My sister berates me and calls me a bad mom?

Question

I just had a baby a couple of monthes ago, and recently I have had a lot of pain, and have been feeling very tired, consantly tired. I went to my GP and she diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia, and it just keeps getting worse and more disabiling as time goes on. She said that I need to get a full nights rest, and take it easy. Because of this, I have quit my job, and now I have hired a nanny full time, my husband can't get out with our newborn because he works and needs his rest.

My sister calls me a bad mom, she is always telling me that because I have hired a nanny, but I did it because in my condition I can't be the mom my daughter needs. She stops by my house just to ask me why I don't keep it as clean as hers, and makes a point of telling me how much she does with her kids and the finishes by asking why I don't do the same things? She critisizes me for not working and tells me I am lazy and ignorent.

How can I tell her to stop? Do you think I am a bad mom?

Answer 1

What kind of person is she that she constantly brings you down? Not someone I would want to have in my life, even if she is blood kin. As a sister, she should be supportive, not bringing you down. I would have a talk with her and say. " You know what, this is my house, and if you don't feel like saying anything nice, please don't come over." And tell her " Until you can be nice, please don't come over anymore."

Answer 2

Fibromyalgia is debilitating. Don't let your sister get you down. Print out some information about firbomyalgia and give it to your sister, and explain that this is what you are going through and this is why you need the extra help.

As long as you are doing everything you can for your daughter, still spending time with her, still loving her, then you aren't being a bad mom. You need to take care of yourself, too.

I would hazard that there is some jealousy there, if she has children, because you have a nanny to help and aren't working at the moment. If she doesn't have children, then she really has no idea what life is like for you right now and no place to talk.

Answer 3

Just because someone is your family does not make them good for you. In fact, sometimes they can be right down toxic. You need to worry about the well being of yourself and your daughter. Babys grow up so fast! Before you know it, she will start assimilating everything she hears. Do youthink its a good idea for the first thing she hears is a put down against her mother?? Of course not, so make it clear to your sister, she can do the humanly sisterly thing to do which is to be supportive and loving or she better get used to seeing her baby niece only in pictures because as the GOOD MOTHER you consider yourself, you can not allow her negativity and emotional abuse to hurt her, as it is already hurting you!
Look, I know how you feel. You are not a bad mother. I was diagnosed with a thyroid condition and later other autoimmune problems a year after my baby was born and it was horrible trying to work in a very demanding job, run the household and raise the baby when I had no energy whatsoever, and felt like a truck had run over me from the time I woke up. Four months after my diagnosis I quit my job, we moved to another place where I could afford to stay home with the baby, got some really good doctors to help me feel better, and my husband got a more flexible job where he could help me with the baby when I had some appointments at the hospital. We cannot afford a nanny but you can bet that if we did, I would have one, no question about it. On e year later, I am doing much better, and my family has benefitted from my health improvement. I would not let anyone make me feel guilty about being sick which is out of my control. And getting help only shows you are a sensible, no non-sense, kind of person who takes her responsibilities seriously. Thanks to that decision, your daughter will not be neglected and will receive all the stimuli and contact that is very important for an infant to develop in a healthy way.
Keep the faith and good luck!

Answer 4

Have a meeting with your mom without her. Think of solutions. During the next few days... You OR your mom can have a meeting with her.... Only one of ya'll!! Tell her to talk out her problems. Ask her what's bothering her and tell her that her behavior is not tolerated. Give her time to think about it. Have a meeting together. Let the meeting take place on a Saturday, without any calendar appointments. Before the meeting takes place... Play a game or watch a movie. This will relax the tension between you all. It could be anything! Such as monopoly, Game of life, twister, or watch a flick! State some ground rules. Ask her if she wants to be treated like a family member or a criminal. Ask her if you have to make rules that are fit for kinder-gardeners. Have a real counselor appointment if she doesn't seem to understand

Answer 5

Unless your sister wants to take care of your baby full-time and clean your house, she has no right to criticize you.
I had a friend with Fibromyalgia so I know how awful it can be--and also how your sister might not realize it, since it doesn't "look" like you're sick, you know what I mean?
I don't think you're a bad mom, but do try to spend as much time with your baby as you can, just cuddling her or whatever you can do, and get the nanny to do what you can't.

Answer 6

Since you hired a nanny to tend to your baby when you are feeling unable to, so you are a GOOD mom. This condition isn't something you can erase overnight. You can still hold and love your baby if the heavy work is being taken care of. It really is none of your sister's business how you are living your life, and if it were me, I would ask her not to visit until you feel better. If she can't be a support in your life, don't waste your time worrying about her. Concentrate on yourself, baby and husband.

Answer 7

fibromyalgia is an extremely debilitating disease. does she understand your condition. maybe you should explain to her how much pain you are actually in.

when she tells you what she does with her kids before she gets a chance to criticize you tell her she's lucky that she's able to do that. incredible lucky. what would you give to take your daughter to the park? what would you give to BE ABLE to pick her up every time she cries and do everything she needs?

one aside--have you considered getting a Mexican hairless dog, a Xoloitzcuintli, they are supposed to have extremely high body temperatures and love to cuddle like little living heat wraps. I remember seeing an episode of Pet Story on animal planet that featured a woman with fibromyalgia and hers. She said the dog did wonders for her pain. She even was able to go back to work if I remember correctly. The dog was certified as a service dog and she took it with her.

the website below has some extremely interesting articles everything from pain management to communication with loved ones.

the second URL listed is a Newsweek article you might want to give your sister.

she can't call you ignorant if you do the research on your condition.

Answer 8

tell your sister you are having a bad time w/ a condition & what you need right now is support, & if all she wants to do is insult you, she can stay away from you & your family. and no, you're not a bad mom. maybe she's jealous because you have a nanny to help, and can afford not to work? in any case, you don't need someone to insult you like that. you raise your family the way you're comfortable & you don't have to answer to anyone.

Answer 9

you know you are not a bad mom. let me say this first. stop her from coming to your home. that is your home and as long as you allow her to degrade you and have control you she will intimidate you. why are you so into her feelings. tell her to clean your house to her expectations if she wants to complain, and take a walk in your shoes when in pain for a day. just to mind her own business. do you really value her opinion, does it really mean something to you. remember when you got married and the preacher said the husband and wife were to cleave unto one another becoming one forsaken all others? that meant her too. why is she more important than you? she isnt. your family needs you. she needs to go home to her clean emaculant home and leave you alone. you are a strong woman able to deal with the dx and keep a sane mind and familly. dealing with any illness and a family is hard enough. get you together cause if you have more stress added to what you are dealing with you are more so signing your death certificate. enjoy yourself and your family now let her enjoy hers. sounds like she has underlying issues she is hiding from you and wish that she was you in a way.

Answer 10

Don't listen to your sister, in fact she should be understanding. Haven't you told her your problem? then tell her, I'm sure she'll understand and might start helping you out. Also keep an eye on your diet, find out what is right and what is wrong for your health.Take care of your health first and have the guts to tell your sister off if she keeps on bickering even after you tell her your problem.