom (for two kids). Do you think she saw much of that money? If you guess no, you're right...I would strongly suggest that for one solid month you record all of your child-related expenses (including housing and gas). When you tally it all up, subtract his paltry $200 from the total and show him just how little he's really contributing. Best of luck to you. Single moms have my respect...I'm blessed to have a great husband who loves his kids and would never make them do without for sheer hatefulness.
2006-09-16 19:15:33 · answer #9 · answered by Barbara G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men are sooo good at compartmentalising things. So when they move on to another phase of their lives, they can cut off from their 'old' life. Also, because women still bear the brunt of most childcare, they can all too easily 'forget' what is involved. Keep fighting! It took both of you to create your child, and it isn't reasonable for him to duck out of his responsibilities. i know it's hard though. You need all the energy you've got and more just to get through the day, without having to take on all the beaurocracy. It's not fair, but don't give up. You and your child are worth it.
2006-09-15 17:42:46 · answer #10 · answered by Felida 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋