Are there any smart alecs out there?

Question

If there are, then entertain me. You know how teachers say there are no dumb questions? There are! Here is an example. "John Smith, what is ur name? When was the war of 1812? ETC ;) Have fun! This is for all of those bored jerks, like me, who like to give smartass answers! ;)

Technically, I only used 2 points. I will get 3 points back when I choose a best answer. ;)

Answer 1

- Some mornings, it just ain't worth chewing through the leather straps.

- Chaos, panic, and disorder; my job is done here.

- Few women admit their age, even fewer men act theirs.

- Oh, wait, sorry, I didn't mean to look interested.

- DAMMIT, YOU'RE STILL TALKING?!

- Sex on the television can't hurt you . . . unless you fall off.

- Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

- Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

- I went to hell, it was full, so I came back.

- Ya know what, it really don't matter if I win or lose, just as long as I piss you off in the process.

- Pissed off? Hey, it's better than being pissed on.

- I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather...not screaming and yelling like the people in his car.

- I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

- It's not an optical illusion, it just looks that way.

- Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

- We're born naked, wet, and hungry. . . .then things get worse.

- God bless America. But, God, please help Canada.

- Hey, the light at the end of that tunnel may be an oncoming train.

- Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and the world laughs louder.

- Love thine enemies...it REALLY pisses them off.

- Friends come and go, but enemies seem to accumulate.

- You can only be young once, but you can be immature FOREVER!.

- Gravity sucks.

- There are few problems that cannot be solved with the usage of high explosives.


These are from a book called "Disorder in the American Courts." They are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who endured the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

Q: Are you sexually active? A: No, I just lie there.

Q: What is your date of birth? A: July 15th. Q: What year? A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult? A: We both do. Q: Voodoo? A: We do. Q: You do? A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? A: Yes. Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there any girls?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

Answer 2

How about this for smart alec? The war of 1812 actually began in 1811, but since Congress didn't officially declare war until 1812, it is called the War of 1812.

Answer 3

What is the number to 911?
What is as big as a house, but doesn't weigh anything?
If there is 4 apples on a table and you take 3 how many do you have?
Can you only go so far north?
Rail Road Crossing Watch For Cars. Can you spell that with out any R's?
How do you pronounce the capital of Kentucky(I spelled them the way they sound, the correct spelling is Louisville) , Louy-ville or loua-ville?

Answer 4

In the Movie The Ten Commandments, how many Commandments are there?

If there are 365 days in one year, how many nights are there?

So you say your 32 years old. That's summers but how many winters is that?

What's a two bagger? You put a bag over her head and a bag over yours just in case her bag falls off.

You know what one butt cheek said to the other? If we would stick together, we could stop this shi+.

Answer 5

it extremely is an American term for a bumptious, boastful be attentive to-it-all. The word is going back to the 1860s, yet no checklist remains as to Alec's id. one would desire to undertaking forth the thought it refers to Alexander the great and how he substitute into "clever" in undoing the Gordian Knot, yet it extremely is the merest of conjecture

Answer 6

Not all answers are directly proportionate to every question. But first, the Anatomy of a question must be examined.

What is a "question?" This is weird because one is forced to use the very entity being examined to examine the question of what a question is. This is an indication that there is something lacking in man's logic or his communication systems or both or something else.

The answer is within the answer...never the question. For if we answer before we are even asked, the answer is already there; isn't it? The answer my friend is blowin' in the wind, the answer is blowin' in the wind.

Hope you got your answer because I am not answering any more questions in this context nor am I questioning you further.

Answer 7

Using Einstein's Theory of Relativity, I try to respond with just as much of a response as is required. I.E., if someone asks an intelligent question, I attempt to answer in an intelligent fashion. If however, somehow throws a completely stupid question out there (usually the morons that can't spell), I attempt to belittle them and ruin their lives for causing me such aggrevation.

du ewe unnerstan whet Im sayink?

Answer 8

How high is up? How wet is water? When is the 4th of July? How dumb is stupid? Why do birds fly? It beats walking.

Answer 9

u r not a smartass u r an overexited 12 year old or an execisively boring old peedo who has never kissed a girl or boy. :)
get a life retard

Answer 10

Shhhhhhhh, listen....do you smell that?

Hey, don't talk with your mouth open!

Look at me when I'm talking to you! (what good is that going to do, I don't read lips).

Quick, what's the number for 9 - 1 - 1?