I dated a Christian girl who was not a virgin but I am. That ultimately was the downfall of our relationship. I have struggled in my faith with lust and I want to know from other believers what it means to you to remain abstinent. Do you feel pressured to have sex? What do you do if you have had sex and then become a Christian? Do you find it hard to find a significant other when one of you has had sex and the other has not? I need some advice.
2006-09-15 07:42:42 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
This means sex outside of marriage. Not inside of marriage!!!!
2006-09-15 07:48:28 · update #1
c-dawg,
It's important to abstain for many reasons.
First and foremost, God commands us to do this. It's for a great reason too. Sex will cloud your judgment. God created sex for two purposes. 1) Procreation and 2) to be shared within a committed relationship (marriage)
How old are you? Are you ready to raise a child? Are you financially responsible, pay your bills and have extra to spend on a child? Or can your rearrange your life to care and rear a child?
Abstinence does three things: 1) keeps you from getting STD's (sexually transmitted diseases) some of these diseases have cures, some are like baggage (herpes) and now there's AIDS and that kills you...for a few moments of pleasure, do you think the risk is worth it? You are not only having sex with her, you are having sex with everyone she's had sex with...
2) Keeps you from getting your girlfriend pregnant - I know there are things that you can do to "protect" yourself and her but none and I do mean NONE are 100%. There are many babies/children that have been born to parents on the pill or that used a condom, etc...
3) Keeps you pure for your wife - If the both of you have never been with anyone else you can't compare it to anyone else. I promise you, it will be worth the wait. You deserve it and so does your future wife.
Even as adults this (lust) is an issue. What you need to do is make a decision to stay a virgin. Take the issue off the table. It's not open for discussion...and stand firm. Can it be difficult, yes. I know this from experience.
It's worth the wait. Our secular world will tell you different with all of the sex saturation in our culture but that doesn't make it right!
Example: I have a family member that was a virgin until she was married...and she's glad she waited. She was 26 when she got married.
I have another family member that decided not to wait. His ex-girlfriend just had her baby. He's not sure if it's his and they are going to do a DNA test. He's 19.
I promise both of those are true stories.
If you have sex outside of marriage (fornication) and you become a Christian, you must ask Jesus to come into your heart and repent of your sins (stop sinning), so you can move forward.
It will be your decision whether to marry someone that is a virgin or not. Keep forgiveness in your heart and don't hold it against her. What would be more important is that she's a Christian, sharing your core beliefs (equally yoked). God has forgiven her for her sins. So, how could you hold that against her? You two can be abstinate together. It's that simple.
Pray about it...Keep God first in your life and He will reward you greatly!
Grace to you and God Bless!
2006-09-15 07:44:37 · answer #1 · answered by Salvation is a gift, Eph 2:8-9 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Think about this.
All desire to have sex outside of marriage is a need for control. It's a need to mark territory and force the other into submission.
The feelings are natural but it's what you do with that counts.
God made sex specifically for marriage and intended that to be the bond that seals the deal.
Having said that, there is all the room for forgiveness in the world if you are dating a non-virgin. Just understand that it's much harder for them to NOT cross the line than you, and respect your situation so it won't lead to that.
Get people in your life who understand your boundaries.
It's not so much the issue that you are dating a non-virgin. She could respect your boundaries more than a someone who has never had sex. Not likely though. The issue here is always boundaries and then you will find compatibility through respect.
Good for you for taking a stand, and ACTUALLY FOLLOWING THROUGH. that's rare in this world
2006-09-15 07:51:35 · answer #2 · answered by joelgehringer 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi Ellie. I'm 20, female, Christian and I made the same exact mistake when I was 18 years old. I was in love with my boyfriend and as soon as it happened I regretted it and have ever since. It tore me apart for a long time, because I knew God would forgive me but forgiving myself was harder. I made a promise to God and my relationship with him was more important and I broke my promise with him and it felt like I broke my relationship with him too...and I lost myself. I too have met a great new christian guy and the first thing I did was tell him I'm not having sex till I'm married and also that I made the mistake that I regret but there's nothing I can do to change it and that's my past. And he admitted to me he made the same mistake a year ago and also wants to wait/start over again as well. I pray you get the strength to tell him like I did and maybe finally talking about it with him will help you grow away from your mistake as well. Who knows, maybe he made the mistake too. Wont know till you talk about it. Best of luck
2016-03-27 02:33:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wait till your ready and then only when ready become active. That means now, next year, five years from now, whenever YOU are ready. BUT, DO NOT let your personal beliefs in chastity have you miss out on finding a wonderful woman to share you life with--that would be missing the forest for the trees.
2006-09-15 07:50:11 · answer #4 · answered by Jen-Jen 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
My virginity is so important for sure and there is time for everything so why do we have to hurry?! We'll get married and make it without being sinners!!
Well done for your stand!!
Best wishes!!
2006-09-15 07:52:25 · answer #5 · answered by The born-again christian 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Humans have sex. The end!
2006-09-15 07:48:22 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Have sex. I don't think you need any more advice than that.
2006-09-15 07:46:11 · answer #7 · answered by Ale 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Christians have sex, you know.
2006-09-15 07:45:27 · answer #8 · answered by Tommy 4 · 2⤊ 3⤋
dude its normal, so do me a favour and have sex...
2006-09-15 07:51:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋