Why do some people choose not to have children?

Question

My friend is in her 30's and has been married for years, she has never wanted children. She said she never had the mother desire and had enough nieces and nephews to have her kid "fix". And she is very happy with her life.

I don't think there is anything wrong with not having children, just like there is nothing wrong with wanting children. Its a personal decision.

Why do you think some people choose not to have children?

Did you choose not to have children, if so then why?

What are your thoughts?

Answer 1

Your friend does not want children because she is thinking outside the box. People want children because they are afraid of what others will think if they don’t have children. Those of us whom are CF (Child Free) call it “following the script”. Such people are not capable of thinking on their own.

CF is a growing part of society. It is catching on around the world. I have been CF my whole life. Trust me it has not been always easy. Back in the 80’s it was considered a “personality disorder” in the military.

Another thought: Very often people justify having children because they believe that God commands them to do so. Often that means that they will be outcast if they do not. Some philosophies and/or religions do not require followers to procreate. Buddhist are one example of such a philosophy.

As for myself and my girlfriend (I am 40, and she is 35) we chose not to have children because we don’t need that headache, and we are not required to have them. I have lots of friends whom have children whom are 18. Most of them would not have them if they could go back in time.

Answer 2

Well i don't THINK i want children. I just see children as such a responsibility. It's a life altering decision because your life will never bee the same after you've had a child. Once you have a child every decision you make is for that child they are affected by everything that you do. I don't want to have to alter my life I want to be able to do what I want when I want without having to take into consideration how it will affect this child I have. I guess you could also ask Why do people want children? There's really no good answer to wanting or not wanting its just a decision people make maybe it comes from a need to mother/father or not having the need to mother/father a child. Although I think it would completely alter my life on some days I do think how beautiful it would be to have this little thing that came from me and that seems nice too but maybe just not nice enough. I probably make no sense at all but whatever.

Answer 3

In my case I never found the right man and wasn't financially able to raise a child on my own. Now that I've turned 50, I consider the door closed. I could never keep up with a 2 year old.

I have nieces and a nephew, but I am not ruling out mentoring a child with a lot of promise. This is different than fostering or adopting because you send them home at the end of the day. I like that part.

Anyhow, if I find a child seriously interested in writing, I might mentor them. Birthing one no longer appeals to me.

Answer 4

I have a cousin who is going on 30 and has never had the desire to have children. She said it is because she's too selfish and wouldn't want to share her life with another person. I actually found that to be quite selfLESS, acknowledging that she wouldn't be a good mother and therefore chose not to have children. So few people realize that fact before they have kids and end up regretting it. It's kinda funny when you really take a look at the demographics of it. People higher up on the intelligence scale choose to have children less then others. Maybe they know something that we don't? :)

Answer 5

i'm 32 and have also decided to not have children. i do have a maternal instinct... i'm very protective of my nieces, nephews and their children. basically i really love kids... but i do not feel the urge to have one come out of my body... i do not feel the urge to be responsible for another life for 20 years... i do not feel the urge to give up things i enjoy and pursuits i wish to follow just to bring another life into this world... maternal instinct and the urge to reproduce are two very different things.

i do believe part of my decision is based on the fact that i come from a large family, 3 brothers, 3 sisters, and close to 30 nieces and nephews including their own children. therefore i really have no pressure to carry on the family name or give my parents grandchildren... there are plenty of them already! :)

i did become pregnant once by accident... at 4 weeks i had a miscarriage. i did have a period of mourning which i believe to be more of a hormonal thing than anything else... but my greatest emotion was relief that i would not have a baby... this may seem heartless and terrible to some but keep in mind i was never at any point considering ending the pregnancy early. i would have had the baby, but it would not have been my first choice.

i know there will always be those who do not understand my decision but like you said, it's very personal. i like my body the way it is, i like my life the way it is, i like my lifestyle the way it is, i'm more than satisfied and do not require or even want children to make me feel fulfilled or complete.

hope this helps.

Answer 6

I love kids, but when I see all the complications that come w/ pregnancy, it turns me off to the idea.. I was pregnant once, and lost it at 15 weeks.. It was hard, but what helped me get over it is that I wasn't ready the timing was way off... I also want to do a lot with my life. Having a baby is dificult because it takes a lot of your time, and kids require a lot of attention. Another reason why I probably wouldn't have kids is because there are so many children in this world that don't have parentsor a home, and I plan on adopting... I always saw myself adopting.

Answer 7

I worked with a girl who was a professional waitress it is what she loved to do! She also made bank everyday $300 and up a day. She neber wanted kids, in fact hated even waiting on them I think these people should NOT have kids It used to bother me because I am such a MOTHER! but, Now I get it more, I think some people find it a burden, and feel it would change them too much, and their lifestyle, I do think she was very selfish though her reasons were more about material things, and Messes, I just think they choose this for themselves thinking their lives will always be carefree and spur of the moment, and maybe so, I just get sad for them when I think about the future. Like no big family get togethers or grandchildren, or Christmases watching their kids open presents, I wounder what their lives will be like then, But its their choice and they will have to face that later not me, So more power to them, I on the other hand wanted a big family, lots of grand kids, and Holidays to remember! and I will have them!!! Whoo hooo

Answer 8

Because not everyone enjoys poopy diapers, sleepless nights, senseless questions for the 1,000x in an hour, and being puked on...lol!!

I think there is nothing wrong with deciding not to reproduce. I personally have 2, but we are fixed, because we have decided this is all we can handle financially and mentally.

I hate other people's kids. Some people get turned off to the notion of kids because they were raised in large families or they have seen how kids act these days first hand.

Answer 9

Many people are just self-aware enough to know that they are not the parenting type. Their lives are just the way they want it and don't feel that children will make it any better. Others make the choice for medical reasons. My best friend (who is married) loves children - she has many young cousins, her sister's two step-daughters, a niece on the way plus my two kids and she just loves them completely. She is the type to throw an egg decorating party at Easter for all the kids, bake cookies with them, grab crayons and color - but she does not want her own. She has severe migranes and feels that it would not be fair to a child to make them sit in a dark room in total silence for the hours to tick by as she waits for the pain to go away. So many have their own reasons for not wanting them and it is not fair that people criticize people for this (I understand that you are not with this question).

Answer 10

I had a hysterectomy at the age of 29. Even i f I hadn't had that operation, I would not have children. My husband had a bad childhood & did not want to have children for fear that he would treat them the same way his alcoholic father did him & his siblings. For some of us, NOT having children is the most selfless thing we can do. It is because we DO love children that we choose not to have any. I had a bad marriage before I met my husband. I am SO grateful that I didn't have children with him! I couldn't stand the thought of being connected to him for life through children! Not to mention what kind of a lousy life the children would have had!