ur thoughts?

Question

I know probably not many of you will want to answer a touchy subject like this but would really appreciate your thoughts/advice on it. My mum abused me (mentally & physically) when i was younger..the physical part stopped when I was about 14 but the mental part is still going on. I still live at home 'cos of study but i work part time and the money usually goes towards car payment & just general uni life costs. So moving out right now isn't an option. I can't really talk to her because she doesn't speak much english at all & I can't speak my native language very well either..well, not well enough to talk about this. She is very manipulative/angry etc and sometimes I catch myself thinking/acting like her. It scares me.Because what if i haf kids oneday. What really hurts me is that she thinks she hasn't done any wrong. Every now & again i'll haf nitemares about her hurting me N i'll wake up in tears. It pisses me off that she still has a hold of me.

Answer 1

Saying you are living at home still because of finances is bogus. Psychologically you stilll want to be there, so just admit it and move on from there. You need to see a psychologist or a doctor to discuss this problem because you are right..whatever we see as a child lives on through us and passes on to the next generation. If you have no insurance, find out about your city and state has available for free. Just do it.

Answer 2

NO one should put a child through this !
Don't know where you live but in the USA
they have something called DYFS that helps
place kids who are mistreated into other homes
until their parents can change their ways !( the state runs it)

You & your Mom need some SERIOUS counseling ! As far as when you have children, you may end up like your Mom if you let yourself so you will have to work hard
on NOT doing that to your children.

You & your Mom should also try to learn the language
that eachother speaks so you clould have better
communication w/ eachother, that's probably 1/2
of the problem.

if NONE of this works is there a relative you could go & live with ?

Answer 3

Well, my mom isn't abusive but she is from Bangladesh and some people who come from there are very closeminded and ignorant (no me though!). I wanted to show emotion in front of her really badly but she always verbally said, "Don't do it." and it made me want to strangle her.
Now, I find myself acting like her. It's freaky. Its just the short temper that is freaking me out. However, I am learning how to get over it. You should try relaxing a little. If she can read english, write her a letter in english or try to get a translator on the computer. It's very easy to find translator engines on the computer.
Abuse is a terrible thing. You can either give into it and push it away and grow from it. Try doing the latter for your sake and future. I know it's very, very hard but do the best you can. If you need to talk, I'm here. Well, good luck with it.

Answer 4

I'm so sorry you had to go through such a terrible ordeal. If I were you, what I would do is seek counseling to help get over this grief your mother has caused you. And what about your father? Where in the hell is he in the picture? You are in a VERY dysfunctional situation, and you need to get out of it. The sooner you do that, the better off you'll be. Good Luck to you.

Answer 5

first off, *hugs* ur mother has been beastly to u. whether she owns up to it or not, u know that, i know that. and anyone else here knows it. becuase ur still living with her it might seem frustrating becuase it seems like no one is on ur side, but we really all r, becuase ur mother's behavior is discusting.
the only way she can have "a hold of" u is if u let her behavior toward u efect u as a person. letting urself feel the hurt someone has doen to u is not lettign them effect u. u have to say: ya kno she hurt me, it okay for me to feel this pain, but im going to win, im going to beat her, becuase i will never NEVER become like her, i WILL NOT LET her change me, i will NOT let her make me into a copy of herslef. i will b better than her. i will b the mother to my children like the mother i should've had, the mother i had a Right to have, the right she stole from me, i will give to my own children.

we r on ur side, we understand what u have gone thru, and we know its wrong of her. dotn becoem discouraged please, and dotn let her being a bad person change u.

Answer 6

no matter your situation, the most healthy thing for you to do is to get out of there, when i did it was the best thing i have ever done, you somehow get the strength back, and with some good friends that you can talk to you will be able to get through it just be strong! do it for yourself, and so that you can feel safe that when you have children that you have broken the circle! and when you have gotten out start to go to counselling untill you feel strong enough

Answer 7

It wont be easy but you have to see a councelor/psyciatrist, or even learn your native language (whatever that may be) and try to talk to her about it, but if you do choose to see a councelor you must make sure they can speak your mums language aswell. good luck

Answer 8

not really much I can say, my thoughts won't help you any, if you have kids though hopefully you will be able to communicate to them better than with violence and hatred, you really need to go speak with a counselor though, or find someone to talk to and with about all of this

Answer 9

You need to leave the situation if you want to get better. Nobody can do it but you. Some people just don't get it.

Answer 10

Do it to her and see how she likes it.