How would you feel ? (Mostly women) Men are welcome to answer?

Question

Here is my deal: Yes I am somewhat overweight, but I am doing something about it. I have joined LA Weight Loss and in a month have lost 10.5 lbs and went down a pant size. I have more energy and feel so much better. However, my husband's sex drive isn't very high, but I get the feeling when I lose all of my weight he is going to want me more sexually. I know when this happens, my feelings are going to be hurt. How would you deal with it? Would it matter if it happened to you?

After reading some of the responses, I need to add a few more details. We have been married for 8 years; I have never been skinny. I am a curvy girl even with weight loss. I do feel good about myself, and I feel more sexy, but if doesn't want me know (which he does about once a week), then of course it will hurt my feelings for him to want me more as I lose weight. I mean we have been together all this time, so why not want your wife now!

Another detail, my husband is not overweight. And I do try to intiate sex, but get turned down often. He says he is just too tired, or he doesn't feel well. And for some of you, I am not a Freaking Whale! Geez, the way some of you talk you think I weigh 300 lbs or more. I am self confident, and I am happy person! I just want my husband to want me now too, not just when I look my best.

Answer 1

First of all congrats on the weight loss, keep it up... I hope this is something you are doing for yourself, not just to please your husband. I know that situation would be a hurt full thing, have you spoken to your husband, about it? Tell him how you feel and that his not paying attention to you is bothering you. Sometimes we, do not really think about the things we say or do, and sometimes are not aware of the hurt we may be causing someone that we really care about.

Answer 2

Congratulations on taking a step in the right direction. However your reason for losing should be to better your health and enjoy life more. I thik this is due to your low self esteem at the moment perhaps because you are overweight. Marriage is a lot more than just looking good and great sex. If your husband finds you more attractive when you shed the pounds does not mean that he didn't love you when you were a little on the heavy side. So just go with the flow or maybe ask him to become a gym buddy aswell, that way you get to spend even more time together doing something healthy. Good luck!

Answer 3

As a man, I feel I should answer this (okay, that sounds funny... not like I'm going to answer as an armadillo... but anyway).

A man's sex drive is a funny thing, and isn't as cut-and-dry as people think. Men don't think about sex every six seconds and they aren't ready to go at it with thirty seconds notice (well, I'm sure some are, but I'd lay decent odds you aren't married to him) You don't mention your husband's level of fitness, but one of the things that has been shown to affect a man's sex drive is his physical condition. Blood pressure problems and obesity affect both desire and performance ability, so he may not be up to it, regardless of your physical condition. Also, if he's overweight and feeling kind of bad about it, it can also affect his sex drive psychologically -- just like you feel sometimes, if he doesn't feel desirable, he might be less likely to initiate the ol' moves.

Okay, for your side of this dance, it's great you're losing weight. You may have to take the lead, however -- sex has also been shown to be something that gets better with practice and regularity. The more you do it, in other words, the more you're likely to want to do it (oddly enough, it works that way with exercise as well -- you start feeling better after a workout, which reinforces the behavior and you want to do it again) If you want lovin', initiate it, and it can help your husband feel more like doing it -- and you don't have to wait until you lose weight, either.

Don't feel hurt if your husband wants you more after you lose weight; focus on the positive -- positive attention is one of the byproducts of getting into shape, and you should just enjoy it. And like I've mentioned, your husband may have other reasons besides your figure why his get-up-and-go got up and went, so I wouldn't take it personally. Best thing to do is talk to him about it, tell him what's worrying you now, and figure out a way to do this together.

Answer 4

It would hurt my feelings because it's easy to think he is only interested in you for your appearance but there could be more to it. When I feel good about myself I naturally feel sexier and it shows in the way I act and dress and treat my husband. Why don't you have a little talk with your husband about it now. Just ask why he doesn't seem very interested in sex and talk about how you two could renew the passion. Don't say anything about your weight or losing weight. Sexy isn't about how you look or what size your jeans are.

Answer 5

I am overweight. My husband loves the nice skinny girls. I know he does. I am perfectly happy with the way I am and the way I look as I have always been overweight.

I have thought about losing weight and I know that my husband would want me more if I was skinny. That did hurt my feelings a lot. I started thinking that he doesn't love me as much as he could love me because of my weight.

Then I made up my mind, when he told me he loved me I was overweight. When he asked me to marry him, I was overweight. The first time we made love, I was overweight.

Therefore, he must love me for who I am because I have always been overweight. Am I trying to lose weight? No. This is the way I am and I am happy with it. If he's not happy with it he can leave and it won't make any difference to me at all.

Be happy with yourself. Don't let a man determine your happiness.

Answer 6

Of course he will be more attracted to you sexually. How someone looks is a big factor in our sex-drive as humans. That's why magazines are full of 'perfect' bodies - people wanna look at them!

You should be proud of yourself - by all means don't be offended.

I lost alot of weight about 7 years ago, my ex-husband ended up wandering to other women for his sexual needs. I never blamed myself for that because cheating is just wrong, but I did look at the state I was in physically and realised I had let myself get quite unattractive. How did I expect him to be turned on by my lumps - he wasn't the sort to fancy bigger women.

To be perfectly honest, he had gained weight himself and I didn't find him attractive either. By the end of our marriage we pretty much didn't have any sex - ever.

I met a man (who is now my husband) after I slimmed down, and we've been together for about 5 and a half years now, and still are hot for one another. But we both keep our bodies looking good and it helps the over all relationship!

Enjoy being slim - it's what you work hard for.

Answer 7

You confuse me a little. You say your feelings will be hurt, because, he may have more interest in you?
I not know, but, I feel sex is a good part of a relationship and can provide a more intimate personal time together. Heck, maybe I'm weird, but, my woman and me not just have sex. We have fun too. I may do silly things like my Rooster Strut Dance, we play and laugh, talk. There more to sex than what most people know. It not just a Heave Ho thing. But, two people must work together and be willing to make it more than just a quick stress relief. Hope this helps.

Answer 8

Sex drive is directly affected by your level of attraction to a person. It may hurt, but that's just a fact. If he becomes more sexually attracted to you once you lose the weight, it's natural. But, of course, that doesn't make it hurt any less. Have you tried talking to him about this? What makes you assume that this will happen? Has he actually said something to you??

Any man who loves you will be supportive of your efforts and consious of your feelings.

Answer 9

You should be very proud of yourself for such a bold step to lose weight and I don't see why you should be prophesying to yourself that you'll be hurt when your husband will want you more sexually.Get excited and focus on all the good e.g being healthier,slimmer and fitting into some sizes you once considered impossible,come on!!!!!

Answer 10

i do not recognize how previous your toddler is or what the reason your fiance has for not being there for the beginning of his baby yet, so some distance as i will imagine, his assumptions are ridiculous and under no circumstances something more effective than an irrational excuse and a really adverse one at that for not feeling like he might want to be close to to his baby. there are literally 1000's of those who won't be able to be there for the beginning of their children (inclusive of moms who received't be wakeful) and they are able to bonding and love as mucha s each person is. Is your fiance making plans to spend something of his existence feeling not bonded to this baby? Is he going tosee this as a existence ong difficulty or get on with the interest of being a father and attending to renowned to bond which includes his baby no count number what. if you're making plans to marry this guy and if this guy is making plans to be a dad to this baby, then you actually might want to both search for specialist help because you're starting up your youngster's existence on very shaky floor. Your baby needs a father who will acknowedge that fatherhood has not something to do with being latest on the beginning and has each and every thing to do with doing regardless of it takes to provide love for his baby.