I was tricked by a closet gay man! At first, I fell for him not knowing he liked men more! That's why when we became close he wouldn't take it to another level. When I discovered it., I felt betrayed. I must admit there was a lot of effort, and time wasted. But he did spend a lot of time with me. But all the time I was the one who pampered him. Accidentally, i met his boyfriend, at his house, while waiting for him. He did get upset and one of his family members told me the truth..
2006-09-15 03:27:55 · 26 answers · asked by OnionSkin 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Did you ever see Clueless? I don't know but that must have been how it was.
2006-09-15 03:29:20 · answer #1 · answered by drunken monkey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once I was tricked by a man that turned out not to be gay.
We worked together, and I could have SWORN he was gay. His name was Martin (pronounced Marteen) for goodness sakes! He asked me out to lunch (should have been the first clue) and I thought I would go with him just as friends. So it turned out that the next day when I went to work, he had told everyone that I was going out on dates with him and that we were an item. I said "Wait a minute...You mean he's NOT gay??!". I quit soon after that.
For your problem - I would say that if he wasn't fully truthful with you it was probably because he is still partially "in the closet". He probably wanted you as a friend, and not a girlfriend. If you can get over the hurt of him doing this to you, then you could have a great friendship.
Hope that helps!
2006-09-15 03:31:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
so sorry you had that experience - been there, done that. Perhaps he was attracted to you & wanted the things you did together & for each other, but without the physical aspect of a traditional relationship. once you get over the hurt & betrayal, see if ya'll can be friends; I did manage that & now he's one of my very dearest friends. We did have a physical relationship & the typical boyfriend/girlfriend type of stuff - there were no outward signs that he was gay, nor was there any indicator to me that he was just experimenting, trying to decide what he wanted out of love & life. don't let anyone tell you that you should have known - because that's just not always true.
2006-09-15 03:32:25 · answer #3 · answered by pumpkin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, thats pretty wierd. Personally I'd be in the same shoes as you. Even more awkward, did you have sex with him? He could just be Bi, because most people don't understand the difference. He shouldnt have had a bf at the same time as kinda sorta dating you. He probably wasnt comfortabe with telling you. Think about this. Usually when a straight person has a bf, or gf, we tell a person we have a special someone, right? And, when you don't, your probably a player. He was most liekly a gay/bi player. Fun to know, now, huh?
2006-09-15 03:33:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't understand why this guy was with you in the first place. Especially if he had a boyfriend. You were right to feel betrayed. I don't think I would even want this guy as a friend anymore. Move on. It's his problem, not yours.
2006-09-15 03:31:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im so sorry that you had to find out about this guy that way, t's not the best way to find out, but nothing is your fault and it's better to find out now than later on. He didnt tell you the truth because maybe he isnt completely out of the closet, maybe he's not 100% sure if he is gay.....you'll really have to ask him.
2006-09-15 03:31:31 · answer #6 · answered by Linda 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You weren't tricked, you just didn't have the experience to see the signs that he was Gay.
I'm not excusing him for what he did, but on the otherside of the coin, what was he supposed to do? In the present climate that we live in, he felt he didn't want to lose the one thing he had with you, which was a very loving FRIENDSHIP that he wouldn't normaly get from other people (in which case that goes for people of any sexual orientation who look for trust in people that is rare in this world).
If you developed a great friendship with him during the time you guys were dating, he's expecting you to understand his situation on that basis. Give yourself the chance to understand what he's going thru now and why, but be firm and say "In order for us to continue our friendship, you must be honest with me and trust me". Make a point that you have no problem with his sexual orientation, but the key to any relationship is trust.
Now, for your part, you must make the effort to be honest with yourself and to learm to trust yourself. Your not obligated to be in relationships you KNOW not to be good for you. It's one thing to have an open mind and another to be in a relationship that bothers you.
Some people never learn from their past and continue to blame their problems outside themselves. I've known women that were attracted to certain traits that men have, but didn't understand and/or knew that other men carried traits of understanding and kindness that all kinds of men have. She kept blaming her mishaps on gay men instead of have trust and honesty within herself for what she wanted.
Don't trap yourself and make the same mistake. The only obligation that you have is to yourself. Meaning-don't be ignorant.
Good luck.
2006-09-15 03:43:20 · answer #7 · answered by monkeymustard 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
reason that men do such things:
1)uncertainty:maybe he wasnt sure where he stood as relates to sexual orientaion
2)he may not have wanted to hurt your feelings
3)he might have really cared about you
4)he could have been undergoing an identity crisis
5)he could have had touble expressing himself to you that he was gay.
well thats all i can think of right now. good luck figuring it out
you might want to try asking him why he didnt tell you and what the truth really is.
2006-09-15 03:37:10 · answer #8 · answered by xodusj 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
umm becuase he was CHEATING? but this is sort of a new story for me. you shouldve ****** him up on the spot. if you pampered his *** and he smoked another guys sausage than he was not enough for a person like you. can't think of more to say right now...
2006-09-15 03:31:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
not tricked, just part of this guys attempt to sort himself out.
he's confused and was testing the waters. unfortunately he's decided to go with the other team, so time for you to look elsewhere.
2006-09-15 03:32:17 · answer #10 · answered by pugsbaby 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is it that he didn't tell you or that you didn't get the signals? Think about all the time you spent together, try to remember any kind of signal or attitude that can connect him with his sexuality, maybe he expected you would realize eventually.
2006-09-15 03:31:01 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋