2006-09-15 00:43:42 · 30 answers · asked by Unicorna 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I have three step daughters and had the same problem with the middle one. Eventually I won but it took alot of stressful years. We sent her packing to her moms house to live. It was the best move we made. And she is happy there too. Maybe you should tell him that he needs to go stay with his mom for a while. Especially if you have younger children at home who maybe picking stuff up from him. And do you and your husband fight over the way he is or do you two agree on stuff. Good luck.
2006-09-15 00:51:29 · answer #1 · answered by ?Shannan? 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your partner's son will always be part of his life and therefore yours if you and your partner stay together. You don't say how old he is or if he lives with you so it is hard to be specific.
However, he is probably very unhappy that his parents split up and resentful of you even if their split was not your fault. And all teenagers can get nasty and resentful even with their own parents let alone step-parents - it's natural and it is up to you as the adult to try and stay calm.
If his lies are about you, then you should tell your partner, but don't force him to choose between you and your son. Instead say something like "I'm very upset by that kind of thing being said about me and [stepson] must be going through a tough time to say it. How do you think we should all handle the situation?"
Don't be nasty back to your stepson, especially not behind your partner's back. Let them have some quality time together while you do your own thing.
Try and find out what he likes in the way of food, entertainment, etc and perhaps organise a outing for the three of you. Take an interest in his school/work/friends. Don't expect him to be instantly happy or grateful, but your partner will appreciate that you are doing your best and will expect his son to do the same.
2006-09-18 12:06:22 · answer #2 · answered by Bridget F 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had the same problem. I have two children my partner has two children.His eldest child ( son) used to live with his mother but when we got a house together he came and lived with us . He had no manners, wanted to do everything his way wouldn't even eat at the same time as the rest of us. He was 16 at the time.Even started to bring his girlfriend home and ban the rest of the children form the living room while she was there. He was an endless cause of stress - he argued on every one didn't go to college and didnt get a job.
I used to try to feel sorry for him - after all he had a crap life with his mom so tried to make allowances for him.
In the end ,we had a tremendous row and he left home( he was 18 then).Not the best ending but at least now the house is peaceful.
Sometimes you can not reach somebody half way no matter what you do.
2006-09-15 06:08:38 · answer #3 · answered by DENISE A 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you married his father with the assumption that you would also have to deal with the child. If he is making life that hard for you and your guy, set BOTH of them down and discuss it. If they wont, take matters into your own hands and discipline the child for each lie he tells.
You do NOT have to have his approval to be with his father no matter what the reason. If the father wont deal with it or at least help, thats probably the reason the kids parents arent together today. He probably buried his head in the sand and refused to act on the problems. If he is truly a father and not just a donor, he will help you with the problem.
2006-09-15 01:06:35 · answer #4 · answered by billydeer_2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You dont give very much detail, but I will try on the info given! Firstly I would speak to him about his attitude to you and find out if there is something you have said or dont to upset him. The chances are there is probably not, its just that you are not him mother and he cant accept that. Speak to your husband about it, but dont make his son look like a vilian, just say, Oh I wish I could be closer to step-son, but I always feel he pushes me away. Dont say what you have said here even if its true as it will just play into your step sons hands. From what you have said this person is very immature and dosent want things to have moved on. However just try dont give him any fuel, be as nice as nine-pence to your step son as it will annoy him and just make sure that he sees how you and your husband feel about each other. Chanches are he wants you out of the way so he can hang out and bum about with his dad and get money/food/beer without having to pay for it. You are making him become responsible, and thats what his problem is. Just go easy and you will win over him.
2006-09-15 00:52:45 · answer #5 · answered by IwishicoulddeleteYahooAnswers 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By being nice to him. If you care and love his dad, you ought to try to care and love his son. Endure the little rascal even if he is treating you wrongly. You are the "newcomer" afterall and he probably feels very threatened by you. There is an obvious hurt there. Children and teenagers are especially attached to their parents and their parents being together. When that is broken, they don't really understand their emotions and usually act out in anger. The best thing you can do is to not fight back and hope that this phase eventually ends. If it doesn't, be rest assured that eventually he'll go away to college, move out, or get married. This is all completely normal behavior from a stepson by the way, try and see if you can see things from his point of view.
2006-09-15 00:49:34 · answer #6 · answered by Emi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What an evil step-mom? You guys need to work something out because you are part of the family now. Most kids do lie and lazy how old is this kid? If you and daddy have a stong realtionship he wouldnt be able to split ya up. I think you should just spend alittle time with him sometimes it best to have the kids on ur side anyways. good luck
2006-09-15 00:47:41 · answer #7 · answered by Deshawn & Keshawn's mom 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's a funny thng being a kid - you never have any choices. You're born to two parents, they can't keep together and they split up and then you have to put up with new partners. You get told this is your stepmother/stepfather and it doesn't matter what you think or say, tough. Get used to it.
Your stepson miight be a lazy, lying, nasty boy because of his parents. Every child is entitled to a nuclear home, with consistent discipline. The fact that is exploiting you shows you how angry he is. Does he feel disloyal to his mother?
None of this is helping, beyond allowing you to vent your anger. I suggest you seek counselling and mediation.
One of the biggest modern lies is that children are resilient. Doesn't give him any excuse for his behaviour. That needs to be sorted out by your husband.
2006-09-15 01:11:49 · answer #8 · answered by True Blue Brit 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take everything from his bedroom and hire a skip and put everything he owns into it including, probably, his games console from the lounge.
When asked why you have done it - tell him it represents all of the pent-up hatred he is demonstrating to you and his father. Also tell him that if he wants it out of there, he better change else it stays.
To be honest - he's got problems only you, he and his father can sort out, no matter what suggestions people make on here. Once you've sorted those problems, you're onto a winner.
2006-09-17 06:52:59 · answer #9 · answered by Yagowra Shakaboom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had the same problem with an ex! She would not stand up to him and from the age of 16-25 he did not do any work, never looked for a job and sponged off me! In the end it contributed to us splitting up, 90% of the reason why!
If your man does not see what his son is doing and how this affects you then "TELL HIM", and I mean in full details how it is affecting you and what the end result will be!
2006-09-15 00:48:41 · answer #10 · answered by Nick B 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋