help...a little depresssed?

Question

Every night I go through this...my dad works late in manhatten and comes home with a train like at around 12 till 1 am...well I always get worried becuase it's so late....and I get panic attacks...:-( is it normal to feel this way? when he comes home I get calmed...right now I'm depressed because he's not home yet..

Don't be mean...any rude or suggesting comments will be reported.

Answer 1

Jolie69,

Feeling a little anxious when a beloved family member is out pretty late and feeling depressed when you're alone is perfectly normal. Having panic attacks, on the other hand, is not the best thing to be experiencing. But don't worry...panic attacks can be defeated with a bit of time and a lot of deep breathing.

About a year ago I started experiencing panic attacks myself--the onset, my job. I started seeing a therapist and soon discovered the real reason for my being so anxious. It stemmed from many years of living up to my parents' impossible expectations. Subconsciously, I felt that the only way to prove my worth and gain their attention and affection was to be the "best" (in whatever capacity), even if it meant sacrificing my health. I eventually got over it, but not before I took enough time to reflect on what was really filling my worrysome head and...doing a lot of relaxation exercises usually involving deep breathing.

Basically, first thing you might want to do is attack those panic attacks. Not to sound corny, but really, being proactive about getting over these attacks is essential to your overall health and well-being.

I'm not going to attempt to be your psychiatrist here, but I will try to provide a bit of advice which really comes from genuine sympathy; I certainly know how you feel. I also know it feels like Hell, but anxiety surely can be overcome.

Unfortunately, there is probably very little that can be done to change your dad's late schedule. When he's away at work, though, you may want to use that time productively by reflecting on something that you think might be causing you to panic. Could it be separation anxiety? What are you really afraid will happen to you while you're alone?

Try journaling (a method strongly encouraged by my therapist) about anything and everything that comes to mind about your fears. You might start off with the obvious, and the more you think about it, you'll soon realize how deeply you have delved into your inner psyche. The key thing is to keep on writing. It's a lot easier when you bring your thoughts out on paper because they become tangible, and therefore, easier to pick apart and analyze.

There really is no quick fix to this, unfortunately. However, what you can do to immediately alleviate some of that distress is deep breathing. There are many different methods for this; I prefer breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth. You want to try and be more consciously aware of your fear so that when those moments arrive when you are having an attack, you can stop yourself and start breathing deeply. Put on some relaxing music if you need. Deep breathing is a natural way to get your body to relax without having to take medication--something I refused to do while in therapy. Even today, whenever I realize I'm tensing up, I stop, close my eyes and take as many deep breaths as I need until I start to feel more relaxed.

So, key points: Reflecting and Deep Breathing. I know this could take some time, and may seem like a lot of work. But if you look at your alternative (freaking out and losing yourself in the panic), I think you'll find that these two things are a walk in the park. Good luck!

Answer 2

If you are literally getting panic attacks, you need to see a doctor, because there are a LOT of medications that can make them go away. If you just feel " panic", maybe you need to create an atmosphere that makes you not feel alone and feel safe until he gets home. NOt sure how old u are, but if you can, light candles, put on the TV or the radio, get a good snack, a good magazine. You can try to sleep with the lights dim , a BUNCH of soft comfy pillows, soft music in the background. By pure logic and mathmatical odds, NOTHING bad is going to happen to your dad. Keep your self busy with the first list of suggestions and then try to sleep. Oh, and believe it or not, drinking milk really DOES help. It has an ingredient that makes you more relaxed. And also, the smell of lavender makes you relaxed too. You can get a lavender candle or other type of item that exudes the scent. He's working to make sure he can give you the things you need and have a good life. So, just take a deep breathe, do these things and relax.

Answer 3

The situation that you describe sounds more like separation anxiety than depression. Has your father ever not shown up, not late but never shown without calling home? You live in NY and dad works in Manhattan could you feel anxious do in part to the 9/11 incident. It's normal in as much that the hour is late, perhaps if it were 3 or 4 in the afternoon it would seem no big deal. Let your father know how much you love him and that you look forward to his coming home safely and on time. You can never tell someone you love them to much or too often let that be your comfort instead of worry while you wait. Sweet dreams!

Answer 4

I think what you're feeling is very normal from your description. I assume you're young? Maybe something bad or scary has happened to you before, or maybe the things going on in your neighborhood at night are scary? I've never been to New York, but I think that the trains would be very scary at night and maybe you're afraid for your father. Talk to your dad about how you feel, or if you have a school counselor or teacher you trust. It's very important that you feel safe when your dad is at work. If your dad knows how you feel, maybe you can work out a way to feel safe until he gets home.

Answer 5

Are you concerned for your father's safety on the train late at night, or your own being home alone?
Or maybe you aren't concerned for anyone's safety, but you just love and miss your Dad so much you want him to be around more.
Or something else entirely?
I think you need to begin by talking with your Dad and letting him know what's going on and why you think it is.
You've got to start some where, so a conversation is as good a place as any.

Answer 6

I suppose that many of us get that way about different things. Back when I was younger I had those same types of feelings but we did not have the labels of what it was, it just felt like you were going crazy.

Your not, your normal and having a dad around is a great thing! You are fortunate and he will be home soon it is almost 1 now.

Answer 7

You should talk to your dad about this. Panic attacks are not normal. Perhaps it might be a good idea if your dad would allow you to stay with a friend or an adult acqaintance that you and your dad can trust. Being alone is too difficult for you - so really stress this fact to your dad. Good luck and best wishes.

Answer 8

Develop trust and confidence in yourself, with dad's help.
Take his re-assurance sincerely that nothing is likely to go wrong.
Spend time with him intensely and help him as much as possible with good care. This thought of having done your best for him while he is around will help better when he is yet to return home. When the panic attacks starts, try watching your breath, and it will calm down by itself, and the mind becomes peaceful.

Answer 9

I think it' normal to worry a little. What if you set a timer so you'd know when he should be there, and then tell yourself that there's no need to worry until after the timer goes off? Then keep yourself busy, A favorite movie or Show. Get into a routine. Cook up a snack for your dad. Then before you know it "Ding!" the timer will go off and your dad will be in the kitchen saying, "Mmm, something smells good!"

Answer 10

I agree that you should talk with your father about this. For starters, just discussing your issues can have a great calming effect, and perhaps (as others have suggested) it can lead to both some sort of reassurance for you as well as further bonding between the two of you.

If a discussion with your father doesn't help, I would advise you to discuss this matter with a licensed therapist, as there may be other issues which are also causing your anxiety.

I hope this helps.