My fiance's brother (let's call him Bill) has a child with a girl we all dislike. "Bill" says he doesn't even like her but he's doing what's best for the child by being nice to her (they don't live together, she says they are together, he says they aren't). I once had a friendship with her, but that turned ugly quick. We went to the oldest brothers wedding in Jan. and all she did the whole time was talk crap on the brides hair, makeup, dress, shoes, you name it she had negative things to say about it. Am I wrong for not wanting her at my wedding? I've told my fiance and his parents I don't want her there. But am I being "bridezilla"? We're just having 20-25 people at our Vegas wedding and a huge reception when we get home. The people in Vegas are literally our immediate families and 2 friends each.
If "Bill" wants to bring her because she will flip out if he doesn't what do I do? Do I have the right to say she can't come? HELP!!!
2006-09-15 05:17:15 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
The child will only be 2 by the time we get married so she won't know the difference either way. The babies mama and I have had it out many times, she'll try to be my friend but then uses me to get information because "Bill" has never been faithful to her or any other girlfriend he's had. Unfortunatly, I didn't see that she was using me and started a huge family drama by not knowing "Bill" wasn't being honest with her, she asked a simple question in passing and not realizing, I told her the truth and it start WWIII. She has bad mouthed me to my future in laws, and though we haven't spoken or seen each other in over a month, over the last 6 months her "Myspace" page has been devoted to ripping me a new one. She has no family or friends in our state so she attached on to my fiance's family. They "put up" with her because they don't want her to take the baby and leave. If she does come to the Vegas ceremony, they won't bring the child, they arent good parents and will find someone to sit.
2006-09-15 06:41:28 · update #1
It's your wedding and "Bill" should respect that. If you feel that bad, though, let "Bill" know you will have this girl at your reception but the wedding is limited to invited guests only. Be firm and ask you fiance to back you up. Don't let yourself be bullied into inviting people that will mar what shouold be a joyous day. Good luck.
2006-09-15 05:27:10 · answer #1 · answered by Shelley L 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course you have a right to say she can't come. Would you rather invite her and miss out on inviting someone you really want at your wedding to make room for her? You aren't being bridezilla...it sounds like this sort of negative person can ruin a sunny day.
I would simply tell her that the wedding is only 'intimate' family and you just don't have a spot for her.
If no one else in the family likes her, why are you worried? If you're going to offend someone, it might as well be someone you don't like.
Chuck the b i t c h and have a great wedding!
2006-09-15 06:01:03 · answer #2 · answered by Kitten 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they had been married, then divorced, would you invite her?
Maybe, if you had a working relationship with this woman.; It wouldn't make any difference, whether the brother & the woman were together.
But, you do not have a relationship with this person, so why would you want her to share in such a special day? The only other reason to invite her would to be the better person and try to keep family trouble to a minimum. But I would tell her, in front of a couple of witnesses, that the minute she opens her mouth, bad-mouths you, your fiance, the wedding or anything else, she will be asked to leave....immediately.
2006-09-15 05:59:24 · answer #3 · answered by weddrev 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't even think too much on this. She sounds like a B*tch....and it sounds like she and Bill have problems...but don't let it be your problem and don't say anything. It's like when a couple is fighting and on the verge of divorcing--you don't say how much you hated that spouse due to the fact that they might get back together. And being that there is a daughter--you are going to see this woman at many other family things. Assume Bill and she are a couple and he is bringing her. So, don't send her an invitation (hence you are not inviting her) and leave it up to Bill. They may be having problems---he might not want to bring her. Or things might be ok, and he will ask her to go. But, let it be their problem. If he invites her, then just suck it up. And IGNORE her. If she's as much of a pain as you say---people will know it. You will be beautiful on your day---don't let her little mind spoil your day. People like her can never be happy--and will always be jealous.
2006-09-15 05:55:03 · answer #4 · answered by crazymom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First talk to your fiancee and make sure you are both on the same page regarding "Bill's" friend (for lack of a better term)....
You and your fiance need to talk to "Bill" explain the situation making sure to elaborate regarding her behavior at the last wedding... Tell him you do not want a repeat preformance at your wedding and kindly ask him not to invite her along... "Bill" will not want to bring her knowing she will only embarrass him... Make it very clear to "Bill" that this is your's and your fiancees joint decision and tell him he is free to tell her that you two are the ones who have requested she not be invited... That will let "Bill" off the hook somewhat when /if she has a tandrum... Tell "Bill" he can even elaborate as to why she will not be invited (preformance at last wedding)...
Make sure to tell your future In-Laws about your decision and talk with "Bill" she may try to cause waves there so tell your In-Laws your decision is final you are asking that she not be invited and are not sending her an invitation....
"Bill" may still decide to bring her along and if that is the case assign a family member or close friend to her. Do not confront "Bill" or her just assign the babysitter (so to speak) and she is then thier problem.. ... If she begins a repeat preformance have her escorted quickly and with as little fuss as possible off the premises... Be sure to give the person you will be assigning to her a heads up so they know beforehand if she shows up they are on duty..
Hopefully she will get the clue and realize her behavior will not be tolerated..
That covers the reception, if "Bill" invites her to vegas most wedding chapels there are equiped to deal with an unruly guest quickly efficiently and summarily.. Be sure to tell the chapel of your concerns should she be going so they are on the ready to wisk her away if need be...
Remember an unruly guest is not the end of the world and her badmouthing and antisocial behavior is not something you caused...
2006-09-15 06:28:46 · answer #5 · answered by Diane (PFLAG) 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have the right to say who can and can't come BUT you do need to keep it in reason. If you give Bill an option to bring a date he could bring anyone he wants. I'm assuming that Bill wants to bring her to Vegas-you could explain to Bill that since they aren't together that you don't want her to be in Vegas since the Vegas wedding is just for family and she is not your sister-in-law. However, I would definately invite her to the huge reception if only to help make the child feel comfortable.
2006-09-15 06:08:27 · answer #6 · answered by newjerseygirl 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well it's your fiance's brother. You can't tell him not to come. That would be a bad start to a marraige. Proper etiquette calls for him to invite a date. If he brings her than just know that she brings ugly to herself. She has a nasty attitude and that's her problem. If she's trying to keep him, I don't think that she's stupid enough to do something to ruin the wedding. If she says something that bothers you that's because that's her goal. You can't let it bother you, especially on your wedding day. Just because she states a negative opinion doesn't mean she's right. Use the golden rule-kill her with kindness. I really don't think you have anything to worry about. You should be concentrating on your future husband, not your future husband's brother's baby's mama!
2006-09-15 05:42:07 · answer #7 · answered by Kingdom_Queen 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have a right to who comes to your wedding after all its about you, its your day. You shouldnt have to put up with someone who has nothing to say but negative comments who will in a way place a sense of bad luck on your day.
Send an invitation to "Bill", but put in the stipulation that it is a family ONLY wedding, you have the right to ask that the people you invite DO NOT BRING Guests. Its rude for them to assume that people you have not invited are welcome at your wedding affair.
Be plain but nice. Explain that you are having a family only wedding.
2006-09-15 05:25:39 · answer #8 · answered by Shalamar Rue 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The only situtations in which you WOULD have to invite this woman is: if she and Bill are still a couple (because it is rude to invite "half a couple") or if you put her child in the wedding party (because you must invite those children's parents). Otherwise, you are indeed free and clear of this person.
Other than that, Bill cannot randomly add her to your guest list because people are invited to weddings BY NAME ONLY (never use "and Guest"-- it is not proper).
2006-09-15 10:18:34 · answer #9 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You and your fiance makes the final decision on who's coming and who's not. If he says he want her to come, explain to her the circumstances and hopefully he will listen to you. It is your big day and it should be as memorable as possible. If you have a guest whom you dont really like it may affect you one way or the other. Be happy. No matter if she is partly family, it is your wedding. Forget about what other people will say. You and your fiance call the shot. Congratulations and goodluck!
2006-09-15 05:24:06 · answer #10 · answered by spam 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋