When I approach my husband with my feelings about something he will ask me my REASONS for feeling the way I do. But after I tell him why I feel the way I do he will analyse each reason saying this reason is not logical, that reason was four days ago and does not count, etc...if I give him 5 reasons he may or may not give me credit for them and this is what determines wether or not he will validate my feelings or comfort me. It seems like my reasons for my feelings must be validated through him first before he will give comfort....He told me this is how the REAL world works and acts, is he right? Why does he treat me like this? What kind of mind is this???
2006-09-15 10:26:21 · 18 answers · asked by dlmvm0612 1 in Politics & Government ➔ Military
He isn't right in treating you like that, but from his point of view he is looking at the situation logically - but what he doesn't realize is that feelings aren't logical. His thinking could be from the way he was raised and/or from his military training. The real world is based on logic, for the most part - but emotions are real and need to be dealt with. Emotions can't be cured with logic, and you can't explain them with logic. If he doesn't see anything wrong with the way he acts then you are going to have a hard time trying to get him to see things your way. You can recommend counseling, but other than that you are going to have a tough time retraining his thinking.
2006-09-15 10:30:35 · answer #1 · answered by Rawrrrr 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
he is taking a logical approach to getting to the problem and a way to fix it. It is more common in business than the military. but he is going a bit far with it. and does not mean he shouldn't validate your feelings. I am betting that he has not yet been to either NCO school or Staff Academy. Either of of those would stress the need to validate the question from the start. sounds like he only read the middle part of the book.
2006-09-15 18:25:15 · answer #2 · answered by redhawktotem 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes, it has gone too far.
everyone is blaming the wrong people for the wrong reasons.
your friends' son would still be alive if it wasn't for that clownmonkey Bush. it was Bush's decision to send troops into Iraq and soon enough, more young son's of America will die there because they are fighting a war that cannot be won by conventional weapons.
you are fighting an enemy who does not fight fair and does not care about innocent children. they will kill all who get in their way.
Bush is going to call upon more young men in America to fight for this war that is truely meaningless. Why do I say that?
because it will help nobody but his own buddies. All the contracts to rebuild Iraq will go to his golfing buddies and friends of Dick Cheney.
All your friend's mother will get for her son's death is a letter from Donald Rumsfeld saying how great her son was and it won't even be signed by him..it's a copy of his signature!!!
what an insult!
seriously, Bush is the problem.
those protesters are wrong for slamming the military..the military are just doing their job.
Bush is the problem because he's telling the military to go fight for something that doesn't make any sense whatsoever.
and what's worse is what's still to come.
Bush will draft more young men to fight in Iran in the next month or so when that war will begin.
2006-09-16 03:51:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My guess would be that this way of thinking is drilled into to be "the best marine". It isn't the way the real world works or acts, that much I know for sure. He has the mind of the military with some possible underlying issues. Don't let him invalidate the way you feel, we each are different and handle things different than others. Let him know that he's making you feel this way, that you don't like the way he's making you feel and something needs to change.
2006-09-15 17:35:35 · answer #4 · answered by spunkyshell2000 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
While he needs to look at his own emotions that way in order to maintain self-control in a MILITARY situation, and as a soldier, this is not at all the right way to respond to CIVILIAN world of being human.
It is an emotionless blockade to communication, is belittling, condescending, disrespectful, and harmful to your self-esteem. I think he needs to VALIDATE his own claim to loving you by learning some compassion, empathy, and understanding when dealing with you, or other civilians, in the OTHER real world.
You can't change him, but he can change himself if he can see the wisdom here. If not, don't cheat yourself...divorce him.
2006-09-15 19:10:58 · answer #5 · answered by tat2me1960 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if that's because he is in the Marine Corps. Try and talk out with him, even though that doesn't seem to be going to well. The best I can think of.
2006-09-15 19:36:16 · answer #6 · answered by Curt 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is how many business and military are, Men by and large don't work in a world of emotions, they are a sign of weakness to them.
So you feel the way you do, you don't have to have him understand or accept it, you feel that way. Call him silly and go on with your life.
2006-09-15 17:29:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him feelings are real and don't always follow reasoning and logic. They just are. And does he do this with his own feelings? Is he allowed to feel without justifying it to you? If so, that's pretty one-sided. I think it's cold to not comfort you before he requires a litany of reasons.
2006-09-15 17:31:35 · answer #8 · answered by Scoots 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The male species "fixes" things. They are not about feelings and it's hard for them to understand feelings if they don't understand what brought them about. I think your husband is a little insensitive to your needs. He may not know how to comfort you until he knows how to "fix" it.
2006-09-15 17:46:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds entirely normal to me...but I'm a guy....I understand that women think/emote in a very weird and illogical way though...doubt that I would ever be able to comprehend the way they think!
2006-09-15 22:30:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋