When I first met my husbands family I thought they were great & vice versa. We spent a lot of time with his brothers who lived mins away & his father maybe an hour away. Then last year we moved about 3 hours from where we had been living. I was at this time 8 months pregnant & wanted to be closer to my family. Things were still fine when we got here but after the baby was born I started to see things in them I didn't like, & I guess I was paying attention more to what they were saying and realized they weren't so nice afterall. My husbands father has since moved 4 states away & we rarely see or speak to any of them not that I mind becauseI feel like my husband is happier & nicer when he doesnt speak to or see them. My problem is that when he does speak to them they fill his head with all this stuff about how bad I am (controlling and mean) they have also gone so far as to say that I delet emails and voicemails from them. I dont do these things, how do I help him see this isnt me?
2006-09-15 00:09:34 · 11 answers · asked by Mommy to One 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
get some new ones
2006-09-15 00:12:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
My in-laws have been back-stabbing me for oh...about 16 years now and we are still married! I have learned that it is not worth fighting about. They are his family and he grew up with them and he loves them and you had better not try to come between them. In the long run he will start to resent you and believe them more. It is hard but the best action is if you can't say anything nice, don't go there!! Make sure he calls them on all the important days, Christmas, Easter, Birthdays etc. Make sure he replies to all the emails and messages.... And all gifts, cards and the like are sent right on time. Make sure you don't bad mouth them to your child and focus on the good in them. It has to be there, your hubby came from there!!! It will take time but all the effort will pay off in the long run. At least they are far enough away that they aren't in your face all the time....it could be worse. Oh, and if you can choose a good friend to unload on once in a while that will keep your thoughts and feelings to herself. Make sure your hubby isn't around when you unload though....Good luck
2006-09-15 07:33:35 · answer #2 · answered by Barbiq 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a big one for confrontation with all parties involved alot of time people say that someone deleted the message because really they never called. I would definitely talk to your husband as well. Alot of girls have problems with their in-laws. Also ask them how you can change if they think that you are so dam controlling how can you not be controlling make them explain themselves if the can run their mouths they must have something to back it up right? (normally not so much). Its normally one time that one thing happened and the exaggerate it forever. Ask you husband what he thinks and if you think that confronting them is a good idea tell him but i would do it face to face and not in public and don't be rude you don't need them to say of think anything less of you already! good luck Hun!
2006-09-15 07:17:34 · answer #3 · answered by ~Bethany~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh Gurl I went through that myself and you just have to let them run their mouths and let them say what they are gonna say, because they are jealous that you moved closer to your parents and away from them. My (now EX) mother-in-law was the worst she went as far as coming into my hospital room when I had my oldest son telling me when and where me and my baby was gonna be and gonna do...........well I just became a biatch to her after that and I learned the hard way the my husband was still just a Mommy's Boy and well 8 months later we divorced, because he would not tell his mother to back off! So I feel for you and my Prayers are with you, because I know what you are going through, just like I said above let them run their mouths, and as ar as the e-mails set separate accounts up that way he has one and you have one and then no one can accuse you of deleting messages! Good Luck and God Bless!
2006-09-15 07:17:33 · answer #4 · answered by stormy2u2001 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him to create new e-addresses without telling you the password and new phone boxes, where you could have no access.
But I'm afraid that no matter what you do, they will keep talking bad about you. They say you are dominant? This means they know that they can not influence him any longer -most probably because he has realised the role they play- and he does not listen to what they say.
Where do you come from? Mediterrannean or Middle East?
2006-09-15 07:16:14 · answer #5 · answered by ngiapapa 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This has to be the most common of problems in marriages, it was in mine for years. My best advice is give up arguing with your husband over the family. Of course reminding him that he is married to you and your feelings, thoughts should be first and foremost as when you marry your mate should be the most important as you left your family to marry your mate. Of course if your mate happens to be mean, or cruel that is the exception. Unfortunately families tend to be harder on women, they expect more from women and they will blame the women more easily for things like "she spends so much of HIS money"??? isnt it their Mutual money? or "she is keeping our son away from us" they should realize their son is a big boy and can decide if he wants to see his own family. I wouldnt remind your husband how much better he is when he doesnt see his family, he has to learn to stand up for you and yet not cut ties with his family. It may all come back on you if he stays away. If your husband is happy with your personality then realize that all these things they say are falling on deaf ears. Your happiness and your husbands happiness should say everything that needs to be said. One last thing,,,their son will always be the innocent one and you all always the culprit. So give up on that who cares?
2006-09-15 07:28:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
they seem very unhappy with them self's the only thing that might help you with this is pray that you don't get caught up with what they do or come right out and tell the one who starts it that you are not doing that why would I have to do that to your husband you love him and I'm trying to fit into your family but you for some reason just don't think that we belong to together but I'm telling you from here on out we are together and I belong in this family whether you like it or not .Please don't let them make you feel like you don't belong with your husband if you love your husband as much as you say you do than your love will conker all Good luck and my God bless you in all that you do
2006-09-15 07:25:31 · answer #7 · answered by Libra 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all talk this over with your husband. Your husband should tell them firmly that this type of conversation must stop, and if they continue with this negative comments about you, not to call anymore. You are husband and wife, you are the one who comes first...This relationship is very important for the sake of your child and future children....don't take it lightly. God Bless.
2006-09-15 07:29:17 · answer #8 · answered by Rea 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stay of the computer foa a while and see if they actually send e-mails and voice mails.tell your husband to get a new e-mail account.
2006-09-15 07:15:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
talk to your husband about in laws
2006-09-15 07:13:51 · answer #10 · answered by jasmine 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋