Hi. My parents live with my husband and I (my dad is disabled) and it really is a necessary arrangement. Well, my mom is a COMPLETE pessimist and control freak. She sits around LOOKING for things for my husband and I to do (take out the trash, wash bottles, quit spending money). We split the bills and housework, well, sort of. She works so I do most of the housework and take care of dad. When I tell her to lay off, she completely guilt trips me like I'm being a b****h because I'm telling her to back off. She claims she can't "talk" to me because I will walk out when she starts out with her "list". I don't want to fight and yell, so I simply go to my half of the house. When I ask her for any kind of help with my two babies she says "I didn't have any help when I was your age." Making me feel incompetent because I sometimes get overwhelmed. She is my mom and I really love her so can someone please help!!
2006-09-14 17:52:42 · 6 answers · asked by portiaraylee 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
TWO WOMEN IN THE SAME KITCHEN=DISASTER!!!!. I know that she is your mother, but she is living under your roof. If she doens't have anything nice to say then she can either zip her lip or leave!!! Thats what I'd suggest!!!
2006-09-14 18:17:07 · answer #1 · answered by Easter Bunny 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take a unified stance against her - make sure your husband feels the same way that you do. I think that it might be worth setting down some ground rules with your mother and making it clear to her that she needs to either back off or get some help with her control issues. It's hard because clearly you can't kick her out - or can you? Would you be able to ask her to leave but have your Dad still stay there with you?
Also how does your Dad feel about all of this?
Additionally, you might need to be really clear and point out to your Mother that you're no longer a kid - if she's not lived with you since you were young, she could be forgetting you've grown up.
Also, you need to find a way to remove that control from her. Sometimes it's by doing self-affirming things like remembering you are an adult, you have survived, you are managing a marriage, a house and you're doing well at it. That kind of stuff - rembering your strengths, can help take the power away from your mother and return it to you.
However, at the end of the day, you can't change your mother. You can only change yourself.
Best of luck with your situation!
Cheers, Meg
2006-09-14 18:10:04 · answer #2 · answered by ausbabe29_megan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your husband need to have a frank talk with her. She is a trouble maker. She may need therapy. Maybe you can move into a place where you would have a more private living arrangement. Just because your dad is diabled is no reason for her to take total advantage of you. Don't put up with it. You are in the right here.
2006-09-14 17:56:10 · answer #3 · answered by notyou311 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My guess would be to become an optimistic liberalist to stop a pessimistic control freak
2006-09-14 17:57:46 · answer #4 · answered by The Kyd 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. I'd make an ultimatum. She's in your house, she should live by your rules, or get out.
I'm sorry that seems harsh, but mother or not, she's acting like it is YOU that is imposing, rather than her.
2006-09-14 17:55:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
disscuss the situation
2006-09-14 17:55:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋