I've always been very mature for my age, and so is my boyfriend. We are both students currently and working full time as well. We have begun talking about getting married and living together. I can't live with him until I get married because my father would hate that I was "living in sin" as he says but they don't want me to get married until I'm 30. My mother would hate that I was getting married at all, she always thinks that people with kids when they are under 30 are immature and irresponsible. I don't want children until I'm perhaps 27 or so, but I do want to get married and have a life together with my husband before then. He & I have been together 3 years so far and we are 21 right now, do you think we are rushing things by planning a wedding in 2 years?? I really wish my family wasn't so judgemental, they love my boyfriend, but I'm afraid to tell them when we do get engaged or even if I get pregnant (no matter what age I am). How do I get them to accept my decision?
2006-09-15 02:21:05 · 18 answers · asked by Domi 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I know I sound stupid worrying about what my parents think, but I grew up without grandparents (mine are awful, hated my mom and mistreated us) and I don't want my kids to grow up like that. So its really important that I stay close to my family now. But I also want them to be proud of me. Please don't think I'm tryin to suck up to them, I just would hate to ruin family ties.
2006-09-15 02:34:04 · update #1
Also both of us will have graduated by 23 and I already pay my car payment & rent. My parents only pay my tuition.
2006-09-15 02:35:34 · update #2
I know you don't want to hurt your parents, but you are an adult who can make your own life decisions. I don't think 23 is to young to get married. You have already been with your boyfriend for three years, so you have got to know by now if he's the one. Your parents do have expectations for you and always will, but this is your life and if you want to start sharing it with "your husband", that is great. If your parents truly love your boyfriend and think he is good for you, then I don't see why they will be opposed to you getting married in 2 years. Good luck!
2006-09-15 02:28:39 · answer #1 · answered by gel 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Getting Married At 23
2016-11-12 04:32:55 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow!! I don't know what to say about your parents thinking under thirty is too young for marriage and children.
I do think love knows NO age. And my husband and I got married when I was 20yr. And we have 2 babies. I'm only 23 now. What would they think of that. I think you getting engaged and waiting two years before marriage is a very mature idea. And you need to remember if your going to want your parents to think your mature enough to get married and take on "grown up" responsibilities than you need to act grown up and tell them your plans. Do you live on your own or with your parents? If you live with MOM & DAD you may want to consider moving in to your own place first to show them you r a grown responsible woman. Than take another step and announce your engagement. If you are already on your own than show them how you can make decisions like a grow women and gentley let them know your decision you and your love made together. In the end a marriage/engagement is suposed to be a happy time. Remind them of how they felt when they got married and how nothing else matters at the time but how much you love each other.
A 2yr engagement is not rushing into a marriage. Now a days it takes a year to plan, and if you want make sure its the right move.
Good luck. And make sure if you love him let your parents know. Maybe not right away but eventually your parents will try to let you go from the nest. As a mother now I can understand why my mom had a hard time when I got married and moved on my own. Your always your mommy's baby no matter how old you are. And its hard to let go. When my oldest daughter started daycare last month she is 2yr I felt like she didn't need me anymore she has her teacher during the day. I know her teacher never could take my place it was just sad and took a little getting used to. I can't imagine what I'll be thinking when she tells me she is moving out, getting married, having a baby, etc. The more they grow up the more of a reality check it is "they aren't a baby anymore!" Just listen to your parents try to understand their feelings but remind them your growing up, your mature, your an independent woman and you love them.
2006-09-15 02:58:18 · answer #3 · answered by RASBERRI 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whenever someone says they are "very mature for their age", I always wonder who they're trying to convince. However...
If your parents are supporting you now (tuition, room and board, living at home between terms and summer, car) then you should follow their rules. If you are paying your own bills, then you can do what you want. If you want to get engaged now, fine. I would wait until after graduation for the wedding, however, when you are on your own and have been supporting yourself for a year or so. That time spent on your own is an education in itself. It's a valuable skill to be learned and earned.
Once you're married, it's customary for the couple to support themselves. That means tuition, cars, housing, health insurance, food, the whole 9 yards. If you can't do that, you shouldn't be married yet.
2006-09-15 02:33:16 · answer #4 · answered by Ralfcoder 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You'll just have to let them deal with your choice. You are a grown person, therefore you have the right to make any decision that you wish. Yes your family might object at first, but sooner or later, they'll have to learn to deal with it.
If you and your guy friend think you might want to get married, be my guest. You also might want to try to worry less about what your family thinks about you getting married.
If I was your father (I'm glad I'm not though, lol) I would support you in what you wished to do, even if I didn't agree with it at first.
However I think that having a short engagement would be better, because I've heard that allot of couples that stay engaged for longer than about 6-9 months, they are much more likely to get divorced.
I'm only saying that to warn you, let your family deal with your decision. You are a grown woman, and therefore should be able to get married if you wish.
I hope things go well for you. Have a good day.
2006-09-15 02:36:19 · answer #5 · answered by Jarod R 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
23 is not to young if you are sure that you want to spend the rest of your life with someone than do it. I am 20 and a wife and a mother and I still work a full time job during the day and it is not easy but worth it. Your parents will come around just give them time and tell them that your are doing it no matter what nad you would love for them to stand behind your decision, they will go around.
2006-09-15 02:36:39 · answer #6 · answered by Ivy P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In many countries,the legal age is 16. ok,so they may end up getting divorced...but so do people who get married a lot later. Are you going to live under your parents rule for ever? Will they tell you what time to go to bed,and when you can sleep with your husband...that's if you ever get married? If kids come along,your parents will take over straight away. Just go off and get married now. Stand up to your parents,you're an adult,not a child.Just tell them ;"Thank you for giving me life,and raising me,but I'll take it from here."
2006-09-15 02:39:23 · answer #7 · answered by Taylor29 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a very important decision to make, but it's yours not your parents. I understand that you may love them and respect them, but you are an adult now. There are many people who get married in their early twenties and stay happily married. However, I would suggest that you get marriage counseling from the person who will be marrying you. Tell your parents that you appreciate and respect their concerns but they raised you to be a responsible person and you feel like you're mature enough to get married.
Hope it works out,
God Bless!
2006-09-15 02:27:54 · answer #8 · answered by Tiffany 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well...I dont know, I married my now husband at 23 But, I didnt have my parents around. HE proposed to me at ny babyshower...We had been together since I was 18, so we were together for a long time and had already been living together for 4 years, So our story is different, But i do not think its too young to get married.
Your parents will come around, will they be paying for this wedding, maybe this is why they want to stray away from it...Maybe they want to be sure this isnt just some puppy love they will waster their $$ on. Sit them sown and tell them you have no dought in your mind this is your future husband, if you have to go to vegas and do it, you will! Maybe they will change their minds, if not start planning and dont include them on anything, they will feel left out and want to join in!
2006-09-15 03:01:01 · answer #9 · answered by crystald 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well it sounds like you are not ready to put your trust in your boyfriend. If you were ready to get married you would be able to tell your parents that he is going to be your husband and they would more than likely be happy for you. If they weren't then the problem is with them... It is only too young to get married if you are afraid to end a relationship that is just blah, and it just winds up in a marriage. You have to be adult of enough to know that this is right for you...
2006-09-15 02:26:11 · answer #10 · answered by I am Jared From Subway 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋