why is it so hard for a women to leave a guy who's abusive?

Question

sometimes it amazes me how some women stick by guys who embarrass them in public. what's the deal with that?!

Answer 1

because she's too blinded and stupid in love with this guy that she'd rather have herself hurt and embarrassed than make him leave her.
it is also possible that the guy's too big (physically speaking) for her that she's afraid if she'd only get beaten up if she even try to stick it up with him.

Answer 2

you need to think hard about this. I have hear many people say I would never let that happen or I would leave him if he ever tried that to me. As I used to think as well. However, when someone put a gun to my head and told me if I ever leave he will kill me. I felt stuck, lost and not sure how to handle. It took some time, but I got away. But there were many bumps and bruises along the way. I was in such a state of distress I was afraid any thing I did, said, wore or how I may act when out somewhere. But, until I found an outlet for help in abusive relationships I didn't leave. The thought of someone hunting you down to kill you is very scary. I would rather be alive and unhappy then DEAD. You think about the decision you would make if you were every TRULY faced with the decision. Once I left I had to be in hiding, take leave from my job, sold me house because I would not be able to go back there. Didn't visit friends and family for fear of being located. It wasn't fun. Please think again and don't be insensitive to others unless you know the entire story

Answer 3

I've been there. It is up to the woman when she's had enough. Maybe she was raised that way. Does her mother allow her spouse to abuse her? Or did her mother not do anything about her being abused as a child? Or was her mother abusing her. There's all sorts of scenarios it could be. If your parents don't allw you to be abused in any form as a child, you won't put up with it as an adult. But like my mother, if your mother does nothing when someone is abusing you as a child, you tend to attract that sort of man when you're an adult, because that is all you know. You think that this is the best you can do when it comes to men. I went through a series of abusive men, until I had my first child. Having her opened my eyes. I didn't want her to be around the abuse. I left him, and got a job and took care of the us on my own. I am now married again for 13 years to a great man. My counselor said since I changed my life by leaving him, I also,change the direction of my life and attracted a nicer type of guy. I believe if a guy sincerely loves his mother and the mother is really nice, he will treat women good. My abusers all hated their moms for some reason or another.

Answer 4

It's not just about being embarrassed in public, Friend. It goes MUCH deeper than that.

Women in abusive situations (whether physical, mental, or emotional), have alot of issues with self worth. They don't see themselves as good enough for anything better. They convince themselves that if they left, they would be alone, and that scares them more than the abuse itself.

Another important factor is the man himself. Some men are very manipulative, and from the moment they meet the right gal, spend their time convincing them that they HAVE to depend on him. They cut the woman off from family and friends.......they control finances.........they even control how a woman dresses or acts. It's a subtle thing, surely, but it's very effective in removing a woman's defenses. By the time she realizes what is happening, he has her completely under control.

At this point, she believes him when he says she's not good enough, not pretty enough, won't have the money to care for herself (and usually whatever children they have), and that the only way she will be able to live is with him. It's horrifying, but it occurs only to often, and once a woman reaches this point, it's virtually impossible for them to break away.

Some women manage it. I did......after 15 brutal years of abuse (which consisted of all 3 types of typical abuse, but much more physical). It was the HARDEST thing I've ever done, and cost me my children (they died in a wreck......that's what prompted me to leave......long story). I wish I could explain the feelings that accompany abuse, but it's impossible, too.

Just know that some of us survive.......some of us do escape.......and for those who can't, my heart is with them.

Answer 5

Most of the time it's fright because these cowards for men usually threaten to kill them and other stuff. Besides that some women have very little self-esteem and they think that no one else will ever love them. Another reason is that some women insists that the man will change. Try changing an apple to grapes and see if you will ever succeed.

Answer 6

Shane, there are alot of reasons they do for one they dont think they desever any better, others because they have kids, another is they have no other place to go and then there those whom are codependent on them and all will make excuses for the man and hide the facts, others feel threaten an are afraid of their men because they have been told if you leave me I will kill you family.
No you might think i am kidding but there are a lot of reasons. believe me.
But until they are ready to leave they will stay with them even if they have to hang on with their life dangeling in from of them, you cant make them leave these guys.
But you need to try to understand and listen to the stories before judging them why.

Answer 7

They dont know any better. They hold on to the good times that they have together, not the bad times. It's just called being neieve and they think they can change the guy, into something that isn't abusive.

Answer 8

- scared
- he controls all the finances - she can't afford to leave
- children - what will he do to them if he finds them
- "he will change" - women have a tendency to want to change guys - it cant be done
- "its my fault" - self esteam is non-existant they don't see themselves as worthy
- "he didn't mean it" - he was drunk he only does that when he's drunk (rationalizing)

Most the time the women have come from a home that had an abusive relationship in it and they are pattering their lives after their homelife.

Answer 9

Fear, low self-esteem, denial, or.... some even LIKE to be dominated and pushed around. It's sick, I know - but some women, as smart as they may be, make the dumbest - most self-destructive decisions when it comes to the men they date. If you are looking for an easy answer - there isn't one.

Answer 10

Some are afraid of being beaten,some have been brainwashed into thinking no one else will have them,Some don't have the money to leave or live on their own without them,some are afraid of being stalked and killed.