is a job as well as his. He thinks that this is not a job and just something that women do. I am missing out on a career, job, money of my own, friends, a life, all to stay home and raise our boy. I dont hate it, but I do hate the fact that this to him is not a job. I always demand money these days, because before he wouldnt give me any. I guess he doesnt think that doing dishes,laundry, folding, organizing,washing floors,vacuuming, washing windows and walls,cleaning the couch, "babysitting", playing with our boy, educating our son, and the like is a job worth paying for!
I am ready to punch this mutha f'er in the balls if he doesnt wake up and realize that all the above takes as much energy if not more as a real job, plus there are no adults around to chit chat with.
What can I say to him?
2006-09-15 08:41:58 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
don't say anything show him. a full out strike is in order. no more cooking for him, no more washing his clothes or picking up after him. see how long he sticks that and it will prove the point of just how much us stay at home mums actually do in a day. take you and your son off and do fun things for awhile and if he cant appreciate you after that hes not worth the bother. or !!! tell him you want to reverse rolls for say 5 days and in that time he has to do everything you do he wont last 2 days
2006-09-15 08:47:48 · answer #1 · answered by A G 2 · 7⤊ 1⤋
There really isn't anything you can say to most husbands to make them understand just how difficult it is to be a stay-at-home mother. You can always run down the list (mother, teacher, housekeeper, babysitter, ...) and what you would be paying others if you were not doing these things. However, this rarely has any affect. I have learned from my own experience and other stay-at-home mothers that most husbands require a more concrete approach. If at all possible, find some excuse to go on a trip by yourself (preferably a week, but try for at least a couple days). Use whatever excuse you can without outright lying. Make sure to leave a detailed list of your schedule for the day, or it will be a disaster when you come home and he will not get the point. Most people that I know who have tried this had some degree of success. It does not always create a lot of improvement in how much help the husband is, but usually he is at least more compassionate. Good luck!
2006-09-15 13:15:20 · answer #2 · answered by teacher/mother 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
realistic? Well same problem here guys don't get it ! If they had ever done it they would! Mine woke up a little when I told him that for one eekend I was going to my moms, I was not taking our son! I always take my son! he would be in charge of the houde till I got back, And the house better be clean when I got home! I straightend everything before I left and went... I didn't call while I was gone to check up, I didn't answer my phone I retrieved messages to make sure it wasn't an emergency and then, stayed gone the whole weekend I didn't return until 7:0pm on Sunday! WOW the house was a mess, dishes in the sink, carpet not vacumed, I started in right away why didn't you do this and that and this? he was shaken, I didn't realize how much stuff there was to do! Yup thats what I thought! He doesn't say much anymore and he knows if he does I'll be visiting mom again real soon!
2006-09-15 15:04:06 · answer #3 · answered by Flagstaff mama 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being a parent at home and taking care of your children is NOT a job. It is a responsibility. You decided to give birth to this child and he doesn't need to 'pay' you. I have been a stay at home mom and have a large family. I still had my own money (ebaying & babysitting part time), my friends, my life etc.. plus we homeschool. I can get my home and kids all picked up in an hour every am and I trade off with mom friends so I have time to myself to get my nails done, read a romance novel etc...
This sounds like you are very angry with him, feeling he is too blame for your not being happy. Love is a decision. You are an adult and you are responsible for your happiness. You are not going to change an adult man, why not change your own mind about the way you are living.
My advice is to not have any more kids and get out of the house and do something fun for yourself.
2006-09-15 14:38:30 · answer #4 · answered by funschooling m 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am also a religious, stay at home mom. I also do a little day care a few times a week, and bring my daughter with me. The bible should be read with care. Women are not supposed to be subservient to men. Men are the head of the household. Traditionally they are the provider, protector, and spiritual leader. The woman is the nurturer, and caretaker. The husband and wife are a partnership. You also need to know that knowledge is power. Learning can only help your understanding of God and the universe, and the world around you. Congratulations! You are a stay at home mom. You love your family and take care of them. It is a hard, but very rewarding job! However, you should not condemn others for seeking knowledge. Every family is different. Some have mixed ideas and values, and their families are not balanced. But there are many forms of balance. Each family is to decide what this is for them. You have found what it is for you. That is very good. I am proud of you and your family for choosing such a wonderful life style. A womans first priority is her family. i truely believe that. i myself am goingback to school. That is what is right for me. Let me please state, women and men are equal. theyjust have different callings in life. Whatever callings those may be.
2016-03-27 02:37:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of I am sorry that he is like this. I am too a stay at home mom. My husband understands that there is a lot to do. We have 2 children. I went on a trip for awhile and I left 1 of the kids. He got to see what it was like. With everything...you know what I mean. I feel the same way sometimes about missing out on things with adults mind you. However, when it comes to being with my kids I wouldn't have it any other way. I bet ur son doesn't get very sick. Ask ur husband WHO else could care for ur child the way that you do? Being a mom is a 24/7 job! Who does most everything in ur house...I know at my house I do. When ur child wakes up in the middle of the night who does he go to? Mine come to me. Tell that husband of ur's that you are providing that boy of ur's with a mother's love which is priceless. Just let ur husband be that way, sounds like he is being inmature. Most men would want that love of a mother can give instead of daycare. Besides all the crap that goes with daycare. Just ignore him if it gets to bad...go talk to a counsler with or without him. You will feel so much better!
2006-09-15 09:00:05 · answer #6 · answered by LeeLynn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think its interesting you would say ". I am missing out on a career, job, money of my own, friends, a life, all to stay home and raise our boy." If you don't view what you do at home as important why should he?
You should view what you are doing as the most important job there is. You are influencing another human being. You can make or break your son with what you teach him right now. I think you should try to see the importance in what you do. Then he might see it too.
Do not ask for money. If you are responsible you should have complete access to the family funds and he should trust you are spending wisely.
.
2006-09-15 08:56:27 · answer #7 · answered by mahjah72 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Working mothers do all the things you mentioned, AND make the paper. Maybe he feels your case doesn't have a leg to stand on? Maybe you have done somethings that justify why he beleives you will be lazy and do nothing? Plus I am sorry, but the mental energy you exert on the job doing a skill that takes thought and creativity is more draining and demanding than playing patty cake all day and wiping down a few dishes. Let's keep it real. You don't deep clean the home everyday. Now, if you are handicapped, I agree you NEED to be at home, but your argument seems very skewed and maybe you should ask him why he feels the way he does instead of wanting to hurt his balls. Are you mad because maybe he got you pegged? C'mon, what SAHM doesn't steal the random nap when she can? Tell me what other job can you do that at?
2006-09-15 10:02:05 · answer #8 · answered by Goddess of Nuts PBUH 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'VE READ THE OTHER ANSWERS and they might be good for the short run and a little get-even mentality, however there are smarter and wiser methods and they are to talk WITH your husband.
I have to ask when was the last time you welcomed your husband home with a smile and dressed up with your lipstick on, looking pretty, with a smile and his favorite meal on the table? Some times when we become a mom, our attention focuses ONLY on our new child and we forgot about the person that got us to the point of motherhood. When was the last time you thanked him for being a good provider so that you could stay home and be a MOTHER to your child? Granted, you probably feel that you haven't been thanked either, but you have one of the greatest gifts in the universe and that is to be the MOM! Remember when you all met and you were so-o-o involved and would love each other forever? Well that test is now, and your child should be the object of that love and what is best for his development.
I bet if you start with these ideas you will have a happier marriage and a great partnership with your husband of being parents to your beautiful child.
One more thing, "let" your husband share in taking care of your son; let him do things "his" way without criticism. Ugh, it is so hard to bite your tongue and walk away from the way he does things, but unless he is either truly neglectful or doing something harmful, bag it! If you go the revenge method (which rarely works), you will find yourself in a divorce court, a single parent and a really rough life for not only you, but for your child as well. Your child will most likely be warehoused away from loving parents most of his waking hours in a child care facility. DOUBLE, TRIPLE UGH, UGH, UGH! No one and I mean No One will care for your child like you do and will. Or your husband.
I know you don't want this for your beautiful child. Think of the times in the early morning with all of your hugs and snuggles and then think of having being hustled off to a blank day care center. Regardless of the cute names that these folks give these human baby warehouses, NOTHING compares to a loving mom and dad in a loving commited marriage relationship. It is neccessary for the healthy development of your child. Once he gets into school, (preferably private) or you decide to homeschool, then career can come later. Right now, it is NOT about YOU or your Husband, it is about the rights of your child to a loving TWO parent family.
If you do these loving things with a loving attitude, you will have NO problem having some money in your purse. How could he possibly be stingey with the loving wife and super mother of HIS baby. WHAT A GIFT!
Hope this helps, and gives you a new and different perspective other than the ideas of family destruction and revenge. Pray and see what happens when you go to the LORD with a contrite and loving heart.
Should I think of more ideas or thoughts I will write about them for you.
Fondly with Prayers for you and your family,
The Diva, Darling
2006-09-15 09:36:26 · answer #9 · answered by divadawling 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I was in the same situation a long time ago. I took a day off!! And believe me with nothing clean and no food on the table when he comes home and you just say "it was my day off" then mabey he will see what you take care of all day. If you really want to go to work then offer switching for a while, let him take a few months off.(most guys can get this due to state laws if they need a break(kinda like maternety leave)
this web site is through babycenter.com I love this site:
its about dads who do not support stay at hoe moms:
http://www.babycenter.com/dilemma/baby/babychildcare/1399895.html
2006-09-15 08:51:57 · answer #10 · answered by sr22racing 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your sentence about balls totally cracked me up!! I can truly sense your frustration. I agree that your husband lacks respect for your job and for you. And it is exactly that a J-O-f***ing-B. Go to www.drlaura.com. She is a huge stay at home mom advocate and has great advice. If you can get her station in try to listen to her radio show. There is nothing you can really say to your husband except ask him why he feels that what you do is not a job. And see if you can get to the bottom of it that way. Or go on a strike and tell him your going to stop doing everything you do in the house. Tell the F***er to wash his own stuff, cook his own dinner, and save all the other chores for him. I would be happy to help you punch his balls in with you if he gives you any more grief. At least he gets a lunch break everyday!!!
2006-09-15 09:01:39 · answer #11 · answered by JenUs 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋