This is a tough one, have you talked to your adoptive parents about your desire to be closer to your birth mother? you may also consider asking your birth mother if she is ready to be in a relationship with you. as there could be many reasons that your birth mother gave you to relatives that she trust, i would find out what those reasons are first. It may have been as 'simple' as she was too distraught over the lose of your father. asking questions of your family is the one true way to get the right answer. In your heart, you will know what is "right". dont forget that your adoptive parents love you.
2006-09-15 08:57:34
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answer #1
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answered by back2good1225 2
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Maybe you should get your adoptive parents and your birth mom together so you can talk about all of this stuff.
Your birth mom sounds like she is being distant from you, she wants to know how you are doing in general but not a hands on aproch. You may remind her of your father, and that may be hard for her. You should express how you feel to everyone and see if there is a way to come to some sort of deal. Your birth mom might not be ready for a teenager, so you may have to give her some time. First you might want to talk to the parent you are closest with and see how they feel about everything. There is no guarentee that everything will work out but at least you can say you tried, and that you mother will know that you are ready when she is ready. You may always have a strained relationship with your birth mom and you may end up more like friends than parent child, but try not to put too much strain on your adoptive parents, From the way you talk it seems like they have done a great job, and you should be greatful to have them.
2006-09-15 09:02:48
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answer #2
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answered by Lady 5
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Approach this situation lightly. You don't want to hurt your adoptive parents--afterall,they've taken you in as thier own now and don't want to pushed to the side. However, your want to get to know about your birth mom is justified also. I wouldn't suggest a full summer, but maybe a couple of weeks? Also, what does your birth mother think? Is she willing to do that as well? She hasn't had a daughter in 13 yrs or so, how does she feel about having one all of a sudden? Either way you look at it, you need to approach it maturely (and it sounds as if you are trying) and just emphasize that you don't want any hard feelings from anybody. Good luck and I hope you find what you are searching for.
2006-09-15 09:00:34
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answer #3
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answered by missionhtg 4
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I'm also an adoptee. I know I was very nervous meeting my birth parents for the first time, but I wasn't 13, I was 21 when that happened. Please know that your adoptive parents are your real parents. They are the ones who are there for you when you are sick, cloth you, feed you, care for you, love you unconditionally. Regardless of what happened before you came to live with them, they are your parents. I would talk to them about this first, expressing your want or need to spend time with your Birth Mother if she is willing. It may take some time before everyone gets used to the idea, and be sure to let your parents know that you love them, and will always love them. They need to know that you are loyal to them and will always love them, no matter what.....and everything will happen in due time. Even if you have to wait a few years, you will spend time with your Birth Mom. I'm sure your parents and your Birth Mom are just as emotional as you are right now. Definitely sit down and talk to them, and good luck to you! *hugs*
2006-09-15 09:25:12
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answer #4
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answered by KJ 1
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This is a really interesting story. How far away does your biological mom live?
In custody cases where it is necessary for the child to split time, the child would visit every other weekend and split holidays and summer. If the other parent lived far away, the child would spend most of the summer and fly for half the holidays.
In your case, you have had a conversation with your mom. You'd like to get to know her better, but you don't mention whether she is willing to do this. It is probably up to your parents to talk with her and elicit her feelings. If she is willing, the next step would be a short visit to see how that goes.
One thing you want to keep in mind is that your parents wanted you very much and may not be happy sharing you with a biological parent. They may look forward to spending the summer with you. Additionally they may not share similar values and they may not want you to be influenced by spending a great deal of time with someone else. Also it is very hard to explain to a child why this can not occur without causing damage to the child. In my son's case, among many other things, his father had substance abuse issues and his teenaged step-daughter who babysat my child also had substance abuse issues. I didn't want my son influenced by such things and yet I didn't want to tell him about his father's problems since he was young.
2006-09-15 09:15:22
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answer #5
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answered by Anonymous
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I was adopted when I was a day old, but grew up knowing my natural family (I just didn't know they were my natural family, I thought they were just friends). I always grew up knowing that I was adopted though, I can't imagine what it would be like to find out firstly that you were adopted and secondly that your mom was your supposedly cousin. Anyhow...I lost contact with my natural family when I was young (maybe like 5 or so). So I didn't remember too much about them. When I was about 12 my mother finally told me who they were. About 2 or 3 years later my sister found me (she wrote a letter sent to my father asking if he knew of me). Anyhow, I finally did go meet them (my mother was very willing to help me out, but I could tell she was a little scared at times that I might turn away from them, which would NEVER have happened.), I actually went to live with my sister for at least a year or more. Even though They were all ok, it wasn't where I wanted to be for my whole life. I do keep in contact with them. I go there for special occasions and they come here for the same. I don't know if I would suggest a whole summer with your mom, but I would definitely maybe get to know her better if that's what you want (if your mother is up for it). If you would like to contact me that would be fine, I would be glad to talk to you. I am now 25, but I can understand a lot of what you are feeling. Good luck. If I don't hear from you I would just give you one word of caution. Don't go into this (spending time with your mother) with lots of ideas of how it will be and making it out to be this special moment. Just let it be what it will be. If you go into it with lots of all these great ideas you might be let down and I wouldn't want you to feel like that. Just try to have fun and like I said just let it be wha t it's going to be and always remember to let your adoptive family know that you love them and that they will always be your REAL family.
2006-09-15 09:46:15
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answer #6
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answered by me me me 3
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First off, you are very strong... alot of children lash out and treat their adoptive parents badly when they find out they are adopted. So good for you! and I think it would be in your best interest to be with your birth mother during the summer... and if your parents dont mind you should start learning more about her. But always let your adoptive parents know how much you love them.
2006-09-15 08:59:23
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answer #7
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answered by Jessi K 2
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It would be nice to know her on a friendly level. Your biological mother does not make her your mother. Your mother is the one that brought you up. You could be setting yourself up for some serious problems. I would say a weekend but not a summer. You will end up hurting someone in this relationship that you are trying to establish, either your biological mother or adoptive mother. I think if you asked your "mother" if it would be OK for her to visit she may say yes. Mothers are slightly protcetive of their young and she may just say no. Don't be upset by this you have a lifetime to get to know your biological mother. This may be a touchy situation for your family especially your mother.
2006-09-15 09:01:23
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answer #8
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answered by Anonymous
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Maybe you should start off slowly. If she lives nearby, spend a weekend with her. Write her letter or emails. Talk to her on the phone. If you don't live close by, maybe spend a couple of weeks. A whole summer might be a little much since you don't know her that well as of yet. Maybe later on though.
2006-09-15 15:45:34
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answer #9
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answered by bookworm_382 5
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Wow what a wonderful story, there is a similar story with my aunt. Does your birth mom know you know? If your parents say it's and your real mom doesn't mind I don't see the issue. Good luck and I hope this all works out for you
God bless
2006-09-15 08:54:03
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answer #10
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answered by momie_2bee 5
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