Would you think of your child differently...?

Question

If your son/daughter grew up and became addicted to a drug, would you feel as though you failed as a parent? If you see an adult who is atticted to drugs--or smokes pot recreationally--do you automatically assume they had bad parents? How about teenage pregnancy--is that due to bad parenting? How much blame can we put on parents?

I would just like to add--so there is no confusion--I am a parent. I am also someone's child--but this I'm not asking this as a daughter--I'm asking this as a parent. I know it's confusing but I hope you can understand.

Answer 1

No, I would not feel differently toward my child, but yeah, I would feel that in some way, I had failed them. I don't, however, think that you can blame every single bad decision that a teenager makes on bad parenting. Teen pregnancy? Well, my best friend in high school stayed a virgin until the year after we graduated. She started dating this guy, and after a month, decided to have sex with him. On the first time, she got pregnant. And she had GREAT parents. It happens. She ended up marrying the guy and they were married until just recently when he died from a heart attack (he was only 32). They even went on and had 2 more kids... So, no, every single situation is different. I know a lot of kids who came from great parents who screwed up and made mistakes... then I've known kids from really crappy parents who went on and became successful. Every situation is different. You can't blame everything on the parents. There has to come a time when kids have to start taking responsibility for their own decisions....

Answer 2

That's a tough one. It's true that bad parenting or bad environment/lack of education can affect how a kid grows up. But, there are also families where the parents did what they were supposed to do; but some kids in the family just take the wrong path.

By the time a kid is middle school age they're spending, what, maybe an hour or two a day with the parents, and 8 or more long hours with their peers. Around teen age the kid's world focus is shifting from the parents to the peers (to the consternation of the parents, often!) So at that time, the adult's influence has waned and their friends are king in their minds.

So although bad parenting can be a factor in kids trying drugs or becoming pregnant, I don't think it's always the case. Kids are individuals and make their individual choices. You can teach them about drugs being bad or sex ed and good choices, but it's in the end it's the kid that makes the choice.

Answer 3

A parent can only teach so much. We must remember that our children have outside the home teaching sources; School, TV, Magazines, books, other kids parents, grandparents, aunts uncles, other kids.
When a child becomes an adult child they retain the knowledge of right and wrong that we as parents have taught them. But with all the other outside sources that they have been exposed to they choose what to do or not to do.
Yes there are some bad parents out there that teach not so much by words but by example.
Children listen more often than not to what we do rather than what we say.
You can place blame on the parents when you see the enviroment that the children have grown up in, as children are a product of their enviroment.

Answer 4

Hopefully parents do their best. They raise children to be self reliant and be aware of the choices that they make. Be aware that choices are our own and with every action there will be a reaction. The thing we need to ask ourselves is can we handle the reaction we will receive from those who love us. I would not ever love my children any less for the choices that they make including drug usage. I may become disappointed with choices and try my best to help them work through the situation making sure that they are aware that i do and always will love them no matter what they do. As far a pregnancy, it happens, but if your not having sex you cannot get pregnant, if your having protected sex you are lessening your risk of becoming pregnant and STD's some of which you can not cure.
It all comes down to personal responsibility and choices. All of our choices are are own. However, I feel if you don't have good guidance from your parents which a lot of children do not, then you must learn the hard way. By trial and error. There is a saying a Indian man told me many years ago that has always stuck with me that goes like this. " A wise man learns from another man's mistakes, a foolish man learns from his own." It is a waste of time to blame the parents simply becasue when your grown no matter where you came from, it is ultimately your choice where you are going to go. Accept responsibility, and move foward doing your best to be your best.

Answer 5

I personally would feel like I had somehow failed. When I see people who are drug addicts, I do not blame their parents. When I see teenagers in my town who only want to get high, then yes, I blame the parents.
Teen pregnancy is also something I attribute to parents.
however, I'm not stupid enough to think that every pregant or burnt-out teen is due to a parental failure. But I see how my parents raised my sisters and I to stay away from drugs and to not have sex, and I listened to them. So why didn't the other kids listen to their parents. Did the parents not say it enough? Did the parents teach it but the kid didn't listen? Every situation is different, but I believe that how you raise your children GREATLY affects how they will turn out. And I don't just believe it, it's a proven fact.

Answer 6

Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll.

I see where you are heading with this.

You did not give them the drugs, you did not tell them to have sex, and as for Rock and Roll when children get to gether to have fun they are not trying to impress you as much as they are trying to impress their peers.

If you see a friend addicted to drugs you can be pretty sure his/her parents dead not give him/her those drugs. You should probably feel sorry for them and not him/her. i had a lot of friends like that and none of them were in the shape they were in because of their parents. You can limit their money, you can limit their freedom but can't stop them from experimenting with their friends, and that is where the problem begins.

Sex is a strange occurence that begins when one or more children play they I know more than you card at school. I remember seeing that happen in elemementary school and within minutes the whole class was having sex of some sort or another right under the teacher's nose. All you need is a way of turning your back to the teacher or a moment when they step out of the room. That happens all too often.

You can teach them, you can talk to them and you can discipline them but they may still disappoint you. There is inothing you can do about it.

Answer 7

I blame teen pregnancy on there not being parental supervision.If the father isn't around the teen is just looking for love...tho in the wrong place! A person wether a teen or an adult and smoking pot or doing other dug's that is just low self esteem! And I do blame the parents for that as well.your child should NEVER feel neglected like they have to find love in other places and your child should never feel like they aren't worth anything b/c i believe that's why ppl do drugs...they feel worthless,not wanted,low self-esteem,or they just don't give a sh** about there life!! I wouldn't think differently of my child(I would get them help)but I would think differently about the parent's!

Answer 8

I do not know how much blame we can put on the parents. I do believe as a loving parent that one should always question their parenting when it comes to things as you described. By the same token, and not meant to ever negate a parents influence on the child, I believe every person comes into this world already with there own path. For whatever reasons, people seem to be destined, for lack of a better word, towards certain discretion's in life- choices by which the parents had no control. But again, I feel it is our loving duty as a parent to be as introspective, without guilt, as we can in finding our own part in others lives.

Answer 9

I think it is really funny how parents take all the credit for their children's successes but never the blame for the failures. To say that parents have nothing to do with their children's poor choices would be to say that there is no point in even being a parent or trying. However, just telling your children that they could get pregnant and therefore should be abstinent does not ensure that they will listen. It is definitely a combination. One should give their children all the information they can, but ultimately that child is an individual and will begin to make their own choices.

Answer 10

Children are born innocent and they only know what we teach them, that is course until they start school! Children pick up things from all over the place and ther can be no control over this. Parents are not the only influence in a childs life. I live a quiet life, own my own house, go to work, am ALWAYS there for my daughter, however she constantly tells me about a girl at school who lives in a 2bedroomed flat with her mother and 6 siblings. Wow she said one day "***** thinks shes pregnant and her mum says thats ok" although shes 13. Isnt her mum cool she said. Children think that the grass is greener on the other side. All you can do as a parent is give your opinion and reasons for your actions. Its up to your child wether they take notice or not. It is easy to judge people as if ***** was to be pregnant then yes i would proberbly give partial blame to her mum. If it was my daughter then I would proberbly think differently. Children are individuals just like adults and are capable of making desisions for themselves, good or bad.