How long off work to grieve ?

Question

My father passed away suddenly 4 days ago after a long illness. It has not fully hit me yet that he is no longer with us. I have been to a few funerals before, but I am dreading going to his tomorrow.

I work on a PC helpdesk in an environment where there is a lot of people who me. So far they have been great, they have sent cards and flowers, and messages of support.

My problem is what would you consider a reasonable time off work to grieve properly and sort issues relating to the death out ?

I will need to face the people at my work at some point, but I am afraid in case I go back too soon and breakdown.

Does anyone have any experience of this ?

Thanks

Answer 1

Firstly, I am so sorry for you loss - I can't imagine what you are going through but realise this is a tough time for you.
In answer to your question, you should take the time you need, your company should be understanding. Most companies allow at least two weeks for the death of immediate family. Once the funeral is over, call your Personnel Dept. and explain you may need extra time as you don't feel you are ready to get back to the normal routine of life. I have heard that some people do find comfort in going back to what they know as it helps them get back to normal quicker.

Take lots of care - we are all thinking of you.

Answer 2

Sorry to hear about your loss and my thoughts are with you for tomorrow. how long you stay off is only a decision you can make yourself. I remember returning to work after the death of my baby daughter, now I had been off for 8 wks and I can honestly say that there is no best time, the first day back is hard, but if it is of any use, it is hard for work mates too, as people do not always know what to say. If you have a tear, so what, you are human. Give yourself a couple of weeks after the funeral and see how you feel, the longer you hang back the harder it will be to face everybody.
Take care.

Answer 3

So sorry. This happened to me and I went back after one week. It was tough and I used to nip away for a cry sometimes. I hadn't realised how bad it would be. Then it happened to a colleague and she took around 4 weeks off. All she did was go to the doctors and get a sick note to send in. I really wish I'd done this but I just presumed that one week compassionate leave was all I could have and that I'd have to toughen up. From experience everyone grieves in their own time and in their own way. Take care.

Answer 4

My mother died at the beginning of this year. I had 2 weeks off work and went back 2 days after the funeral. I felt that this was the best thing to do, otherwise I would have went mad sitting in the house with my thoughts.
The people at my work were very supportive and I felt that getting back to work took my mind of things for a little while and forced me to get on with things.

Answer 5

the loss of a family member, especially parents and siblings can be daunting. it is the biggest sad event one can have in their life.

on your question, there is no definate answer to it. this is because people are different and unique from one individual to the other. one may only need a shorter time to grief whilst others may need a bit longer (I've heard this one person took 2 years to grief!). however, this is a normal thing.

it doesn't matter how long you took to grief. what matters is how long will you take to get things back to normal. but don't rush it. just go at your own pace, okay?

I am very sorry for your loss. I hope you will be strong during this hard and challenging time. take care. as someone here mentioned earlier, all of us here will be thinking of you.

Answer 6

Please accept my heartfelt condolences on your bereavement.
Companies usually give 3 days paid compassionate leave. Some companies may be quite liberal and could give a week off.
If you had sort of expected your dad's passing away and you were quite prepared (mentally) for it, then one week should be enough to grieve and attend to all the related issues. Of course you will miss him and will take quite some time to get over with it. But to be away from work for more than a week may not be reasonable.

Answer 7

Well I was given a week compassionate leave after my mum died, that was 6 years ago, I was in the Admin business. Not sure what the right time is but I could have done with another couple of weeks.

i think it's at the descretion of your boss, but I would say 3-4 weeks would be sufficient

Answer 8

I am sorry to read of your father's death. When I was little and my grandad died, my dad was only given two days off work to attend the funeral, in spite of being the oldest child, and expected to do and pay for everything. Fortuately he had brothers and a sister to help him. Nowadays though companies are more sympathetic and you tend to get one to two working weeks to address these things out. It is taken as compassionate leave so should not mean you lose annual leave. You need to discuss this with your boss if you are unsure, or get somebody close to you to do it for you.

Answer 9

Sorry to hear of your loss. At work people are fully supporting you so they'd be no worry if you did get upset its natural. Take about a week off work then i think you will find it helps take your mind of it... And the process will be slow but pain will ease with time. I lost my mum so understand how difficult this is..

Answer 10

every person is different & goes through the grieving process in different ways & in different speeds. i lost my grandmother (my best friend) over 3 yrs ago & it's still hard. at the time of her death (i handled all the arrangements) i took almost 2 wks off (i work w/ customers face to face everyday & my job is also physically demanding). i was ok to return to work & needed to in order to occupy my mind however i still "broke down" (i am a woman whose fellow employees are 99% male) but my fellow workers were very supportive & some even offered me good advice or just comforted me & listened. take as much time as u can afford & feel u need in order to continue on w/ your life. my deepest condolences