Why won't my wife get a job?

Question

I am a new dad of a 3 month old. I am 30, my wife is 25, I financially supported through law school, and then we got pregnant, and now she refuses to get a job in the law field and insists on staying home with our newborn. I would like to be a stay at home dad, because as a Journalist I make considerably less then her, but she refuses. I have done everything for her, I supported her through college, law school, bought her a car, helped her out with her school loans, the least she could now is do her share. She says that just because I am a dad, I will not bee a good a parent as her, which I think is completely wrong. I love kids, I and I love my daughter. Not only women should get to stay home with thier kids! Right now my salary is not enough, but if she got a job, hers will be. How can I get to get a job?

I am perfectly willing to trade spots with her!

Answer 1

Maybe let her stay home during the first year of the child's birth. Babies are expensive and why not let you work and stay home with the child at the same time. She can't do that. Lawyers make a lot of money. Maybe when she sees how much money you don't have after this baby, she will consider it. Just let her have a year with the baby, time to bond. And atleast if she HAD to work, the baby is better off with you than with a stranger at a daycare.

Answer 2

Your wife just probably wants to spend some quality time with your new daughter but she is wrong for saying that she will be a better parent than you will because what does she expect you to do if she's not working,someone has to. I hope she does not let all of that training go to waste and not apply it to a career. In this time and age,both parents need to work to make ends meet. It is supposed to be teamwork,for better,for worse. Back then,there were more housewifes because their choices were limited but that is not the case anymore. I am not against stay-at-home moms but in a situation where it would help the financial stabiltiy,she could reconsider her standing when your child gets a little older and help you out as a team. I commend you for putting your wife through school,not a lot of men are willing to do that and for your daughter that will be a good example of what a true man will do.So keep up the good work. Hopefully your wife will come around when your baby is older.

Answer 3

As a first time mom myself - I agree she is best to be the one to stay home for now - The baby is tiny & bonds more with the mom -especially if she is Breastfeeding **

Give her a chance to enjoy being a mother
I know Finances are tight
Me & my Fiance' are going through the same things
are daughter is now 8 mos - & I have not gone back to work either
With her Degree -its possible She could get a Job working from home in her Law Field on the computer -

I plan on going part-time in about a month - He will work days -so i can stay home with her & I will work 3 nights a week Cocktail Waitressing at a Casino from 7pm to 3am -So he will be home with her during the nights I work - This way it works out for both of us - I get to still feel like a SAHM and he doesn't have to be the only one bringing in money anymore & he gets some one on one time with her as well

So maybe you 2 should sit down & work out a plan similiar to what I've suggested
She may feel like returning to work full time after the baby is a Year old - you never know -
Just voice to her that you feel she should use her education that she worked so hard for atleast sometime in the future - because
going to College and getting a Degree & then not using it -would not set a Good example to your Daughter about education later on - She may develop a Stigma toward it that "Its a waste of time & money"
I think the least your wife can do is work out a plan to when she will use her degree - she can work hours when you are home & vice versa - your daughter will not feel left out

hope this helps

Answer 4

Give an ultimatum of working or cutting back on alot of stuff. Cut up credit cards get read of anything fancy, sell her car and get one that is safe enough for a baby and will make it to point A and to point B. She needs to help support the family. I always wanted to be a stay at home mom, but it's nice to have a little extra money to play with. Even if she can work a few hours a day would be something, But you just need to lay it out on the line. Ya so you had a baby 3 months ago you also need to provide for that baby to. And you deserve a little more respect from her that what you are getting she needs to realize that if you didn't support your family then your family would have nothing. Stand up and be the man of the house you make the money so you were the pants.

Answer 5

I'm going to agree with freeman'sfox in that this is something that should've been discussed before having a baby.

And perhaps you did, but now one of you've changed your mind. All I can say it that if she's dead set against having a job, there isn't much that you can do.

As a mom, 3 months goes by so fast, and your baby is still so small, and you feel like they just need you so much, and that no one else can do what you do for them. Is she still nursing? If so, then that's even more of a reason for her to not go back to work.

My best advice would be to just give it a little more time. Try to breach the subject again at 5 or 6 months, or maybe even at a year.

Good luck, and I hope everything works out for you.

Answer 6

Talk to her again and tell her how you feel. Let her know that eventually the baby is going to get older and start school. Before you know it , the baby will 3 years old and starting mother's day out.

Let her know how the extra money will come in handy for the baby. Trips to Disney Land, Zoos and other fun attractions. Not to mention Christmas shopping or the latest toy that the little one is going to want. Think ahead when she is older, I spend average of $100 on toys a month and another $300 on clothes for two kids.

I think you should approach the subject with not you staying home but the both of you providing for the child this may come across easier.

Answer 7

Sir, didn't you know her intentions prior to you two getting pregnant? I would put her butt on a budget. But she is still young. As a journalist, aren't there positions that allow you to work from home, it not all of the time, some of the time? Maybe both of you can be at home. In time, she'll want to go back to work. No one takes the time to go to law school just to decorate the wall with that degree. A baby makes women do things men sometimes don't understand. Be patient. There's plenty of time for you to be a stay home dad.

Answer 8

I understand completely your situation. And I agree with you. I had my baby boy on april 2006; I love my baby, I love my husband, I love to watch my baby and be with him, and not missed anything he does; but the truth is, life is not getting any cheaper. I want my son to have not everything, because I dont want him to be spoiled, but some things; I wants us to be able to take a vacation, some savings, and some other things.
In the beggining when I decided to get back to work, my husband was reluctant, but he finally understood that we need it.
You should talk to your wife (I bet you did a hundred times already), when you guys got pregnant, was both of you responsability, she must understand that. I went the other day to a baby store to look for a diaper rash cream that cost $4.95 and I spent $159.19; not 'cause I wanted to, but because you see so many things that you feel you wants to buy the whole store. That's when you know that you need another income.
Being a new mom is the most amazing experience ever, and so it's been a father. You should both have the right to enjoy your baby, send her to work, cut her expenses, and you'll see. I wish you the best of the best. Good Luck!!!

Answer 9

Sometimes when a women has a baby - nothing else but caring for the baby matters. High paid careers just arent as important as that bundle of joy. For some women including myself that maternal instinct is very ,very strong. I agree that your probably a great dad,but right now your wife believes only she can do the best job in raising the baby.

I wouldnt push her back into work,she may resent you. Let her have this time with the baby as they grow up very quickly. By the time the baby's a toddler she may be ready to re-entre the work force.

Money isnt everthing,that child is lucky to have such a devoted mother.

Answer 10

3 months is pretty young. She can give a newborn things that you cannot give it. It was her body that had the baby not yours. If it was you that would be different. Your hormones are not out of wack and you cannot nurse a baby. At this point it is really not a fair trade You really need to work 2 jobs if you have to. It is just what is needed to be done if there is a newborn involved. There is not equality if there was a pregnacy involved so recently.

My father had a career like yours and it is honorable and full of pride, but it does cause a family to live in poverty. Do what you can to provide for your family and swallow your ego.