What do you think, what should be changed, and would you like it? I only asking because i dont want to screw up our first date...
Everyday, when I wake up, I think of you.
You are my angel.
You are my heart and soul.
You are the one whos every word relaxes me, every move amazes me, and the one I have know all my life, but only just met.
You are the one whos beauty is envied by the stars.
Everyday, before I go to sleep, I wish upon a star that you'll always be in my heart, no matter if you're near or far.
2006-09-14 17:23:09 · 11 answers · asked by The Question Man 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Well, it`s sweet but just a couple things. First of all,I think you meant "known" not "know". And you shouldn`t make the last line rhyme because none of the rest rhymes. Also, I don`t think the "beauty envied by stars" part sounds good. It`s too cheesy. And in the last line where you say "you`ll always be in my heart" should be " I`ll always be in your heart" or "one day I will have your heart" something like that. I`m not a very good poet but my bf is and writes me poems at least every other day( 4 of which have been published) so I Can`t give you the kind of advice he or some other creative genius could, but I think I`ve seen enough poetry from him to know a few things.
2006-09-14 17:28:31 · answer #1 · answered by Ex-Blondie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Awaking every morning, you're on my mind
Like an angel
You fill my heart and soul
You're every word relaxes me
every move amazes me
and the one I have known all my life
and yet just met
You're beauty is envied by the stars
Every night before I drift to sleep
I cast a wish upon the brightest star
wishing you will always be in my heart
no matter if you're near ... or far
Pay no attention to my alterations. I always feel the need to change everything. I think your poem is sweet and heart warming. I think she'll feel very special and wanted. It's nice to know there are romantics still out there. Good luck and God bless!
2006-09-15 00:36:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
are you gonna give to her on first date..... try this poem... i think is more suitable...
When I’m with you, you always make me smile
Knowing the right words to say whenever I’m sad
And the time that we are apart
All I can do is think about
When we will be able to be together
And the ways you’d love, touch, and caress me
I would fall in love with your every movement
Following you with my eyes
I’d see that you truly love me
Just the way you talk to me
And show your feelings from deep inside your heart
But then when you’d finally say
I Love You!
I’d open my eyes,
And wake up from my dream...
Then at that moment I’d know in my heart
That you are the one for me
Or
You make me feel so happy
Whenever I'm with you.
You make me feel so special-
This love's too good to be true.
I've never met anyone as lovely as you,
You've changed my life so much.
I've never been this happy before,
I'm longing for your touch.
I don't want to wait anymore
My heart is liking love.
Whenever I am with you
I feel so high above.
If I could have it my way
We would never be apart.
And I do have it my way,
'Cuz you're in my heart.
I never want to let you go
I want you there forever.
We two, standing side by side,
We'll make it there together
if you want more poem just simply email...
sexy2shaffy@yahoo.com
2006-09-15 00:34:35 · answer #3 · answered by shaffy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's a first date? I suggest you get some high quality marijuana and roll that piece of crap up into a joint. Then smoke it with her. Were you going to read it after or before you gave her the 5 dozen roses and asked her to marry you? Leave it in the bathroom, so next time you take a sh*t, you'll have something to read AND something to wipe you azz with when you're done. In the future, think about getting a sex change operation, because I don't think you have enough testosterone in you to quilify as a man.
2006-09-15 00:34:32 · answer #4 · answered by Charles Lee Ray 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
well if this is your first date u better slow down cuz it sounds like a marriage proposal and u mite scare her away. u mite be crazy about her but enjoy all the aspects of a relationship including the passionate beginning but don't assume that she is "the one." get to know one another for a little while first then spring this really beautiful and romantic poem.
2006-09-15 00:31:10 · answer #5 · answered by a very happily married woman 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I like it the way it is.... The girl is lucky that is going to be getting that. Not too many guys around anymore that are not afraid to express themselves in poetry.. U rock!!
2006-09-15 00:28:00 · answer #6 · answered by Stacey The Birthday Girl! 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would be so freaked out. I would probabally think you are taking the relationship too seriously, and need some serious mental help. The poem itself is typical, over-the-top, and anti-flow. Promise me this, DO NOT GIVE IT TO HER!!!
2006-09-15 00:32:42 · answer #7 · answered by unknown 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
It's I have known all my life not know.
2006-09-15 00:30:12 · answer #8 · answered by sweet gurl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
change'know" to "known".it is a lovely poem. what is missing is its name.
2006-09-15 00:30:22 · answer #9 · answered by atahsina 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Im assuming she dumpt you... If not, poor girl
2006-09-15 00:26:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋