I taught my two-year old stepson proper genitalia words because he would walk up to random women, point at their crotch and say "penis". (I don't know where he got that from.) It didn't matter where we were, the store, the park, my parents' house, anywhere.
One day I said to him "no, girls have vaginas", and since then, he has stopped. He doesn't walk up to women anymore and say that. I think it was because he would follow his mother, his step father, or his daddy into the bathroom (depending on whose house he was staying in) and see how they pee differently and didn't understand why. Now he does, so he has moved on.
However, his mother is having a big issue with it. She is fine with him using the proper word for male parts, but not for girls. The only reason she knew I taught him that is because I told her that I did.
Was I wrong to teach him that?
Should I have told her, or should I have kept it to myself?
2006-09-15 07:30:46 · 24 answers · asked by Bachman-ette 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
He does not walk around saying the V word, either. He did it a couple times at home, and then he stopped. I haven't heard it since.
2006-09-15 07:31:24 · update #1
You were every bit within your "boundaries" as a step parent to teach him the proper word! This woman probably has a problem with you simply due to the fact that you are now her ex-husband's wife (at least that's what I have to deal with here). There's no reason for you to have to "run things by" your stepson's mother. You guys are CO-PARENTS now (as much as I dislike that word, it applies here). This child will be parented by the 3 of you for the rest of his life. She needs to just deal.
2006-09-15 07:55:10 · answer #1 · answered by mamafence 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When in Rome do as the Romans do.
By say that I wanted to say this. When your stepson is in the home of you and your husband you and your husband have a right to decide what words or slang is appropriate for the child.
I am sure neither his father nor his mother would appreciate this child going around saying street slang for male and female genitalia. Its crude and rude, and not the words that one should hear coming from a child's mouth let alone an adult in the presence of a child.
If the proper word for one gender is okay why is the oether wrong?
I dont think you are wrong to have told her, she is after all the child's mother, if you keep small things from her as the child gets older she will wonder what bigger things you may keep from her.
Is she the childs custodial parent? Does the child live with her and the father get visitation?
To keep the communication lines open and show her that you arent a threat to her concerning her child, maybe you can call her or invite her over to talk about the rules for each home. Its very hard for a child that young when the rules are different at mommy's house than they are at daddy's house.
2006-09-15 14:40:54 · answer #2 · answered by Shalamar Rue 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely no mistake there. The experts actually suggest that the rest of us should do exactly the same.
Although my son learnt the proper words at an actually later stage I used to find it weird listening to him using funny names that are given to people's genitalias.
Anyyway his mum should rest reassured that you did the right thing and you have a perfectly reasonable explanation - this way he will sound like a scientist (a doctor or a biloogist the least) and not just some 2 year old kid making up funny names...
Better to do it earlier anyway - imagine a 9 year old discovering that "rose", "bush", "willy" or whatever actually has a "real" "proper" name?!
2006-09-15 14:51:03 · answer #3 · answered by pimlico33 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you and his mother get along normally? If not, she might just be looking for something to be mad at you about. You can't unteach him, so I wouldn't worry about it. My sister told me to teach my daughter the correct words (she made up her own, she calls says "sticky" instead of penis and "button" instead of vagina.)
You probably solved a big question in your stepson's head and that is going to be better for him in the long run. You are apparently a big part of his life and I think you have every right to teach him the correct words for body parts. At least you care enough about him to want to teach him.
2006-09-15 14:51:53 · answer #4 · answered by S. O. 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your wife has a complex. Children are curious and should be taught the truth in understandable chunks as they asked for it. Never lie or "invent" words. This is bound to embarrass him and confuse him later. He must trust you to teach him right, about caring, about sharing, about being polite and well-behaved. This includes manners and proper speech. Explain to your son that some people are uncomfortable hearing certain words, and some words hurts people's feeling. Then tell him that it is best not to use certain word with strangers or in public. He may almost be too young to understand OUR complexes about these...after all he has NONE right now. ALL he "complexes" (and prejudices for that matter) he will pick up for you two!!! SO think about that and make a decision as to how you wish your son to be brought up.
2006-09-15 14:44:05 · answer #5 · answered by schnikey 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I don't think it's wrong to have taught him the proper medical terms for the female genitalia. I think it's great that you appear the type to tell him when he's old enough about safe sex. I wish more parents were like yourself and would talk to their children so the can protect themselves from STD's that even ajax can't take off.
2006-09-15 14:39:39 · answer #6 · answered by Diana C 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
As a mother myself I STILL cant see the wrong you did. If he is your step-son then that means one of his parents trusted you to help raise the child(ren). She shouldnt say that it is ok for HER to teach him one side of something and not ok for you to teach him the other side unless it would hurt him in some way.
In my honest opinion I dont think it is the term you taught him she has issues with, I think it is that YOU taught it to him before SHE was able. She probably is still having trouble letting go of some of the control.
2006-09-15 16:28:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't see where it's wrong for a child to know what it's real name is. A vagina is a vagina. A penis is a penis. Had you taught him vulgar slang terms for the parts then that would be a problem.
I don't see the problem.
2006-09-15 15:31:58 · answer #8 · answered by Alison 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good for you for teaching him the proper language. As for boyfriend's mother tell her to get over herself. We live in a very different world today, children are exposed to a great deal.
At the age of two i question his need to know, however, in reading your explanation for teching, I say GOOD FOR YOU. Your boyfriend's mom seem to be a liittle uptight about her vagina. I would not be sharing too much with her anymore. Keep it to yourself or share with others who are more supportive of you
2006-09-15 14:50:01 · answer #9 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you did the right thing, you told him the truth and didnt make a big deal out of it, i wish i had done that the other day when my 3 yr old boy did the same, he said boys have willies and girls have holes (yuck) i didnt know what to say and missed the opportunity to put him straight. i think his mum might be a bit jealous of you as well. ive had this problem with my daughters stepmum, she tried to help out and bought sanitary towels for my daughter, without discussing it with me, but i would have like to have done this myself, so got all irate for no reason. it is hard for mums to share their kids with another woman, i think this is the issue and not the word vagina. you sound like a really nice stepmum.
2006-09-15 14:42:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋