I found out who my fahter is after 24 years. The problem I have is getting the nerve to contact him. I have driven towards his house but never made it there. I don't know how to approach a man that I haven't had any contact with my whole life. Any suggestions would help greatly.
2006-09-14 18:32:08 · 12 answers · asked by Kelli R 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Start slow. Send him a little note. A short, simple note....
"I thought about you today, and wanted you to know."
sign it and mail it. make sure you put a return addy on it.
This lets him know you want contact, because you took the first step, it als lets him know a very important fact-- As you stated, you had thought of going by but didnt. You respect his space, but want to be a part of it on some level.
2006-09-14 18:39:46 · answer #1 · answered by L C 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you're uncomfortable about a face-to-face meeting at this point and you don't want to call, why don't you buy a nice "Hallmark" card that's blank inside and ask him if he'd like to meet for coffee some weekend morning so you and he could spend a little time together to get to know each other.
This way, if he doesn't want to do it, he can just not respond and that would spare you the embarrassment and hurt of being rejected in person. If he does agree to meet, it takes away the pressure of spending a long time, as you would at dinner, and after a couple cups of coffee and a muffin allows either one of you to end the meeting politely by saying you have another commitment but would like to meet again soon.(depending ,of course, on how this meeting went)
If he agrees to meet you for coffee, think about what you plan to talk about. Stay away from anything sensitive that might strain the meeting.(No why did you--------------questions.
You could talk about what's been going on in your life, ask him about his life, what he does for a living , does he have any hobbies, does he like sports, does he take vacations, where was his favorite vacation spot.
If you find something you like in common, such as, sports, vacation places or anything, stick with that and get him to talk. Don't we all like to talk about the things we are passionate about. I hope I've given you some starting points. Good luck
2006-09-14 19:03:50 · answer #2 · answered by conetoe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i found my dad after 21 years. my ma started getting back child support because he finally held a job long enough for the state to find him. I was adopted by my step dad at age 4. I always knew that my dad was out there & i always wondered about him. I wrote him a letter & mailed it to his work. I just had to know. We met for dinner. after all those years all those questions I had were answered. I had my closure. I met him that one time. he wanted a relationship but he bad mouthed my ma, who took very good care of me. My point is contact him. Write a letter & see if he responds, this way he has a chance to think about it privately & maybe sort out his emotions with out putting him on the spot. trust me contacting him will bring closure. He may be a great guy that was in a bad situation or in my case, a jerk. but at least you will know. Good luck.
2006-09-14 18:44:32 · answer #3 · answered by twogris 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have never seen my dad and i am 42 years old, he probably is not the same man he was back then, but my advise to you is if it is important for you then just write a letter to him and maybe talk via email and get to know each other better, and if doesn't work out just remember that you took the first step and you were the bigger person, i applaud you for that, GOOD LUCK
2006-09-14 19:26:33 · answer #4 · answered by darcigreeneyes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try writing him a letter. Just let him know that you are his daughter and would like to see him. I would met him some where in public like a coffee house or a park. Tell him there is no pressure you would just like to get to know him. If you do it in a letter then you would be able to ask him things that maybe hard to do in person. Good Luck
2006-09-14 18:35:13 · answer #5 · answered by jagbeeton 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would think that a letter or phone call would be less intense than a face to face. Since you know where he lives this seems to be a vialble option for you. A letter will help you to collect your thoughts and express yourself fully. Give him your phone # and see where he takes it from there. Good Luck!!! I hope it turns out to be everything you need it to be.
2006-09-14 18:36:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just go for it you never know he might want to contact you but does not know how. Your mom could of kept him away all these years. Just breath breath breath while walking up to the door and breath breath when ringing or knocking.
GOOD LUCK I REALLY HOPE IT WORKS OUT FOR YOU.
2006-09-14 18:36:44 · answer #7 · answered by knowssignlanguage 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all, does he know about you?if he does, write him a little note asking to meet somewhere neutral. if he doesn't respond within a reasonable time, i'd wait a couple of months and try again. if he doesn't know about you, this may be the biggest shock of his life. so i would say, all you can do is give him time.
2006-09-14 18:41:32 · answer #8 · answered by Linda S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't have any advice but I do have best wishes for you. I hope you get the nerve to do it and it goes just like you want it to. Best of luck.
2006-09-14 18:34:38 · answer #9 · answered by loveorlust06 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Send him a card, saying that you've just discovered you're 'related'. And you'd like to meet him. Would he be up to it?
If he has a wife, you might want to include her as well.
2006-09-14 18:44:35 · answer #10 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋