How do I ask her dad to marry her?

Question

My girlfriend and I of nearly 4 ½ years are getting engaged, and I want to ask her father for her hand in marriage. I know him pretty well, as she and I have grown up together - we both turned 18 a couple weeks ago. I just want to do this right, as it’s a once in a lifetime event. I was wondering if you all had any idea’s on were I should ask him (without her knowing about it) - and that possibly gives him a heads up as to what is going on. I would hate to catch him off guard, though I seriously doubt I will. How should I tell him? I don’t want it to seem like I’m asking for his permission, as we are both adults - but I want him to know that I respect him and his blessing matters. However, no matter what he says, I will be marrying her. How should I word it? Please don’t say ‘I want to marry your daughter’, cause that doesn’t help. Anyone who’s been in this situation before, please, help me out! Even if you haven’t, I could use the advice!

we have been together since we were kids, so please don't say that we shouldn't get married. we know what we are doing with our life, as well as who we are. we know that we are better together rather then apart.

IN RESPONSE to Diva's Questions

I currently live in a nice apparment, & pay for maintenence and utilities
I have a car and pay my insurance
I am nearly finished Trade School (electrition)
I was at my previous job for over a year and made 17$ and hour, I recently switched jobs for better health insurance for us and am now making 21$.
I have health insurance through my job, and am able to pay for my wifes deductible
we are both STRONG practicing christians, have gone to the same church since we were born, as will our future kids
she will stay home with the kids - something she has always wanted to do
we make enough money for bills AS WELL as savings
I'll handle finiances - her choice, as she dislikes working with money
we are both homebodies, but have friends that support us
neither one of us have been arrested, smoke or do drugs
and we always talk things out calmly, listen and compromise, and never stay angry - people hate us cause we while fight holding hands

Answer 1

You may know each other, but the dynamic changes that will take place in the next few years will astound you. So with this in mind, you both will have tremendous personal growth in the next 7 years so it would be so much wiser to make a great marriage if you make the more mature choice to be single together and not take a leap for immediate gratification.

Questions to ask yourself;

Can I buy a nice home for my family? Provide for the maintenence and utilities? (NOT live in a parents basement)
Can I buy a car(s) and provide the maintenence, insurance and gas for the car(s)?
Have I finished either college or a reputable trade school?
How long have I been on my well paying job?
Do I have life and health insurance? and can I provide this for a wife and children?
What religion will you AND your wife practice?
What religion will you AND your wife raise your children in?
Who will stay home and rear your children?
Are all of you bills and obligations either paid for or taken care of?
Who will handle the financial obligations and decisions in your family?
Do either of you still like to go out and party with your own friends?
Do either of you have friends that the other either doesn't like or objects to? and if so, what how do you handle that?
Either of you ever been arrested? If so, what for?
Do either of you smoke or use drugs of any sort?
How do you resolve problems and disagreements?

These are just some of the questions that you should be able to answer without hesitation.


NOW HERE IS THE MOST TROUBLING PART OF YOUR QUESTION:
How should I tell him? I don’t want it to seem like I’m asking for his permission, as we are both adults - but I want him to know that I respect him and his blessing matters. However, no matter what he says, I will be marrying her.

YOU MAY have reached the age of majority by law (18), BUT how can you say ..."but I want him to know that I respect him and his blessing matters"........THEN YOU SAY:
"However, no matter what he says, I will be marrying her. "

Where is YOUR respect? You're asking for her hand in the most SACRED of all rites, and a blessing, then you saying and acting like a spoiled kid if I don't get what I want, then screw you! I'm gonna do what ever I WANT! This tells me that you are not really ready for marriage.

"However, no matter what he says, I will be marrying her. "
That statement of yours gives me the chills and is so disrespectful. Being too impulsive is the death knell of a great marriage. Being too involved and jealous will also kill your relationship.

If everything is wonderful now it will be spectacular 7 years from now when you are 25 and really ready to make a life together AFTER you take care of the business of growing and MATURING into an adult. AND It is NOT all about YOU!

This is the best advice when you talk to her father about HIS LITTLE GIRL:

"Sir, I respect you, your family and I love your daughte, in order to prove my love and respect, I will improve my life by getting a good education so that I can provide a wonderful life for your daughter and your grandchildren. I will direct my life right now as to never dishonor you and your family or my family and to prepare my life as to satisfy all obligations by being thrifty and preparing for my future family. When I have accomplished these goals sir, I will ask for your blessing in the honor of marrying your daughter. Are YOU the type of man you would want your own daughter to marry and make a life with? If not, why not? Remember, it is not all abut what YOU want, but about a family unit.

Guaranteed, if you approach her dad with respect and honor, then her father will have not as many hesitations 7 years from now.

NOW, my big question to you:

Are you MAN enough to wait and do the right thing by the girl you love, yourself and both of your families by waiting until to can take care of business as an adult?

If you think that you won't change in 7 years, then ask yourself about your own growth, haven't you changed since you were 11 years old,,,, just a few short 7 years ago. I bet you wouldn't recommend a 11 year old to drive a car, fly a plane or have other priveldges that come with more maturity, would you?


I believe that you can control your impulses and "Choose the Right" thing to do. Just "CTR" it! and you will win and succeed in life.

Fondly,
The Diva, Darling!!!

Answer 2

My grandpa raised me, so I understand the old school aspect. I open doors, walk on the traffic side of the sidewalk, in front goin down stairs, behind going up... I asked my wife's father before I ever said anything to anyone else. He was kinda shocked, but he appreciated it. I asked at her family reunion 4 weeks later. We've been married for 7 years(together for 12 / We're both 26yo now). As far as your income goes... if you don't think you can help support another person plus yourself, don't do it. Make sure you have all your $#!T in order, so her dad doesn't have a reason to question your ability to take care of his daughter. I've always been good with my hands and I always had side work or projects that I could do to make money: work on cars, houses a few boats...if I could get my hands on it I can figure it out. I'm a master certified diesel mechanic now and I own a auto/diesel repair shop. AGAIN, MAKE SURE YOU'RE READY, BOTH FINANCIALLY AND MENTALLY.

Answer 3

Since you are both young (18), her father might want the 2 of you to have a long engagement before the wedding happens. In a way this is a good thing that way you can have time to plan a wonderful wedding that both families and the 2 of you will enjoy and remember for the rest of your lives.

Answer 4

Since I'm not sure what type of guy her father is, or what your current situation is...I'm really not sure what to say. My boyfriend and I have talked about the same thing. We ended up so far deciding that he should call and set up a lunch with my dad and simply ask him, it's kind of hard any other way. I know that when he calls my dad for lunch that my dad will know what it's about, and I'm sure hers will too since you've been together so long. Anyway, I'm sure I haven't been much help, but good luck and congratulations!!!!I hope everything works out well for the both of you and I wish you a long and prosperous future full of love and happiness to follow your (what I hope for you will be) elegant and memorable wedding day. Again...Good Luck!!!

Answer 5

Be honest with dear dad!! " I am going to ask gf's name to marry me, and respectfully I would like to ask you for her hand in marriage B-4 I do." May I have your daughter's hand in marriage sir? Be truthful whatever you do, even if it seems hard at the time. If he asks you if you are going to ask her even without his blessing tell him yes, but you would preferr his blessing. Be prepared to listen to his answer, even if it is something you do not want to hear. he is her dad and will see things way different than the 2 of you do I suspect. maybe not tho:)

Answer 6

Don't you think you are little young, well if you are ready and feel groan up , just be a gentleman and mature enough face him nd ask him , like you asking yahoo answer now.

Answer 7

One tip in how you can ask her dad more easily is to make him like you... Why not ask whats his likes and dislikes are and then work from there its not that hard, you can also "court" her mother and then "court" the father its very easy..

Answer 8

The question is misleading. It sounds like you are going to ask her father to marry her. Thats incest son! Not acceptable!!

Answer 9

OK EVERYONE -
read this before you post something about being too young, will you?

I met this man the day we were born, he was put in the crib next to mine, our parents discovered we lived minutes apart, and from that moment on, were joined-to-the-hip; instant best friends. Always at each others houses, always on the phone, always together - people use to make fun of us and tell us we were going to get married one day, and we would deny it, saying we were 'just friends'. Both of us were homeschooled, so we were constantly doing schoolwork together at our houses, and going on feild trips sitting side my side in our mothers mini-vans. I've had poor health all my life, and when I was 10, I was in the hospital...for like, the 20th time. Whenever I was there, he would be worried sick and insist on seeing me, so my parents would tell nurses he was my brother, because he was too young to visit me otherwise. He told me when we were alone in the room that he was going to take care of me the rest of our lives, because I was his best friend and he never wanted to loose me, he kissed me on the forehead, and whispered that he loved me. We planned our weddings out at 12, I was going to be his best woman, and him, my man of honor. We were going to move into a duplex house, and if our signifigant others didn't like it, then they weren't the ones for us. We stayed 'just friends' for another year, at which point things began to change noticably. I had had a crush on him for what seemed like forever, but was too afraid to tell him, because he was my best friend. So I kept quiet, and watched as other girls flirted with him and my heart broke. But whenever I would ask him if he liked any of them, he would always tell me no. One night, we went to a play together, and we held hands without realizing it...I started to wonder...could he maybe like me back? But I was too afraid to ask him, so I kept waiting and waiting for him to bring it up, and say that he meant in just a friendship way. However, a week later, he called me up as usual at night for our 3 hour long conversation (our parents gave us our own phone lines, just so we would stop tying up theirs), and told me that he had something important to tell me, and when he was finished, he was going to hang up the phone and call me back in an half hour. Immediatly, my heart started to pound...I hoped it was what I thought it was, but feared that it was that he had decided to go out with another girl. He admitted that he had fallen in love with me and hung up. I was overjoyed to the point were I ran around the house laughing hysterically and doing cartwheels, my parents thinking I was nuts. When he called me up, we discussed - very anlytically, may I ad - getting together, and decided to follow our hearts in the matter. We always talked about marriage and having kids after that point. We had our first kiss a couple months later on top of a ferris wheel, had our first make-out not too long after that, lol. He proposed to me at 14 in a love letter (we have over 400 inbetween both of us in a 4 1/2 year span), gave me a diamond ring at 16, and a few weeks after we turned 18, have decided to go ahead and make our engagement public. If that makes us immature, then so be it. But you have no idea what stuff we've been through, so don't call us 'too young.

Thats all.

Answer 10

just say i would like to ask for ur blessing before i ask ur daughter to marry me