My 5 year old daughter is sweet,beautiful,smart and makes me proud to be her mother. Ever since she was in pre-k she has had a hard time making friends. She is shy so it takes her a while to say would you like to play with me? She is now in kindergarten and she is still not real involved in playing with other kids. Where I live there are kids but they are mean to her thet tell her to go home take her purse away and look through it thats a big no no shes been told shes fat,ugly, been called a b*tch fat a** by kids older than her. A neighbor lady told her to het out of her yard and go play in the road but wait till a car comes she denies saying it to her though. I understand why shes afraid to make friends she is afraid of rejection and I tell her all the time that she is beautiful,smart, sweet and that I love her all the time. I would so much like to just pack up and move to get away from here. How do I help my daughter make friends easier and to stop the bullying?
2006-09-15 07:49:24 · 9 answers · asked by 2wild4u 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
The bullying is done by the kids in our neighborhood not at school that I know of but the kids that are doing it also go to the same school as her. As for the neighbor lady she is big on going to church activities and is a youth leader I would love to let her church know what she said to my little girl. The teacher she had in pre-k bullied her and I went to the superintendant that was after I spoke with IL state board of education it stopped immediately. Its so sad that kids are cruel these days and I hate it that my little girl is finding out early but she knows that mommy and daddy love her and as long as a child knows you love them no matter what at least they feel like they are important and have at least one friend. I thank all of you for your responses they are all helpful.
2006-09-16 10:20:14 · update #1
My six year old seems to have trouble making friends. She is a gifted student, and I believe the other kids are intimidated by her intelligence. She is always the first to answer questions in school, and much more advanced than her grade level. As her mother, I think she is the best little girl ever, but her schoolmates find her easy to pick on. She does not stand up for herself for fear of getting in trouble. I often tell her what to say back to kids when they are mean to her, and she says she will not say those things to other kids, because they are not allowed. I don't know what to do, I of course want to foster her high IQ, but I do not want to make her a complete social outcast.
2006-09-15 08:01:01 · answer #1 · answered by Olive Green Eyes 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my daughter is 13. from being about 6 she too has been bullied. its a horrible thing to have to go through. After a while I even thought that it must be something which she must be doing wrong. Although I know shes no angel like most kids, I watched sometimes and every time I saw something happen she had done no wrong. I moved her school but trouble seemed to follow her. Now I have moved to the countryside with her, she was then beat up on the bus as the school is 15 miles away. Now I take her to and from school myself and work my days around her. I sometimes feel that this problem will never go away but also realise that people, even adults can be very nasty. My daughter is a very independent young girl and no longer lots people get her down. The bullying bothers me more than it does her. I love my daughter more than life itself and would do anything to protect her, however I would do her no favours if I was to follow her into school and have words with her tormentors. The hardest thing that I had to come to terms with was the fact that my daughter is quite a loner, however this will do her no harm when she leaves school as its not her friends that will matter then it will be her education.
Some of the things which she has said people have said to her are unbelievable and its even harder when the other person who denies it is an adult, but dont disbelieve her please. If you are in the position to move house then do so as you will be no worse off and with that you will be able to move her school too.
Dont worry to much about the friend thing as she will make friends when shes ready to and its better that she be selective with her friends anyway. I wish you best of luck with this as it can be very disheartening when you see your child being bullied.
2006-09-15 18:43:37 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can afford the move, I would suggest it. It doesn't even seem like you're living in a very positive town by the comments you've made about what the kids are saying and your neighbor.
Move somewhere more positive.
Where are you currently living right now? If in a congested area, I suggest the suburbs.
On the other hand, a child needs to find their own confidence in themselves to be able to stand up to bullies and make friends. It takes all kids and people time to develop this (some never do) so that could play a part.
2006-09-15 14:54:24 · answer #3 · answered by Dr. Arnold 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Switch schools. I can see why she would have a problem with making friends since she's been hurt by so many other kids. If I were you, I'd ask her if she wanted to switch schools. Tell her that not all kids are mean, and that you will work hard to find her a good school with nice kids who are polite and won't pick on her. The best thing to do for kids who have been picked on or who are shy is to put them in a safe setting such as a place where you know there would be some nice little girls for her to become friends with. Take tours of other schools and maybe she'll see that other schools have nicer kids and maybe she'll look forward to switching. Good luck and God bless :-)
2006-09-15 14:53:11 · answer #4 · answered by BeeFree 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is very hard for a parent being in a difficult situation, when you feel your child might not be accepted as they are.
Being a parent myself I understand your concern. Sometimes we might even tend to exaggerate situations ourselves and this way we might feed into what she might be wanting. Even more attention from you, this might be another point to look at. If this is how you're feeling you might be spoiling her even more by isolating her in a way.
I personally would try and observe her while playing (try to arrange this with the kindergarten staff) to make sure what is going on.
Sometimes things just change by themselves.
Make sure to voice your concern with the staff there, and tell them to give you a list of what she's been doing and how other children are reacting to her. Talk to a child psycholog as well to give you more tips.
-Don't treat her as a victim, she might pick that and act like one.
At the end of the day, tell her that not everyone will like her, but do have your friends with children and start building another network where she will feel appreciated.
This will go away - we all had friends who were not popular or maybe even we weren't popular ourselves. Then we were!
Scales tip up and down all the time.
As she grows up she will learn that herself. For now you're doing the right thing -BUILDING HER CONFIDENCE!- through loving her, making her feel valued and noticing things that some parents fail to do.
Good luck - sorry for such a lengthy response, but I just feel fo you.
2006-09-15 15:03:25 · answer #5 · answered by pimlico33 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sound like you need to move and do it fast. If you have to stay with a relative until you can find somewhere else. Yes children can be mean and dealing with it can make you stronger but you need to do what is best for your child and that is to move, I know it cost money to leave but if my child had that many negative comments given to her daily I wouldn't hesitate to move even if it meant living in the car for a few day's. No child deserves to be treated that way it will only bring on more emotional issues later on if it is to continue. My son went through that but not to that extent when he was younger after telling people to stop and it not working I left, I had to live with my parents for awhile but he was in a more positive and safer environment.
2006-09-15 14:58:59 · answer #6 · answered by medevilqueen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well my daughter is 9 1/2 months and she likes beatin up on lil boys already. But at an early age you have to try to get them to interact with other kids too. You should just set up play mates for her and teach her games that are for groups instead of an individual
2006-09-15 14:59:17 · answer #7 · answered by sugar507 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
write a letter to the princable of the school, or move.
2006-09-15 20:32:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
take her to sunday school
2006-09-15 14:53:33 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋