how can I get my 4 year old to sleep in his own room without throwing fits?

Question

my 4 year old son won't sleep in his own room...when I do go put him down he throws huge fits...he screams he cries..he hit's himself...I normally stay in there with him until he falls asleep....but when he does go to sleep he is up and in my bed about an hour later...he won't sleep in his room and I don't know how to make him stay in there..

Answer 1

Hi,
Alone is a pretty lonely place. By the time you get to be a parent, we have a lot of knowledge. It must be pretty over whelming to open ones eyes in the night, even with a night light, and be re-thinking the days events. Somewhere in his mind, he can't find that comfort zone that he has with you. I was a single parent twice, my first child, from the age of 17 months, and my second child, I was away from his father forever. We spent time with him once in 25 years, and he is a wonderful man, just stuck on the other side of the Planet.
It is important to fill their little minds with a lot of re-enforcement. They need to have a strong visual concept of themselves. Perhaps your son needs a role model to follow. When my son was slightly younger than yours, he loved Superman.

Would Superman need to leave his own warm bed? Your boy needs to learn to be on his own, little by little. He needs to know a better way to negotiate with you, besides letting his emotions get out of control.

My son, and my daughter both slept with me past your sons age, and we never had a problem. If you are single, and enjoy the company of a man, then you should arrange for your son to spend the night elsewhere.

Have you tried a live pet, or something that keeps him from feeling so alone when he wakes up, childrens recordings etc. I am awake off and on all night, I get tired of it, so I listen to the radio, and fall back asleep. You cant force him to be in his own bed. He has reasons. It's pretty cozy and safe with you. If you are worried about him sleeping with you because of someone else pressuring you, then, you need to make the decision that will benefit your son, not the other person.

Something is going on in his mind, that keeps him from feeling o.k. with himself. I think that if you are having such a difficult time with it, I would borrow a big lovable dog from a friend, and have it sleep on your sons bed. Tell your son that if he goes to the room with the dog to sleep, then he has to tell the dog stories til it falls asleep etc. You can just figure out all kinds of deals that fit the situation. I think children need continuity, and trust, boundaries, and a world of imagination to fall back on.

If anyone tells you to let him cry it out, tell them to take a hike. Be creative, and, don't let him manipulate you with tantrums. Try to get him to view it from your point. However, I think that children have too much freedom in the thinking for themselves arena, and they must just get overwhelmed.

Don't forget who is the parent, but love him, love him, and then, love him some more. He will not be trying to get in your bed if your side has spikes in it or something. (just kidding). Maybe he's just a big love-bug. Don't over think the issue. It will be resolved in a simple way. Just don't even think of mild violence such as spanking please. The brain is smarter than the pain.

Answer 2

As a father of two, having been through this, let me help.

The first thing to remember is that there is no equality among parents and children. You are the one who decided what and where, etc. Also keep in mind that this will be hard the first two or three nights. That's really not too bad, though, considering it's hard every night anyway.

Talk to your son and tell him that the time has come for him to sleep in his own room, in his own bed. Just be kind in your words, but be firm. When it comes time for bed, no matter what happens, you have to make him get in his bed. Offer to read him a bedtime story. After that, no matter how upset he gets, how much he cries or screams, you have to leave him in his bed and leave the room.

Now, chances are he will get up and come to your room. If he does, take him right back to his bed. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES NEGOTIATE OR BRIBE HIM IN ANY WAY. NO COOKIES, MILK, WATER, OR ANYTHING!!! This is very important. Tell him you love him, and make him go back to his bed. Do not have any other conversation with him no matter how much he yells, cries, wines, etc. You have to set a precidence that bed time is bed time. Period. If he continues to get up, you continue to take him back to bed, and leave the room. Stick to your guns no matter what!

You may think this sounds harsh, or mean, or cruel. Believe me, it's not. It's the best thing for both of you. If you don't do it now, he will be in your bed until he's 8. If you can get through the first couple of nights, you will get down on your knees and thank God when he finally goes to sleep in his own room, and you have peace again!

Good luck!

Answer 3

My son is 3 and will not sleep all night in his own room. I know you need to be consistant. Make him stay in there no matter how long he throws a fit. Just go in there try to calm him and leave. Tell him its bed time, hes a big boy, he can sleep in his own room. The first week or so will be really hard because he will fight it, but adventually it will get better. I know easier said than done. I cant stand to have my little boy crying for a long time. I always give in, but you cant if you want him to sleep in his own room. good luck

Answer 4

First and foremost you have to be consistent. Children need structure. So set up a routine to do with your child every night. Read a story, brush teeth, take a bath, what ever it is that you would do do it to a schedule. For example, tell your child its 7:30 time to start getting ready for bed then help him through the steps. Let him be a big boy and do as much of it unassisted as possible so he will be proud of himself. Then after all is done put him in bed say goodnight and leave the room. If he gets up tell him he needs to sleep in his bed and goodnight and put him back in his bed. Don't talk to him again because if you do he can talk you out of your decision. Every time he gets out of bed consistently put him back. It will be a fight the first few times. And it will probably get worse before it gets better. But your the grown up remember that in a couple of days he will realize that you mean business and that you will do what you say your going to do and he will stay in bed. Remember someone is going to be in control. Its your choice if its you or your child. Good luck I will pray for you!

Answer 5

We had this problem with our son until about a month ago. we started by playing the no monster game which is were we gave him a flashlight all his own and he showed us all the scary places in his room and then my husband did a silly dance to scare away the scaries. That didn't work so we got a 25 watt light bulb for his room and told him that when he was ready to sleep to turn off the light himself, but that he had to stay in bed unless it was to turn off the light, he started out talking to his animals because he didn't want to go to bed and would eventually fall asleep. Now we play how long can he lay and be quiet, he sleep with the light on most night because he falls asleep before he turns it off, but he's in his own bed and we have ours back, and considering my 4 yr old is almost 4ft tall and weighs 65 lbs, we are very happy to have our room back.

Answer 6

At opportune moments during the day, ask him if he wants to be a big boy. Then state that big boys can sleep alone and leave the rest up to him. Alternatively, you could try this method: Don't actively discourage him (eg. No! Go to your own room). Rather, point out the benefits of his room and the bad points of your own. Perhaps there is an underlying problem- a fear of being alone, or darkness. Look into that.

Answer 7

At 4 its tough. My friends son wont sleep in his bed but prefers to sleep on the couch. If he does fall asleep in his bed he ends up on the couch by morning. If its really a problem, maybe consider locking your bedroom door and having a baby monitor. Otherwise maybe sit down and talk to him about this and find out why he is so adamant about sleeping in your bed. Is he scared of the dark? get a night light. Is he afraid of monsters under the bed? get under the bed storage totes and fill them with out of season clothes so that thers no room for monsters.

Answer 8

You know kids only act that bad when the parent allows it.

Try to make bed time a play time something he will enjoy.

One child, I had put viynl stickers on the wall..6 fish, 6 dogs, 6 cats, 6 birds and so on and I would mix them all up. Sorta of a where's waldo game. Dimmed the lights and gave them a flashlight. They had to use the flash light to find all six of each one. After a while they get tired and just pass out.

Another, perfers a sound machne of rainforest

And the other, like walkie talkies. I would have one and they have one in their room. And we would tell stories to each other from across the house. They usually get tired and pass out.

Answer 9

maybe you should try making it into a game. Start out with telling him you're going to play a super hero. Ask him who his favorite hero is and then play like he's his hero side kick, and that he have to stay in his bed to guard his hero's hideout. You can also play like you're staying with him, but you need to go out of the room in intervals to check out the grounds. If your son has a big stuffed animal you can play like that's his partner , so he might fall to sleep and not wake up in an hour because he will have the stuffed animal beside him and that should make him feel secure
yonoust

Answer 10

Oh man, I have been there! What I did was get in to a strong night time routine. At 8:00 take a bath, 8:30 brush he teeth, get in to bed by 9:00 and I would read a story to him. I had a night light in his room also. Then when I left the room he usually got up and came right to me. I would put him back in his room and he would get up again. Sometimes tanturms would insue and sometimes it was just a bunch of getting up and coming to me and me taking him back to bed. I got my exercise! Eventually, it did pass. He figured out that I wasn't going to cave in.

It was a battle of who could had the most energy. There were times I thought he was going to lose, but in the end I did prevail.

Good Luck and Take Care.