grandparents not wanting to take out thier grandkids ever?

Question

my girlfriends mum and dad just dont want to spend time with there grandchilden even though they live only a few miles away and we have we have no other family for 100s of miles,

i really feel sorry for our kids because we take them out nearly every weekend which is the most we can do, but i feel they are left in the dark from there grand parents, her mum and dad are not very old they go and do there own thing at weekends,

if me and my girlfriend want to go out on our own we will have to ask her mum to look after our kids but i feel she thinks she is doing us a massive favour, because we have to say thank you for baby sitting, which i dont mind saying but because they never volunteer.....

even on the rare occasion they have the kids they only have them 1 kid at a time and they never take them out,

also on the rare occasion 1 of the kids have a sleep over we would have to drive them over and collect them the first thing in the morning....

Answer 1

LoL.. they are obviously the kinds of grandparents that feel they've raised their kids, and refuse to "raise" their grandkids, alottttttttt of grandparents are this way.. they look at their golden years as "their" time.. and they dont want to be babysitters they want to be grandparents..

My mom goes through stints of feeling this way.. ..

And i found with her, if i get another babysitter, and basically dont go to see them for awhile... they usually come around wanting to know when their going to see their grandkids again.. so u may want to try that.. if nothing else u dont feel as if u have to feel "totally greatful" for them watching the kids for u..

Answer 2

So many things come to mind.
First of all, if they don't want to spend time with the grand-kids, then it shouldn't be forced upon them. They have rights and feelings just like the rest of us. Maybe, they're trying to enjoy the last years of their lives while their health is still good. You say they're still young and this should tell you a lot. They're trying to enjoy their lives now that they don't have kids under foot.
As adults, you and your wife should consider hiring a baby sitter when you go out. I'm sure there's some one in the area that would like to have a little extra money.
I don't mean to sound nasty, but you and your girlfriend sound a little on the selfish side. If you guys go out you have to ask grandma to babysit. That's only fair. And you have to say thank you, that's only common courtesy, especially if you offer no money for it. Where is it written that grandparents HAVE to take them out? Where is it written that they have to take all the kids at once? Maybe one at a time is all they can handle or all they trust themselves to handle. While they have one, why don't you hire a baby sitter for the other and go out while you only have to pay for one rather than two?
Just because they're grandparents does not mean they're committed to babysit when you go out, or take all the kids at one time. After all, they've raised their family and shouldn't feel obligated to raise a second one.
I do suspect that there will come a day, when they'll regret their decision of not spending time with the grand-kids, but until that day, your hands are pretty much tied and you'll have to adjust.
Sorry I ended up defending the grandparents rather than you, but I can see life through their eyes as well as yours. My parents rarely babysat for me, I always took my kid with me, except for the dates, but then I hired a babysitter and they sat a few times while I worked and my sitter was sick. My dad always told me 'you play, you pay, and this is part of the responsibility you've taken on.' It was the truth and I had no grounds for argument.

Answer 3

My son's grandparents are the same way, on his fathers side. I do not associate with my parents, so that leaves just them. They see him every 2 weeks on a Friday. He gets dropped off at 7pm and picked up at 12 the next day. Real quality time. So I totally understand where you are coming from.

I also understand how you want to get out of the house every now and again. Just hang through it and eventually the kids will be old enough for you guys to get out and do something, leaving the kids at home alone. It seems years away, but the time flies by fast, trust me.

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This is a great example of the real meaning of 'It takes a village to raise a child' (and for verification, Hilary didn't coin that phrase and it is taken way out of context). What this means is that people need a support group, friends and family should be there for each other and this has been lost to the "ME" mentality.

Answer 4

Isn't it sad that they are missing out on getting to know and love those great kids? Honestly I think you should just let them go..if you want to go out...get a sitter. Or better yet, trade a weekend night with the parents of one of your kid's friends. This works well for us as we don't live in the same state of either of our parents. One Saturday night yours stay with them and then the next Saturday you get all the kids...it's more fun when they are with friends anyway. Be creative and someday those grandparents will regret missing out on those kids....and then it will be to late. Just remember if you can't say anything nice it's best to say nothing. Have fun.

Answer 5

I think you have a right to be disappointed. But no more than that, no anger. Not all people like other people's children, not all people like taking care of children. Some grandparents love it, some don't. I know just as many people who feel they raised their own, and they're over the whole thing as I do people who just can't get enough. They are doing you a favor by babysitting, you should say thank you. Realize too, that depending on their age and the age of your children, more than one may be too much for them.

Answer 6

They really seem to have no interest in your kids at all, which is sad...Is it worth trying to find a regular babysitter?..i know this aint really the point but maybe if you never asked them at all to spend time with the kids they might realise how selfish they`re being...i hope they realise what theyre missing soon because im sure your kids will pick up on the fact they never go out they`re way to spend time with them.

Answer 7

When the hell are you younger people going to wake up?
Grand-parents aren't your baby sitters. It makes me sick to my stomach to hear cry babys like you complain because some grand-parents (me included) are not your personal free baby sitters. It must have really hurt you to even say "Thank You for watching the kids".
You took on the responsibility to have children as we also did, but we took care of our own and took them every where with us. On rare occassions we paid for a baby sitter, and believe me there are plenty of them out there looking to make a few bucks doing it. Get off your a** and take care of your own kids and quit gripping about mom and pop not wanting to do your parental thing for you and for Free at that. Those kids are YOUR responsibility.... accept it.
Later in life you'll find out ... "Grand kids are great to have.... at least they go back home".

Answer 8

I have to somewhat agree with Lucianna but I can definitely relate. Lucianna is right to an extent, but as in my case, it really gets complicated when other grandchildren become involved. We have 3 kids and my husband's sister has 3 kids, lol, we have the boys and she has the girls. Anyway, my husband's mom used to say only one at a time could come, but now will only let any of my kids come when my sister-in-law's first born comes to her house. Yes, she favors my sister-in-law's first born. It can get to be a complicated situation, but grandparents need their time. I know when my kids move out, I will be sad, but I will probably want my time too, and I especially hope they don't start having babies really young. That's about all I can say, but listen, if you figure anything out, let me know, lol, and good luck!!

Answer 9

Talk to your girlfriend and ask her to talk to her parents about this situation. I know how it feels because my grandparents were never really there. My Grandad made an effort but I haven't seen him for 6 years and it's really hard on me even though we still keep in contact. My grandmother on the other hand I try to limit my contact with as I do not like her at all for peronal reasons.

It'll make it hard on your kids as well if you let this carry on because as they get older they'll realise their Grandparents haven't really been there except for when they had to which will make them feel like they're burdening them.

Answer 10

Maybe they are tired of having to watch over kids. There comes a time on everyones life where all they want to do is relax and unwind. They have already taken care of their children and now you expect them to look after yours? please give them some space.

Because they are the grandparents that doesn't mean they have to take care of them or that they want to spend time with them. Stop asking them for favors, let's see if they miss them and ask for them on their own.