I've been seeing this girl who lives kinda far, casually for a few years. This girl is moving closer to me for a new job. She's really fun and outgoing, and very opinionated. She's already told me that if a boyfriend ever told her she couldn't talk to an ex or a guy friend, that she would break up with him. I've had some jealousy issues in the past with girlfriends. I just don't like the idea of my girlfriend talking and being friendly with someone she used to be involved with. In my opinion, If ex's are still talking to one another, then one of them still likes the other, or maybe both of them. Anyways, guess my question would be, do I tell her I wont date her after all this time unless she stops talking with her 2 ex-boyfriends, or do I try to let it go and trust her?
2006-09-15 04:50:05 · 33 answers · asked by Smirx 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It depends on her intentions, and whether or not you feel you can trust her. If she is making you aware of her contact with her ex-boyfriends simply because she feels she needs to be open and honest - then that says something about her good character. If she is telling you about it to fuel some sort of jealous streak in you, then she isn't the type of person you want to be dating - she is just playing games. It is entirely possible for people that were previously involved to continue a platonic relationship - for example, ex-spouses who may stay in contact for the sake of children. Not all former relationships end nasty.
Perhaps a heart to heart conversation - without accusing - may tell you exactly where her intentions might be. Explain the reasons behind your feelings, and express your willingness to work through them. If she acts defensive, blows you off, or shows understanding - then I guess you will have your answer.
2006-09-15 05:01:13 · answer #1 · answered by oscarschic 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It is entirely inappropriate for him to continue to speak along with his ex girlfriend. To start with you are being approach too difficult on your self. You stated you simply started institution, that is surprise full and you should utilize your emotions of inadequacy to propel you and motivate you to be the best you could be in anything it's you take in university. You make up to your intellect that you're going to be a winner and make the great grades that you can very likely make and you make anything of your self. You are so younger and simply opening out so be kinder to your self than that. Now as far as what the boyfriend is doing. Don't give him an ultimatum, that certainly not works. Go about it in a shrewd manner. Tell him that you simply consider it nice for now that perhaps you will have to each date other men and women for awhile. Inform him that you just suppose that perhaps he is not definite what he wishes because he maintains contact with the ex and that you want to provide him the liberty to be absolutely sure about what he wishes and that you also have got to do some eager about what you need and what you want in a relationship. I know this can be a very rough thing to do and painfull and dicy but seem at it this fashion, for those who take the route of giving him an ultimatem you are going to probable unfastened for definite, then the person feels managed. You need to make him consider and consider what it would truly think like if he was to lose you, then you're going to comprehend for sure if he is relatively into you or no longer.
2016-08-09 14:28:41 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude, Let it go and trust her. it's the only way you're going to earn her trust. Everyone gives a certain amount of trust to start, the rest must be earned. if you break that trust then it's really hard to get more. So you should trust her to keep her word since she's never done anything to make you not trust her.
I'm friends with all my Ex-GF's even if I don't much talk to most of them. My girl was a little worried about that initially, but she knows I'm not going to do anything with them. nor do I wish she was any of them. It's the same way, I've never done anything to show my girl I can't behave.
Jealousy, it's a bad thing. You don't own your girl. she doesn't own you. You dwell on this she's going to find someone else who'll let her be herself and trust her not to hurt them. If you don't think she's worth it, then you might prepare for a lonely life, because everyone's got ex's....
2006-09-15 05:00:42 · answer #3 · answered by jeepguy_usa 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Of course it's not wrong for you to feel that way. Feelings are feelings and they're not right or wrong. She's made it pretty clear to you that she's going to continue to talk to her exes and male friends, though, so you need to make a decision. Either don't date her, or date her and resolve not to interfere with her decision to continue communicating with the exes and guy friends. She put it right out there on the table for you, and the ball is in your court. It sounds like dating her would be very difficult for you, and you need to be honest with yourself about whether or not you'll be able to control your jealousy.
As an aside - I continue to communicate with my ex husband through email a couple of times a week, I spend time with him maybe once a year, and I intend to have dinner with him and my son when he comes back from Afghanistan on leave. My husband has known, since we started dating, that I absolutely intend to maintain a friendship with my ex. I have made it clear to him that I was the one who filed for divorce and I did it because I have absolutely no intention of ever having a romantic relationship with the ex again. He trusts me and knows that trying to prevent me from doing what I want will hurt the relationship, so he's not going to do anything to prevent it. I told him the truth from day one, so he knows I'll tell him the truth about exactly what's going on at all times.
I appreciate my husband being so sensible, and it makes me feel closer to him. I have a lot of respect for him for being able to control any jealousy he might be feeling, and that makes me love him even more.
2006-09-15 05:05:28 · answer #4 · answered by farmgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to trust her. I have a boyfriend that I love a lot and my ex is my best friend, I don't even call him "my ex", and I have no "feelings" for him whatsoever. I dated him for 6 years, we can talk about anything and everything, and 6 years is a long time of knowing someone. We all know that it's hard to find someone to trust, so give her a chance, it could be a situation like mine.
2006-09-15 04:58:05 · answer #5 · answered by Goodbye 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Try and trust her, if you think she's worth it. My ex was the same way and told me that anyone that wanted him to stop talking to a friend, isn't worthy of being his friend. He considers his ex's friends... he's friends with all of us. Ex's can be friends and nothing more. You just have to trust that she won't get involved with him beyond that. If you can't trust her and have reason to think she'd be fooling around with the ex, then just keep looking for another girl. There are a LOT of people that think exactly like you on this issue.
2006-09-15 04:55:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's one thing to keep in touch with an ex....llike call them and say what's up...maybe once every 2 months or something like that. even better in situations where others are involved and it's like a party where you bump into each other, you know... it's ANOTHER thing if the ex is acting like a "best friend" type that she keeps going to for advice and the such. are they talking to e/o regularly? or are they just on friendly terms with each other? you need to assess that. afterwards, you need to ask yourself if you can handle it, and if you trust her. are you being invited to tag along witht them every now and again when they hang out? or are they like alone with each other? if the latter...i'd be suspicious and go for a chick that knows when to let go.
2006-09-15 05:02:30 · answer #7 · answered by Snki55ed Princess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You let her go and trust her. I being a girl have some guy friends, in high school I didnt get along with girls so guys were all the friends I had and I am now married and still friends with them. I also dated a guy in high school for 3 1/2 and him and I are now friends and my husband is totally cool with all of it. The only way I would be worried is if she lies to you or does not want you to meet any of them.
2006-09-15 04:54:53 · answer #8 · answered by Day500 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would just ask her, if you could be around when she talks with her ex-s... If she says "No", then I think its time for you to find another girlfriend... because, this only means, she could very well be doing all of you!! And you dont want a girl like that!! But, on the other hand, I wasn't allowed to even so much as look at another guy, without being accused of "Eye-F____ing him!! According to my Ex-husband!! So, when ever a man, talked to me, I had to put my head down... and be as "Unfriendly" as I possibly could.. Please dont be like that with her!!! And by the way, my ex, screwed-up my head so bad, with all his Obsessiveness, that I dont even want to date, anymore!!! How sad is that!!! So there's a "Fine-line" between jealous & obsessed !!! And women lose theirselves, with Obsessed men!! Just be careful not to be over-board "Jealous!!" And ask your g.f., if she wouldn't mind you keeping in "Contact" with your Exs! And see how she feels about that!! Or, just start sparking-up, conversations with women, when your out with her, too!! Two, can play that "Game"!!! Good-Luck, to you!!!
2006-09-15 05:00:21 · answer #9 · answered by Hmg♥Brd 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let it go, people can break up with one another and still be friends....and that is probably what is going on. You need to trust and respect her choices for friends. If you spoke to one of your ex girlfriends, would you want her telling you that you couldn't. Trust goes both ways.
2006-09-15 04:53:45 · answer #10 · answered by nursingsec8066 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋