I'm a single mum with two beautiful kids (what can i say..they have beautiful mum hehe). Some cultures still cant accept the idea of being divorced. Divorced women are treated rudely (unlike divorced guys). I was in a relationship where his parents totally wasnt into his son marrying a single mum. At first, we tried to keep on telling each other that everything will be ok and these people will slowly accept me. But then, after so many months, they finally managed to convince him that leaving me is the best solution. I see no point of staying in the relationship, so i dumped him before he dumped me. Still heartbroken and frustrated though.
2006-09-14 16:17:42 · 17 answers · asked by Jasmine Ird 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Thank you beautiful people for all your words and advice. When i said i am still frustrated and heartbroken, i wasnt really talking abt that guy, but with the culture im in. And one thing i found most irritating is when most of guys (in my country) think of single mum as easy ride, like we are some sex-crave lady. And its pity me to see some of those single-divorced ladies fall into that craps..
2006-09-14 16:38:22 · update #1
His parents? consider yourself lucky, if his mommy still tells him who he can play with, he wouldn't have made much of a father figure to your kids. you are probably better off not being a part of that family. focus on YOUR family, be the best mum you can be, and when the time is right, you will find the person that makes you truly happy.
I'm not sure I understand your comment about divorced women being treated more rudely than men. Did you know that 50% of all divorced people are men?
PIEMU ESQUIRE: confess and repent for WHAT? because some people wrote a book a few thousand years ago, who didn't like the idea of a woman not being subservient to her husband, a woman today should stay in a bad marriage? What kind of effect will that loveless (or worse) life, have on the innocent children forced to grow up in that environment.
You pompous bible thumpers make me sick.
2006-09-14 16:34:14 · answer #1 · answered by knzlt 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I am a single mother of a Beautiful 13 month old daughter. The best advice that my friend gave me was "nobody has to live your life but you" that same thing goes for potential life mates too!!! So what if his family couldn't stand you....it's not THEM that has to walk in his shoes every single day or YOURS. I think that if the only problem with your relationship was HIS parents, you should call him up and tell him that you made a mistake. Single mothers can find happiness with another man, both parties just have to be willing to wait through the storm.
2006-09-14 23:25:33 · answer #2 · answered by Easter Bunny 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes, a child that is not one's own can cause resentment and difficulties. The Mom might interpret actions from new Dad to be interference, or him being critical of her way of raising the child The child may be resentful, jealous, of the new Dad and the attention Mom is paying him., and/or not accepting of his discipline or love. Mom and Dad may dissagree on child raising techniques. And then there is the new our baby that can cause all kinds of problems. And the biological father sometimes is not helping with things.
His parents have likely seen movies, TV, and real life where a kid broke up a marriage. It can be a difficult situation.
I have friends that made it work, the child was calling new dad Dad before the wedding, and adores him. The couple have twins of their own, and the child was included in their life, and does well with them. Biological dad has shown up once, bearing gifts. It can work, with lots of planning and toil.
So this may be why they opposed the match. I know it is difficult to see it now, but maybe they did you a favor. Unsupportive criticle parents, a husband listening to them and looking for problems, and a child exposed to all this turmoil, it could not have worked.
There are men out there who would welcome a ready made family, and parents thrilled to have a grandchild, and would accept it even if it isn't of their own blood. Be the best Mom you can be, be the best you that you can be, and you will find one.
2006-09-14 23:42:28 · answer #3 · answered by riversconfluence 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If a mans parents can come inbetween two people "in love" then it wasn't mean to be!!! There are plenty of men out there that would LOVE to be with a women for who she is and it don't matter how many children she may have or if she was married before!!! You may be broken hearted now but you need to think what would the relationship been like if you guys did stay together... his parrents probley would have treated you bad!!! Plus... you want to be with a man that will love you and your kids unconditionaly... and not care what others may think of your relationship... Good Luck!!! And hope you feel better soon!
2006-09-14 23:29:39 · answer #4 · answered by M~Lyna 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
i was a single mom for 8 years. I met hubby and my daughter watned a dad,and so she would ask any and all guys I knew if they would marry me so she could have a daddy. It was cute, but kinda sad,too. He spoiled us rotten! We have been married for 10 years and until I married him,i was always in bad relationships, because of the narrowminded thinking about " baggage". It also ruined the one relationship in which i was deeply in love,and his mommy didnt like the " ready-made" family aspect of it all,and it hurt both me and my daughter. You may be brokenhearted, but it is better to be alone than to be in a bad relationship where he hurts you or your kids. Or worse, the parents hurt you /& or the kids,and he doesnt believe you. You may be frstrated,and hurt,but you did the right thing. Like all the ppl here said, you are a mum first,and a friend/lover,second. Time will heal all wounds. He will come along,and if at all possible, i would move to another area where you are tolerated more. here,in the Us, divorce is so common,that if you are married for more that 5 years, it is really something. I know, it hurts,but he isnt worth it,and it is better to hurt now,rather than hurt later on after you have been married for awhile....
2006-09-15 00:18:20 · answer #5 · answered by Dragonflygirl 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
"Is there anything wrong being a single mum and marrying one?" -- NO! As you know finding a MAN is hard, but there are plenty of boys looking for fun.
I hope you are not heartbroken any longer.
I am glad you are strong and able to see things clearly.
Best wishes for a romantic 07', stay strong.
(look for an orphan, maybe? Ha, I can't suggest anything that you haven't thought of. Well... I was going to suggest moving to a western type country - where people are understanding, but you thought of that too.)
2006-09-15 01:43:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a mom first. If you find a mate, it will have to be someone who will enhance the life of your kids, so he has to be really there for you, which is hard if he feels like he has to choose between his family and your family. This was not the right man for you. Please be careful in your dating relationships, because it isn't fair to your kids to introduce a man into their lives unless he is a "keeper", which will mean he is a man ready to take on the responsibility of a ready-made family and he is mature enough to make his own decisions without have to placate his parents. Also, some guys target single moms because they are trying to get to the kids. Be careful! I hope you manage to find the right man for you and your kids.
2006-09-14 23:31:12 · answer #7 · answered by just♪wondering 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Of course not! The guy you were with was not the right one, or he wouldn't have listened to his parents,but his heart. Your young and you want a man who will love you and your kids. Believe me, he's out there. Try singles dances, Parents Without Partners, friends who'll set you up with good guys.Don't rush into anything fast. Your children come first, and you deserve happiness. Good luck!!!
2006-09-14 23:34:32 · answer #8 · answered by hollyltstarfleet 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A lot of people are judgmental. It's your life and it's none of their business. So, don't worry about what other people think. They'll debate that for years to come about whether or not it's better to stay together "for the children." You have to do what you think is best for you and your kids.
2006-09-14 23:27:05 · answer #9 · answered by First Lady 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's awful, i'm sorry you had to go through that. Just because you're single doesn't mean you're a bad person. Shitt happens. His parents should back down and let him make his own decisions. Don't give up, you'll find someone who will treat you right.
2006-09-14 23:26:29 · answer #10 · answered by Amanda 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋