Teen Pregnancy--Sympathy Please?

Question

I posted this at night a while back---thought I'd see how the day crowd took it.

I don’t understand why everyone gives teenagers who are pregnant so much sympathy just because of the situation they put themselves in! What is up with that? I do not believe in stereotyping anyone--especially teenage mothers but why give them sympathy? I don’t care about anyone’s age, it seems to me people on here who are young mothers or are young and pregnant always put “I’m 16 and…” Why should we care how old they are to answer their questions? You don’t see some one write “Hi, I’m 32 and…” Are pregnant teens trying to get sympathy or attention because of their age? I think a lot of teenagers put a really bad reputation out there for themselves and others in the same situation---therefore creating and adding to stereotypes . What are your feeling on this?

I also should add--I was pregnant with my first at seventeen--I'm nineteen now--just for judgment's sake.

I was married at the time and the father was my husband--who is still my husband.

Sorry I'm not going to abstain from having sex with my husband--no questions there!

Answer 1

I'm 31 and...I agree with you. I don't think these young women should be judged harshly, or be treated badly. I do think that people give them more sympathy than they actually deserve. They knew the consequences, and they made their decisions. I went through the same thing last year. I think becoming a single mom was hard as hell to deal with at 30 years old. At least when I was a teenager, I didn't have any other bills in my name, those are much more stressful than having a baby and raising her! And it was no easier telling my mom and dad I was pregnant at 30 than it would have been as a teen.

Answer 2

The fact that they feel the need to mention their age often shows that they are feeling very insecure and also not yet old enough to deal with their pregnancy. I tend to advise people not just based upon their actual situation but upon the signals they're giving out by the way they phrase (or misphrase) their questions. So, it often happens in cases like you mention that I will take a pretty supportive approach; I see no value in saying "stupid girl, why did you go and do that?" because it's besides the point at that moment and also makes assumptions that may be totally erroneous. Remonstrations are not usually what she needs, even if any are justified. (Doubtful: She didn't get pregnant on her own, after all: how many 'what-do-I-do-now' questions do we see from 16-y.o. fathers?? Okay, it's not quite the same, obviously, but I'm sure you see the point. This 'blaming the girl' kind of attitude that is prevalent in some quarters in our societies is not only absurd, it makes it more difficult for young, expectant mothers to escape unjustified stigmas and get the support that ANY pregnant woman is entitled to.)

Of course, where her ignorance of even basic issues is obviously lacking and I feel that she needs practical support, then if I can help I will. You are perfectly correct that we tend to create stereotypes in these cases; there are plenty of countries where the majority of women have their first pregnancy in their mid- to late teens and in fact start to get concerned if they haven't had a child by the age of twenty. I'm not saying if this is right or wrong, but the fact is in their societies it is the norm and they don't go around asking for such help or advice because they are already informed about what to do -- most often by older women. So, they deal with it all admirably well.

Fundamentally, then, this is a societal problem, not a biological one, and from that perspective your point is well made.

Lenky.

Answer 3

Well, because they are olny 16.....even if they put themselves in the situation, they are still very young to be dealing with it......think about it, how mature were you at 16 vs. 19? BIG DIFFERENCE RIGHT? Even those of us who were VERY masture for our ages and those of us who got preganant and had a baby at 17 (as did I)! There is still a big difference in your thought process, and you as an idividual in general! Sympathy, I give it only becasue it is a hard thing to deal with, you struggle, it is difficult to deqal with a baby, school, work, at 16, HELL it is hard to deal with it as a full grown adult, let alone a 16 year old. So as a human, woman to woman, having been there and done that, knowing the challenges that I faced, and delat with I give sympathy, HOWEVER, life deals you a hand, it is up to you how you play it, I play the best I can, nothing keeps me down or holds me back and that is the way a teenager MUST look at life if dealt the teenage preganancy thing, or anything for that matter. Work with what you got, move up, keep pushing, deal with things as they come and keep your head up, life is not easy, at all!

Oh, I am 28 now and think, and feel totally different now than I did at 16, 18, 21 & 25. Plus I have 3 children of which I have taken care of on my own (no help form the government-NO FAMILY) up until 1 year ago.

Answer 4

I do like seeing that age because it gives me a frame of reference. How I would answer a question for a 40 year old and for 16 year old would be very different.

In addition the type of resources a pregnant teenager would need might be very different than a single mom at 35.

A teenager most likely is still dealing with issues like parents and still living at home and most likely still in high school/middle school, where an adult might not have those issues.

At the same time, I would like to see a person who is an adult give us that info in those types of questions because it does provide a framework to give a suitable answer.

Let's face it, while being a single mother is never easy, the problems a 15 year old pregnant girl and a 35 year old pregnant women will deal with can be somewhat different.

Answer 5

Well I don't offer sympathy, but I guess most of the teens who do ask questions really want advice and I would give that.

Most people, would give sympathy too. Simply because they either feel that the teen is in a sorry state, or because they can't give any good advice.

About teen pregnancy versus single motherhood at age 32, well there is a difference, because you can expect that at age 32 you more or less should have your primary, secondary and tertiary education done, and should be able to support yourself with a job, and at least it will not "devastate" your career path and such.

At 16, if you have a baby, it would be much harder to carry on with education, and to support that baby.
Simply, people expect someone older to be wiser and to know what to do.

Answer 6

Hey all you butts, this is a sweet girl and she is doing a great job. Who cares if she had a baby at 17. At least she was married.

Now, to answer the question at hand, I don't give sympathy to unmarried moms, not necessarily young. If they are going to have sex before marriage, they need to buck up and do what is right by that child.

What I am sick of is the teenagers who are not married and are getting pregnant on purpose either to get attention or to trap a guy in their lives, and then when they realize how expensive a baby is they get on welfare.

Answer 7

I have always had the opinion that if you are not ready to be a parent then you are not ready to be having sex. When you have sex you are taking the chance of a possible pregnancy...no matter how careful you are being. I agree that teen's who cry "poor me" and "I don't know what I'm going to do now" are giving themselves the reputation. Children are a gift from God and are never accidents...sometimes we get a surprise...but that is the chance we take when we have sex. I agree with you that it is the teens in the situation that bring the stereotypes and reputations on themselves.

Answer 8

They start out their posting with their age b/c its a diffrent set of circumtances to be pregenant with then the one we would imagine.
They cant support themselves, are dependent on parents who probably wont be pleased. Its a diffrent set of pressures. That if its a HELP ME type how do i tell me parents bla bla babies daddy type thread.
If they are asking a technincal question, im not sure why they would post their age, excpet perhaps being so overwhelmed with the situation they feel like they have to annouce it.
My sypathy for them exists in as much as i feel sorry for them. Sometimes they want the kid, sometimes they dont, whatever, anyway you slice it it just would have been better if they got pregant when they were older. Often theres a level of ignorance about the world. I feel bad about this as well.
I had a kid when i was 22, not a teenager, but i am a single mom. I LOVE my daughther but ill be married before i have another. Teen moms hopefully will be adults before they have another.

Answer 9

Hello!!!
I think that anybody with an unplanned pregnancy needs support.But the younger you are the more support, because you have not experience in life. So before you try to support somebody you don't know, I think knowing the age helps. You should also have in mind that they act according to how they were raised by their parents. Where are the parents? Why she needs support from a stranger? That's why I think it's very important communication with your children and you should start at a young age, don't wait until they're teenagers to try. That's what I have been doing with my daughters since they were little, now they are 14 and 16. Blessings.......

Answer 10

Personally I have no sympathy for people who knowingly make bad decisions. Waiting until you're a mature adult (married too is best imo!) is NOT hard, you just need to learn self control. But if you choose to have sex at such a young age, then you're also deciding to take on the responsibility of the possible baby that could result. I feel no sympathy for people who put themselves in their own messes.