Mine is..
A banana and a vibrator sitting on the bedside table.
The banana says to the vibrator..
"I don't know why YOU are shaking.... she's going to EAT me!"
2006-09-14 22:23:59 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Not a joke, but an answer I got to question I posted.
Do you suffer from uncontrollable flatulence?
Well then I have the perfect product for you. It's called the *** Freshener. I've develped a suppository that reacts with the butyric acid, sulfer and methane that effectively change the fragrance of your flatus. I'm working on a number of different *** fragnrances from Fruity Strawberry to Garden Potpourri and hopefully I can get some of the perfume manufacturers on board as well.
How nice would it be to expell unwanted gas within the work or recreation environment without the embarrasement of flatus odor? Friends and fellow coworkers would be equally delighted and complement you often. "Say, Phil that's a lovely colonge you're wearing. What is that?" "Actually its my new Hugo Sport Suppository *** freshener, thank you for noticing."
Hehe
Now for the joke.
A dyslexic walk into a bra.
:)
2006-09-14 22:29:52 · answer #1 · answered by Purplgirl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A man goes to the doctor because he cannot get an erection. After tests the doctor gives him the bad news.
"You have such severe nerve damage from previous infections that the situation is not reversible". The man is devastated and sits crying into his hands when the doctor tells him about an experimental treatment using nerves from the trunk of an elephant. At first the man is not interested, but the thought of never having sex again appals him and after being assured that there is no harm to the elephant, he agrees and the operation is performed.
Six weeks later he is given the go ahead to try out his tackle and the man takes his girlfriend to a nice restaurant as a prelude. During the meal he starts to feel uncomfortable and undoes the button at his waist. A little time later it is so bad that he has to ease his zip down.
Immediately his penis sneaks out, snakes across the table, grabs a bread roll and returns to his trousers.
At first there is a look of horror on the face of his girlfriend but it is soon replaced with a sly one.
"That was amazing, could you do it again?" she asks.
"I think so," he replies with watering eyes,"but I am not sure if I could get another bread roll up my ****!"
2006-09-14 22:35:41 · answer #2 · answered by Amanda K 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Erectile Dysfunction can be devastating to men, and unfortunately, millions of men suffer from the condition. Learn how to cure erectile dysfunction https://tr.im/4iLAf
If you go to the doctor to talk about the issue, you’re likely to get put on one or more of the popular medications used to treat the condition. While they can be effective (temporarily), these medications come with a raft of side effects, some of which are decidedly unpleasant. Even worse, these medications aren’t really a cure, they’re more like a temporary workaround.
Worst of all, they tend to be really expensive. Month after month, you’re having to pay to work around your condition. That’s what the Big Pharmaceutical companies want.
2016-02-15 15:47:44 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A geezer goes to the doc's has an examination, the doc says " Im sorry but you've got a strain of aids called HIV-556"
"What does that mean" the geezer says.
" Well," says the doc " It means you'll be dead in 3 days."
Gutted the geezer goes home and tells his mum, "Mum I've got HIV-556 I'll be dead in 3 days." She's like "oh well never mind, why don't you come down the bingo hall with me."
"BINGO HALL, BINGO HALL . I'LL BE DEAD IN 3 DAYS WHAT'S THE BLOODY POINT IN THAT !!"
"Don't worry," she replies "Just come down anyway."
So he goes down to the bingo hall. He won everything, four corners, any line, full house, the lot. Up comes the national grid. He won £87 grand. The bingo caller said, "Son, I've never seen someone so lucky in my life.
"LUCKY, LUCKY. What do you mean lucky, I've got HIV-556.
"F+++ ME" Interupted the bingo caller " You've only gone and won the raffle aswell !!!"
2006-09-15 02:12:54 · answer #4 · answered by Geo78 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Mick Jaggers pet frog hopped into a bank with a small figuirine and looked over at a desk that had a nameplate that said Mr. Paddywack, Loan Officer on it. He hopped over and hopped on the chair and said "Mr. Paddywack, I need a loan." Mr. Paddywack said "Well, what do you have for collateral?" The frog said " I have this small figurine" holding it up. Mr. Paddywack said "I can't give you a loan for that". Just as he said that the bank president walked by and said " Thats a nicknack Paddywack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
2006-09-15 00:16:30 · answer #5 · answered by Rick 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a long one! There are three farmers who are trying to get the hand in marriage of a local maiden. Her father says"Whoever brings me the most ping pong balls can have her hand in marriage." So off they go their separate ways. One week later the first farmer comes back with three sacks full of ping pong balls. One month later the second comes back with five trucks full. One year later the third comes back with huge bags on his shoulders. The farmer says"What's wrong with you I said ping pong balls not KING KONG'S balls" I know kinda silly but thought I'd give it to you anyway. Have a Good One.
2006-09-14 22:54:02 · answer #6 · answered by gator 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to say this out loud or it doesn't work:
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye-deer!
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no eye-deer!!!
Also:
A man goes into a bakers and asks for a loaf of bread. The baker says "Do you want brown or white?" The man says "Doesn't matter, I've got my bike outside."
Why does that crack me up totally? Maybe it won't work written down, but it slays me, really!
2006-09-14 23:32:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Man walks into a bar
he goes 'ouch'
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
I don't know why - they are so stupid I just couldn't stop laughing!
A couple of really nerdy ones;
Two hydrogen atoms walking down the street. one says 'I've lost my electron' the other says 'Are you sure?' the first replies 'Yes, I'm positive'
There are 10 types of people in the world.
Those who understand binary and those who don't.
2006-09-14 22:27:53 · answer #8 · answered by Avondrow 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Man is walkin along a beach feeling relaxed & calm untill he hears a female cry!? He follows the cry & comes face 2 face with a lady wiv no arms or legs.. "why r u crying?" he asks wiv concern. "Im 21 and ive never been kissed" she replies wiv a sad face. Tha man bends down and kisses the lady. "There.. now uve been kissed". Tha lady smiles and says thank u before tha man heads off again. Suddenly he hears tha same cry again and hurrys back 2 tha lady. "Whats wrong now?" he asks worryingly. "Im 21 and ive never been hugged" she answers sadly. Tha man bends down and gives her a hug. "There.. now uve been hugged" he says proudly. Tha man again walks off 2 enjoy tha rest of his day knowing hes done good 4 someone but is suddenly stopped in his tracks! He hears tha lady cry AGAIN!! He stomps back 2 tha lady feeling slightly annoyed "WHAT NOW?" he says angrily. "Im 21 and ive never been screwed" she says shyly. With that tha man bends down,picks up her armless and leggless body and hurls her into the sea and says "There.. now ur screwed!" Lol
2006-09-14 22:38:24 · answer #9 · answered by charlie_baby1983 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
2 sausages on a bbq.one says to other jeez its hot in here the other turns around and say holy crap a talking sausage
or
why did the boy fall off his bike?
somebody through a fridge at him
2006-09-14 22:27:29 · answer #10 · answered by poony!!! 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋