what do u think about this situation.?

Question

i have been with my man 5 yrs, we just moved in with each other 2 months ago. we live with my 3 kids. my baby's father came from flordia today because he bought his kids a new computer. iam currently at work, but my brother who babysits is in my house. now iam not good at installing computer and putting a computer desk together and either is my man..so i ask my ex to put it together and to connect it for me, add programs. now my boyfriend is pissed because he says that why is my ex in his house. i explained and now he don't want to talk to me.. what do u think, my man is right or iam.

Answer 1

Did you check with your man first before asking your ex to install the computer? Not to ask for permission, but just to inform him and get his opinion. Cause by not doing that, you're messing with his ego. I know that you probably have to deal with his ego from time to time, but this is one of those times where I'm sure it got a little bruised.

You made a logical decision, however, if you talked to your man about it first, then he probably would have had a friend set it up, or he would have learned to do it himself. Instead, you now have your ex in your house where your man is the man of the house.

There's no right or wrong here, there will be a time where he won't check with you about something that will hurt you (without him intending to). Just be courtious to each other.

You guys are settling in to living with each other and this is just a speed bump. Work though this to resolve whatever both of you are feeling versus trying to argue about who's wrong and right.

Answer 2

I think the key point is where you said you asked your ex to put the computer together "for me", you didn't say "for the kids".

It also seems to me that your brother should not have let your ex into the house without the permission of the owner, plus your kids are probably on "visitation only" from their father. So the brother did wrong (or maybe he wasn't initially instructed).

By the way, a computer could have been set up with programs and all at another location and then just plugged in at your place.

And, it depends on who is paying for your keep. Is your boyfriend paying for you and for the rent and electric for your kids? If so then I can see why your boyfriend got angry.

I think the boyfriend is right. You needed to consult with him first. And you both need to talk, or you'll be finding yourself another bf.

Answer 3

I think that your man is a freeloader if he hasn't married you after 5 years and needs to move into his own place. Your kids received a gift from their father and wouldn't have been able to make use of it while it's in the box. It was a good thing that daddy took the time to fix it. Your man is just jealous and probably making the kids feel bad for enjoying this gift. Make sure they realize that they didn't do anything wrong and neither did their father. Get rid of the loser boyfriend ASAP!

Answer 4

I’d be pissed if I were in your boyfriend’s position. In no way would I accept my wife’s ex being in the house that her and I now shared. I would not accept any trace whatsoever of my wife’s ex in our house, let alone the man himself. You need to look at this from your boyfriend’s point of view. How would you feel if he had his ex hanging out in the house you had together? I doubt you would like it. Exes are exes for a reason. If you want your ex around you then why the hell did you leave them in the first place? Ex partners belong in the past.

Answer 5

I think your man loves you much.
Your ex bought kids a pc. That means he won attention and love. Of course that makes ur man pissed, because he wants to be somebody for them too. He is just afraid that you feel like kids and may have thoughts of coming back or so.

It is great he feels so about u after 5 years!
Be tender to him and explain all, just say one more time that HE is the one you love, not to prove him anything but just so to let him know. He will calm down.

Answer 6

Its not a matter of who's right or wrong but did you check with him first out of respect? if you did then its just an ego thing with him and if he loves you he will get over it. If you didn't then I would be extremely pissed off because that's total disrespect for the ex to even put himself in that situation, so if pissed is all that he is in the 2ND situation. you better keep him because me and my partners probably would have handled that differently....you might not have been able to ask this question. good luck.

Answer 7

you are.... the one thing your ex has to understand is that your ex is still your children's father... that was something he wa told prior to moving in together. It was a package deal... no matter his feelings the father will always be the father.... get a grip... all he was doing was putting in a puter and desk not having sex with you right?

Also, maybe next time just give him a heads up and let him know what's going on too... only respectful

Answer 8

Well, his feelings are justified because they are his feelings. Right, wrong or indifferent. It might be silly of him, and a pride thing, but that's how he feels.

I think it's best not to do the right or wrong thing on this one but just acknowledge the fact he's upset.

"I didn't realize you would be upset by me having the ex put together the computer, I apologize for not consulting with you first, I just didn't think it would be an issue."

This way you're not saying your wrong, and you're giving him a little of his pride back.

Answer 9

Tell your man to get over it, that your children's father is always going to be in their lives whether he likes it or not. He's only putting a computer desk and computer config together, he's not taking over the household and calling it his. Tell him to sit on some ice cubes and chill out.

Answer 10

Tell ur man to get over his jealousy that you are his now

Look at it from an intelligent point of view' the man knows how to set it up to work properly and he in the end will benefit from this as well.