u can choose ur friends but not your family. how, do u settle and what ways and tactics do u use to avoid your brother or sister whos attitudes are like chalk and cheese with yours. u always end up arguing after making up, fight and cant help notice each others bad habits all the time and makes u feell really angry, tired (of fighting) and upset and emotionally upset and low self esteem as a result all because of HER! what do u do. you're not even living under the same roof. thought it'd change things but no. what do u do?
2006-09-15 07:47:29 · 11 answers · asked by allgiggles1984 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
i knw the 'learn to ignore' 1. i've tried it lots of times but theres a limit to a humans patients and sometimes, it gets too much.
2006-09-15 07:53:41 · update #1
patience i meant for those who hate people writting in short!!! hint hint to the guy who answered my question 1st!
2006-09-15 07:54:42 · update #2
she's the jelouse 1 and if i am happy, she goes and ruins everything. i dont do that do i? no, coz i just like to be happy forevery1 but she cant help but be jelouse and tahts why i hate her attitude. never tries to get along with ppl, even her driving instructor or tutor at college! i h8 shallow ppl and she one of them and cant stand em!
2006-09-15 07:59:33 · update #3
i had a similar situation i guess. me and my older sister of 3 years are like oil and water --> we do NOT mix. and it stems from something deeper ( long story short, my mom and dad are divorced, and he treated her badly growing up, but was nice to me. so she started treating ME badly due to resentment..not my fault, but obviously she was really hurt by him..even to this day =T ).
so constantly growing up, my mother told me "ur sister had a bad childhood, u have to be nice to her".. even if i didn't do anything wrong, and she was the bossy, mean, hateful one! and when my mom obviously saw that my sister was mean to me, she would reprimend her..and my sister would feel upset because she felt my mother was always taking MY side (not realizing that her behavior was being punished, not that my mom was taking any sides).
so i grew up having an extreme dislike/disdain/lack of respect for my older sister...even though by Nature i loved her, wanted to be around her, wanted her affection, approval. dysfunctional huh? =T and through all the failures, i started resenting her, and not caring about what she thought about me anymore. i didn't try to get her approval anymore.. i started living my OWN life. working hard on things I felt were important. so i learned to kinda ignore the bad, and treat her nicely, do what she ORDERED me to do (she is so bossy and lazy!), with an attitude that i am not going to start any fights, or do anything to provoke her bad attitude.
and u know what? (this is a side note). she moved out awhile ago, which was good... for all of us. when i went to visit her once in Virginia, we were walking down the street, i was on vacation! in another state! so i was in a good mood, and i was window shopping and pointing out things, and my sister looks at me and goes "You look at the Weirdest things". and later, i am humming to myself a Beach Boys song, and she looks at me and goes "NO ONE listens to the beach boys.. what is wrong with you".
=(. she made me feel really bad about myself..for no reason! so you have to Learn how to build up ur own self confidence and respect for yourself ---> i don't listen to her trying to make me feel stupid for liking beach boys. i feel hurt because my sister can't accept me.... (and i know she is doing it in part because she still doesn't feel accepted from my father.) so i will keep on listening to the beach boys, window shopping and observing funny things. i am proud of who i am, and i am a happy person.
later it got bad, and she made me cry about something stupid and mean...and she felt bad. and apologized. and admitted she has an anger problem. and that she is proud of me, and thinks i am a really good daughter/sister... even tho she never shows me. so i realized that if i had listened to her, and let myself become negative, i wouldn't be happy. but because i chose to develop Myself, my happiness, for my own self, not for anyone else, i am able to get thru these situations and Stay Positive. :) i know i get hurt, because i Love her. but i am proud of that..i won't change.
i encourage u to seek what is Healthy, Positive, and Happy in ur life. build urself up to be confident in yourself as a Woman, and Daughter, Sister, Mother, everything..... and even when people or life treats u unfairly, being proud of urself will help u bounce back and get over the rough spots. :) good luck, and take care of urself.
2006-09-15 07:59:36 · answer #1 · answered by sasmallworld 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The best way is to try by all means to mind your own business for that way you avoid unnecessary confrontations.
Remember, in life there are certain people who don't appreciate advice because they view it as if you will be meddling with their life.The same kind go haywire if such advice is uttered in the midst of other people.
Just get along with other members of your family and act as if she doesn't exist .Since she is such an eyesore why don't you start to say things which you know she will appreciate and stop any kind of ridicule whenever she is around for the sake of coexistence. Sometimes in confrontations, one has to show maturity such that people will notice the difference.So all you have to do is to act dumb and pretend as if you are a fool nonetheless, with principles.That way you won't suffer from stressful confrontations.
2006-09-15 17:09:52 · answer #2 · answered by marizani 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Always agree even if you don't. Always compliment even if you think otherwise. They are right no matter what. See them only when you have to and when you do, smile from ear to ear and tell them how happy you are to see them. And if they complain and insist on arguing, just tell them not today, you have too much on your mind as it is, and wish them a very nice day, even though you wish it would rain daggers on their head. --And just walk away. Do not linger because that gives them license to further abuse you. Walk away and go somewhere that makes you feel good to be alive.
2006-09-15 15:00:35 · answer #3 · answered by Call Me Babs 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should pray about your relationship. Sometimes those that are closest to us hurt us the most. Even if it's intentional or unintentional. I have no other advice for you, other than maybe this person is hurting as muchas you and you should really sit down and talk.
2006-09-15 14:54:07 · answer #4 · answered by Becky M 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My family and I are strong willed people and know we're not going to change each other's opinions and thoughts about anything. We voice what we think, respect it and leave it at that. If they try to argue with me, they know they're wasting my time and their breathe.
2006-09-15 15:01:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
just give each other time 2 miss each other if she/he still has a bad attitude then ignore them 4 a while work 4 me & my big sis ALL THE TIME.
2006-09-15 14:51:18 · answer #6 · answered by Twiggy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you realy cant get along, stay away from each other. dont involve anyone else in the family, especially to take sides. keep your distance and keep your cool around her if you do have to meet.
2006-09-15 14:52:45 · answer #7 · answered by Raine 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well i am in the same situtation with my mom i dont live with her but we fight alot what do is bite my lip bc idont want to fight but when they tear u apart like just tell them u feel bout it and ask them how would u like it if i said that too u
2006-09-15 14:55:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
All I can suggest is you agree that you both disagree on some or all things.
Its ok that you are both different, just leave it at that.
Agree that you are in dissagreement. Good luck!
2006-09-15 14:52:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cant really avoid it just ignore it, the best i can say is be kind even if they dont deserve it
2006-09-15 14:51:36 · answer #10 · answered by Miss k 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋