What's your best joke?

Question

Here's mine:

Father Francis cam from a small town and was new to the big city. One day, he was beginning to get tired while sitting at his desk, so he decided to take a walk. He found himself downtown watching how people live in the big city. He say a woman with a very shor skirt and barely a shirt. He went up to here and asked, "Why are you dressed this way?"

The woman looked at him and said, "You want a quicky? Five bucks."

Father Fransic had no idea what she was talking about, but he was sure that he didn't want what ever a "quicky" was. He returned back to his work and as he was walking back to his office, he saw Sister Mary Katherine. "Sister Mary Katherine, what is a quicky?" By the surprised look on her face, he could tell it was something that normally wasn't spoken of in a church, so he urged, "No, please. Between me and you. Please tell me?"

Sister Mary Katherine looked at him, took a deap breath and said, "Five bucks, same as downtown."

Answer 1

Youngest Son: Tell me Daddy, what is the difference between potentially" and " in reality" Dad: I wil show you Dad turns to his wife and asks her: Would you sleep with Robert Redford for 1 million dollars?
Wife: Yes of course! I would never waste such an opportunity!


Then Dad asks his daughter if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for 1 million dollars?

Daughter: Waow! Yes! This is my fantasy!

So Dad turns to his elder son and asks him: Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for 1 million dollars?

Elder Son: Yeah! Why not? Imagine what I could do with 1 million dollars! I would never hesitate!

So the father turns back to his younger son saying: You see son,

"potentially" we are sitting on 3 million dollars, but "in reality" we are living with 2 bitches and 1 gay!

Answer 2

There was an elderly man who slowly walked up to the White House, where there was a young Marine guard. The old man says to the guard, "I have traveled quite aways and I wish to see Bill Clinton." The guard looks at the old man and says, "Sir, I'm sorry, but Bill Clinton is not here any longer, there is now a different president." The old man says, "Oh I see," then leaves.

The very next morning the same guard was standing there, and who do you think returns, slowly approaching again? Sure enough it was the old man, and the guard figured he had a different question, but again he says, "I would like to see Bill Clinton." The guard patiently tells the man again, "Sir, as I indicated yesterday, Mr. Clinton no longer resides at this office." The old man nods, and then strolls away.

Day three: Same scenario - the guard is standing there and along comes the old man, who again insists, "I want to see Bill Clinton." The guard, becoming somewhat frustrated looks at the man and tells him, "Sir, this is the third day you have come here asking for Bill Clinton, even though I have made it perfectly clear he doesn't live at the White House any longer. What else can I do to convince you, don't you understand, sir?"

The old man looks at the guard straight in the eye and says, "As I told you, I have traveled quite a distance. You have told me that Bill Clinton does not live here any longer. Yes, young man, I do understand it, but you see...I JUST LOVE HEARING IT!”

The young Marine smiles warmly and says in agreement, "Sir...I'll look forward to seeing you again tomorrow!"

Answer 3

Lots of men began coming to the church for cofession.Same story they had been with the new woman in town "monkey green".The priest told them all say three hail marys and ask for forgiveness and don't do it again.
That sunday a beautiful blonde woman walked in the church with a mini-skirt.She then sat on the front pew and crossed her legs and had no underwear on.
The priest leaned over and very quietly asked the alter boy next to him.Is that monkey green?The alter boy looked and looked again and replied"No father that's just the way the light is shining on it".

Answer 4

This guy Luigi is going on a date on saturday and he needs a new pair of ddancing shoes.
So he goes to the shoe store and is approzched by the salesman.
Luigi says I ama lookin fora newa paira shoes, I ama goinga dancin and I wanna danca like a fred astaire.
So the salesman shows him a brand new pair of patent leather shoes and says these will make you dance like fred astaire.
Luigi says I'll take em.
So saturday night comes and luigi puts on his three peice suit and his brand new patent leathers on and goes to the club.
Luigi sees a beautiful girl with a short skirt on and asks her to dance and she does.
After a minute of dancing luigi looks down at his new shoes and asks the girl.
I bet you Luigi can tell what color panties you are wearing.
She says ok what.
He says pink with white lace.
She says wow how did you know that and he says Luigi knows everything.
Second girl with a skirt dancing and Luigi asks her to dance she says ok.
Again luigi looks at his shoes and says I bet luigi can guess what color panties your wearing and she say ok what color?
Luigi says black with purple stripes.
She say how do you know that and he says Luigi knows everything.
3rd girl short skirt dancing with luigi
He looks at 1 shoe then the other and says
can luigi ask you a question- she says yes,
Are you wearing a panties??
She says no!
Luigi with a sigh of relief says Whew!? I thought I had a crack in my shoes!

Answer 5

Tat nice.
Heres my


Once Upon a Time Little Red Riding Hood...

Once upon a time Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the forest to her grandmother's house. She was carrying a basket full of wonderful goodies for her and her grandmother to eat...
she also had a big gun to protect herself in the woods.

One day Little Red Riding Hood came upon a Fox. The fox looked at Little Red and says "Little Red Riding hood, what are you doing walking in the forest by yourself. You know if the wolf catches you he will rip your clothes off and fondle your titties."

Little Red sighs and smiles at the fox and slowly opens her basket and shows the fox her gun and says "No he won't, see I have a gun to protect myself." She smiles and skips away from the fox to her grandmother's house.

Little red gets deep within the forest when she comes upon a bear who wanders up to her and smells the yummy food in the basket then thinks to himself for a second and says, "What are you, stupid, Little Red? You know if the Wolf catches you alone in the forest he's going to rip your clothes off and fondle your titties."

Little Red shows the bear the big gun in her basket and smiles, "No he won't I have a big gun in my basket ...." She pulls out the gun "See, nothing can harm me." Little Red smiles and skips to grandmother's house.

Little red finally makes it to grandmother's house...and knocks on the door...no one answers so she goes right in. She walks to the bed, sees the Wolf and screams as the Wolf yells, "Little Red Riding Hood, I am going to rip your clothes off and fondle your titties!"

The wolf reaches out to her and Little Red smiles and pulls out her gun and yells, "No you're not! You are going to EAT ME, JUST LIKE THE BOOKS SAYS!"

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A Fishy Story


Two avid fishermen go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune.

The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.

As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?"

The other guy says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"

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Golfing With Wife


A lovely afternoon finds one fellow and his wife golfing. They have had a wonderful time and the man has had a near perfect game. The final hole, by far the most difficult, wraps around an old barn. With a terrible slice the man puts the barn between his ball and the green. Knowing that the strokes that it will take to get around the barn will destroy his score, he begins to rant and rave. His wife hating to see him ruin such a great afternoon makes a suggestion.

"What if I were to hold open the barn doors? That way you could send it right through the barn onto the green."

He thinks this over and decides that it will work. With his wife holding open the barn door he lines up with the hole and gives the ball a terrific "whack"! The ball shoots through the air and right into the head of his wife, killing her instantly.

Months go by, the man mourning all the while. His friends, hating to see him in such a state, convince him to go golfing with them. They end up at the same course and on the final hole, oddly enough, another terrible slice puts the old barn between his ball and the green. Again he begins to rant and rave at what this dilemma will do to his score. He friend, wanting to please him, makes a suggestion.

"What if I were to hold open the barn doors? That way you could send it right through the barn onto the green."

"No," the man replies, "last time I did that I got two over par."

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Don't Lie to Mom


John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate, and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you did take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you did not take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you do sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you do not sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom."

Lesson of the day... Don't Lie To Your Mother

Answer 6

My sardar neighbor was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.When i enquired why he was doing so.he answered that he was trying to know how he looked while sleeping.

Answer 7

hey did you the hear about the latest celebrity break up??
yeah Mickey and Minnie are calling it quits!!! Apparently she is fu**ing goofy!!!!!

Answer 8

here's one i stole...

SUSIE LEE DONE FELL IN LOVE;
SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE.
SHE WAS SO HAPPY 'BOUT IT ALL
SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO.
PAPPY TOLD HER, SUSIE GAL,
YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER.
I'D JUST AS SOON YO' MA DON'T KNOW,
BUT JOE IS YO' HALF BROTHER.
SO SUSIE PUT ASIDE HER JOE
AND PLANNED TO MARRY WILL,
BUT AFTER TELLING PAPPY THIS,
HE SAID, THERE'S TROUBLE STILL.
YOU CAN'T MARRY WILL, MY GAL,
AND PLEASE DON'T TELL YOU' MOTHER,
BUT WILL AND JOE, AND SEVERAL MO'
I KNOW IS YO' HALF BROTHER.
BUT MAMA KNEW AND SAID, MY CHILD,
JUST DO WHAT MAKES YO' HAPPY
MARRY WILL OR MARRY JOE.
YOU AIN'T NO KIN TO PAPPY.

Answer 9

This is one I heard long ago.

Hump me, dump me.

Answer 10

2pt
pretty funny to me